When You Don't Have the Words

 October 31, 2026

I saw Your Mother, Your Mother, Your Mother (2026). I didn't know what I was going to walk into when I watched this film. As I was watching it, all I could see was a man and his children who all lacked the words to say the most meaningful things they need to say to their loved ones. I kept finding myself screaming at the film. I kept yelling, “Just say it! Just say it!” And yet they wouldn't say it. None of them did! My frustration became bigger not due to lack of words they weren't saying, but due to the fact that I understood.

The roadblock of not having the words to say is more common than I want to be for us. It's the lack of words that tends to cripple us and pushes us to react in ways that are uncaring, toxic, and are demeaning to oneself. Sadly, we find plenty of examples of words to say that are inappropriate, negative, and hurtful. And we find very few words about what needs to be said. We can do better! We must do better! And we can’t forget that we are not alone…Perfection is not required. Sometimes all you have to say is “I don’t have the words.” That’s a great start!

In the same week, I saw If I Go Will They Miss Me (2026). The film reminded me that every child should have the chance to see their parents as superheroes. It’s a gift not everyone gets. For some parents, when we get that gift, we run from that gift. We make the gift become a curse when it was never designed to be that. Unfortunately, when we do that, we miss the opportunity to be the parents who we were designed to be. And part of that missed opportunity is because we don't have the words to say, “I am honored that you see me as the best thing since sliced bread!” Instead, some of us try to hide our light that could be used not just for the benefit our children, but for the whole world to see. I understand breaking the chains of bad habits can be hard…do it anyway! We have to remember that dreaming is not an option, it is a necessity! Dreams give us hope…Dreams give us possibilities that have yet to manifest. And sometimes dreams of children help their parents be able to dream again. For the adults this applies to: Don’t forget, if you have let some dreams die, consider resurrecting the ones that help you soar.



Remember, you are not required to have all the words! No one is requiring you to have all the right words at the right time…you are not required to have all the right words in the moment…you are required to make the initiative to search to learn…you are required to question and to unbury the hidden treasure which are the words that you need to say. What needs to be said by you may not be available to you in this moment…Please know they are within your reach! It would behoove you to not run away from that moment because like characters in the movies Your Mother, Your Mother, Your Mother (2026) and If I Go Will They Miss Me (2026), you don't know how many more moments you're going to get to say what needs to be said.

You may not have it all together, but you got something. You have a gift that should you should not minimize…You have been give time. And it is in your best interest to grab this moment in time and not to let go of it until you tap into every human and spiritual resource available. This will allow you to collect the words and formulate the sentences that need to be put together, so that what needs to be received can be heard and received.


While you’re waiting for the words, I'm gonna keep writing …I am hoping to encourage you not to quit until you do. Until then, let your actions fill the void of your absent words.

 

-Prof. Elgrie J. Hurd III

Use It All

August 31, 2026

“Use it!” Blade

 Dedicated to The Comeback Kid…

 

Sometimes we want very specific motivations and very specific resources to get to the destination that we need to get to…and sometimes it's not what we are going to get. In the movie Blade: Trinity (2004) their job is to take out Dracula (permanently). And for a good chunk of the movie, they struggled to let the uncertainty and worst-case scenario stop them from completing the mission. Eventually when one of the good guys thought they lost all hope. Blade, the vampire killer, tells his teammate to use all the pain, all the doubt, and all the fear as fuel to refocus and re-motivate…even when the odds are against you. This is the backstory of an underdog.

Now Blade: Trinity (2004) is fictional…lemme give you a true story. In the 1990’s there was a movie that came out called Rudy. Rudy was based on the real-life story of Rudy Ruettiger. The movie was an idea that took nearly 20 years to become reality. Why did it take so long?! Maybe because the whole story seemed fake. A 25-year-old Navy veteran with dyslexia got into Notre Dame?! And then he got on the field as a 5’6” defender on the football team?! And he tackled the quarterback in a real game?! Seems unreal, right?!

