June 30, 2023
The Temptations are a singing group that has made classic hit after classic
hit. One of their classic hits is called “Ain't Too Proud to Beg.” It is
a love song suggesting that the lead singer was willing to do just about
anything to win the love of his woman back. This included being willing to beg
for her to understand how much she meant to him. I am a hopeless romantic, so I
can appreciate the sentiment. I can also recognize that this approach of
begging does not need to be normalized for all things. In school and working
spaces, some of us embrace the concept of imposter syndrome. At a quick glance
it might make sense to embrace this concept. However, the more you unpack the
implications behind imposter syndrome, you see a problem with the idea that does
more harm than good.
The problem with imposter syndrome is who is assigned the burden of
responsibility for the environment. Imposter syndrome is the belief the
newcomer does not see themselves as worthy of the position/status they have.
Usually, the individual with this perspective does not fit the organization's
profile norm. That difference could be ethnicity/race, Socio-economic status
(SES) one was born into, or gender to name a few. I remember being concerned
about my daughter having imposter syndrome about being in college classes as a
middle schooler…This approach to my daughter’s experience was a flawed mindset
on my end. Acknowledging the value of imposter syndrome allows me to ignore the
institutional flaws of higher education. My daughter becomes the source
problem, versus citing the way newcomers are singled out by the system they are
seeking to participate in as the problem. In other words, I was considering
blaming someone who had no say in the system they are being asked to join. My
daughter deserves better, and so does anyone who comes into a new situation
seeking for a chance to be included and valued. (Note: For more on the flaws of
imposter syndrome, see how the creators of the term now realize that it has done
more harm than good. )
I am at a place where I am confident in
what I bring to the table. It does not mean I think I am the best; it means I
can hold my own. It took me a while to get there…I kept thinking that being an
overachiever would be enough for others to see my value. I've served as a
consultant across the country, taken on projects to enhance my local community,
and presented on various topics with positive reviews. But that has not been
enough for certain friendships, community partnerships or business
opportunities to see my worth. I realized that no matter what I did it would
not please or convince some people. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was
a pill I needed to take. Some of us work hard to please people in how we
present themselves, we lose part of who we are. Showing why you have value
should not come at the cost of losing value you have for yourself. If all of
that is required for the validation of others, it might just be time to move on
from those relationships.
So, what 's next?! I'm gonna do me… don't let anyone stop you from doing you. Stop begging and start embracing being unapologetically you!
Be well!
- Elgrie J. Hurd, III