It might seem unreal, but it's all true! Rudy Ruettiger had a learning difference. He was 5’6” ...He was 165 pounds. (That's tiny for that position!) Parts of the crowd were screaming his name! He did tackle the quarterback at the end of the game, and he was carried off the field. For everything good that we remember about Rudy, there were so many things that were working against him. Rudy was a true underdog. He found a way even when people said he couldn't. He used everything thrown against him as food to fuel his success. For those who are not underdogs, it is easy to not see what Rudy and other underdogs have achieved as not a big deal. Maybe a thought is that the underdogs achievements didn’t change the world. But, if any of the achievements changed the reality for an underdog, those acts are worthy of being celebrated.

Underdog stories are great until we are the Underdog!

I had a chance to witness the underdog first-hand recently. I gave the underdog the nickname of The Comeback Kid. The Comeback Kid had every reason to stop trying. She had every reason not to believe in the possibilities. And somehow, she trusted the process to make changes…she embraced the idea of resilience. She was often told by me, “You know what we can do?! We can do hard things! We can do hard things when we have low energy…we can do hard things when we have an aching heart… we can do hard things, and we feel like no one believes in us.” Over time, The Come Back Kid found a way to use it all. And I'm so grateful I was there when what she thought was impossible became possible.

Underdog stories are great until we are the Underdog!

The great underdogs had to take on all the haters…they had to take on all the setbacks…as underdogs, people have to navigate around every person who failed them…every person who said they couldn't…all the pain that comes with all that negativity needs to be used. Underdogs gotta use it all…every single bit of it! Pain is always going to be there…negativity is always gonna try to drown you. Are you willing to channel it all into something useful or are you going to allow it to chain you down to a life of wish-I-could-have? Don't be that person! Find a way to channel it all…Turn that pain and negativity into power! Use the power into action…use that action to change your world! That's the charge! You ready?! Just know, I believe in you! Lean in!

 

Elgrie J. Hurd
- A Member of the Underdogs

For You...

 July 31, 2026

I have enjoyed the new album by Bruno Mars. I have a feeling my family is probably over having to hear it. It's probably not the album itself, they are over, but my singing! What can't be denied is that the lyrics in the album are built on being a romantic. The 1st song on the album, “Risk It All,” sets the stage and makes me think back to July 31, 2004.

Twenty-two years ago, you, My Sunshine 🌞, risked it all. You left everything you ever knew for hopes and dreams. Some dreams became reality, some remained a fantasy, and a few were deferred. And time and time again you still risk it all. You have perfectly loved my imperfections. For all of this, I’m grateful. I cannot duplicate what you have given me. In this new season of your marriage and parenting, I'm here to risk it all.

It's 2026. Our world is changing. Our values and purpose outside of our home are evolving. This has created new opportunities and new dreams, especially for you. And while you may not have it all figured out, just know that I got your back. You can be successful in these new adventures. Be a light! Take risks! I'll make up the difference!

We are on a new parenting journey. Our nest is getting lighter!  How we were parenting 10 years ago can't always be applied anymore. The need for support from us is changing. It's unpredictable…it's non-stop…it's uncharted territory. But, as long as I have breath, I got you!

I still celebrate the ways I already love you and I'm excited to find new ways to love you. You ready?!To love you is to honor Jesus…we are his bride, and you are my bride. And if it means dying for you to live, I'd risk it all because “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

There are things people may not understand…They may not understand how we parent. They may not understand how we date each other. And that’s OK. Our marriage has NEVER been about them. Our marriage is from The Creator…our marriage is from The Divine…The I Am! Year 22 feels different. I'm still trying to find the words to describe it all. Here's what I do know: We are beginning a new journey. I am with you! I am for you! You are for me! For you, I'll risk it all because you risked it all for me. Let's keep this risky business going and see where it takes us!

 

Your NON-Bruno Mars,
Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Better than I Deserve

June 30, 2026

Father’s Day occurs every June in the United States. I know there are various views about the holiday celebrating fathers. Some love it. Some hate it. Some think it is a leftover holiday that gets the leftover appreciation associated with Mother’s Day. All these views have validity to someone. For me, I’ll take it all. The holiday ain’t perfect, but I know how to make it work. The reality is my fatherhood ain’t limited to one day. What also holds true is that fatherhood is a privilege, not a birth right. The world is full of unfairness and parenting is no different.

On the parenting tip…I am fortunate. There are many people who want to be parents that are biologically theirs. Yet, there are barriers that impede this reality that don't get enough attention. Some parents have children that are before they're born. The official name for these children are stillborns. The CDC stated that 1 in 175 births are stillborn births. Sadly, Harvard University learned that is not accurate. Harvard University found that the national average is more like 1 in 150 births. And in some communities, it is as high as 1 in 95 births! That’s high! It also means that just because someone gets to be pregnant doesn't mean they get to enjoy parenting. I have four children. I have not had the heartbreak of having a stillborn child directly, but I have walked in pain with people who have. To make a positive use of their pian, I use my job to do all that I can to raise awareness about stillborns, the privilege of parenting, and hopefully create space for more empathy on the topic.

Miscarriages serve as another challenge for those who want to be parents. There are many types of miscarriages. Shockingly, some pregnant people may not even know that they were pregnant, or that that they lost their baby. So, why do I give you all this information? It's a reminder that the opportunity to become a parent is a privilege. We do not earn the right to become parents. My other hope is that you don't put your foot in your mouth and make an awkward scenario for someone by asking them where they're going to have a kid…when we do this, we are demonstrating a lack of understanding of the biological barriers to be able to birth a baby successfully. So, even if you only got one kid, it is better than you deserve.

Nearly 20 years in, I still do not have this parenting down. I don’t think I am a great parent. I believe I am a good parent with the potential to be great. What’s the difference between good and great? Being proactive. Repeating less of the same mistakes. And while I have my moments of greatness, there are still more opportunities for improvements. I can #DoBetter. I must #DoBetter.

If you are a parent, I am not here to dismiss your pain or the challenges you have to take on. I am not here to suggest all the problems you have you will overcome in this lifetime. I am suggesting that you have the privilege to raise fighters. And they can learn how best to fight by seeing their parents fight for them. FIGHT to create opportunities for your children to tap into their greatness. FIGHT for the communities that you live in to be cultivating spaces for greatness. FIGHT for yourself right against all the things you wish you would have gotten right as a parent. And FIGHT against whatever is within you to embrace the grace needed to be the parent that your child/children deserve.

 

Train ‘em well! You got this!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

My Favorite Klarc

 May 30, 2026

Dedicated to the Joy in my life!

You, my daughter, have been asking me for years, so here it goes…you are my favorite Klarc! …whether it is spelled Klarc or Clark. You are my favorite Joy on the planet. Most importantly, you are my favorite daughter. Even though I have been privileged to have goddaughters given to me before and after you were born, you are my favorite…But none of that is why you are my favorite…daughter! That is just icing on the cake!

I’m so proud of you! To say I am a proud peacock is an understatement! You have motivated me to be the best version of me since the first time I held you. I never left you out of sight. And in those early days of your life, you never let me out of yours. Please remember, this blog writing started because of you! I wanted you to know that creating an empowering environment around you motivated me. I wanted you to know that your Black Girl Magic can change things on the micro AND macro level. I want
ed to offer a blog that encouraged people to find joy matched with the joy you bring in the world.

Embrace this…You are a bringer of joy! So, what does that even mean?! It means everywhere you go, every person who meets you is better for their experience with you. You constantly seek the good in people, even when they fail to demonstrate it with their behaviors. Don’t lose that…it’s a gift from God! More often than not, you have turned your biggest haters into your biggest fans. Anyone who tries to lower your intensity of your joy should be seen as questionable and probably someone that needs to be blocked (in every way)! Your heart and your acts of service are things that truly make Jesus proud. BRAVO!!!

You are more than a conqueror! Don’t forget this! I don’t know all the challenges you face as Black teenage girl becoming a Black young woman…Even before you have entered the space of adulthood I have seen you deal with racism, sexism, bullying, self-doubt, challenges with new experiences, challenges with mastering new skills, those who misrepresent Christianity, and the ups and downs of friendships. Yet, these attacks on your success have not been able to claim victory against you. You have claimed victory! But you didn’t stop there. You are continuously finding victory when it comes to academics. You have got the victory of finishing high school and community college nearly a year before you were scheduled to…if you didn’t know, that’s special. THAT’S ELITE! Don’t let no one try to tell you any different! There is more to your story to tell. And I am confident you will tell it one day, when you are ready…not to brag…not for fame, but because you understand our stories serve as a vessel of what could be for others to hold onto in times of hopelessness or despair.

You do not have to follow the paths of your mother and me. There is no need! You are a natural trailblazer! Continue to make your own path! The most important lessons I learned was to be me and not to be anyone else but me…As you continue to grow and prosper not everyone's going to celebrate your journey…not everyone's going to want to give you the flowers you have earned. That doesn't mean you slow down…that doesn't mean you wait for the recognition…that means keep on pushing because the marathon continues. This is not a sprint... this is a distance run. And there's going to be people who will give you thoughts and attempt to offer detours because your run doesn't look like theirs. You were never meant to have a journey like anyone else's because you are Klarc Joy Vida! You are a visionary and how you choose to embrace that vision it's between God and you.

Remember the pieces of your story they have gotten you to this point. You didn't get here because you were like everyone else. You are here doing the things you do because when people said you couldn't you said, “Hold on hold my hat and watch me.!” So, while you are on a different part of the journey called life, the strategy is still the same. Tell everyone who's trying to tell you what to do and how to do it, you tell them to hold your hat and watch you work!

You have been blessed with an intuition like no other. Trust it more than the friends you make along the way…trust it more than the professors and mentors who lack the imagination to be able to wonder and create in ways that come to you with ease…unfortunately, sometimes that might even include me. I ask that you be willing to forgive us, offer us grace. My hope is that I am pushing forward more than I am holding you back. Always remember, Hurds don’t quit…and know that you got this!

Your Favorite Dad,
Your Favorite Elgrie…Your Ubér!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Do You

October 31, 2025

Dedicated to Aaniyah Thomas

We ask young people to have their own life figured out at 13! That’s a problematic strategy. Think back when you were 13…do you have the same views on the world as an adult that you had at 13?! Probably not. Some of us hadn’t even hit puberty yet! I think it is easy to lean into a revisionist history of our past and forget what it was really like to be a teenager or a young adult. And we gotta stop that! If we don’t change our behavior, we will create additional barriers to the generations who come after us. We unknowingly also shackle ourselves to mandates that are nothing more than dead ends.

"What’s your passion?!” That is the question I often ask people, especially young people. Passions are important. They can be your driving force even when all the odds are against you. Passions are individualized and they are not limited to a college major or a career. Having a passion is a great precursor to finding one’s purpose. Finding one’s purpose tends to get lost in our journey in this life because some of us are too worried about who will be pleased and who will be pissed off. Remember, they ain't gotta get you for you to be you! Your passion is uniquely designed for you! My goddaughter, I've never been more proud of you. Traditions did not shackle you. With your tiny voice you had the loudest echo on what you were called to be! The world ain’t ready! But, so what?! You ready! Go get it!!!

Don't let anyone hijack your dreams! You get this tiny window in time where no one is looking for you to change the world or be a full-fledged adult. Make the most of it. At some point, adulting comes a knocking. And when it does and you answer, you won’t get this time back. The graveyard of what-if dreams is full. It does not need any more donations. Get all the materials for your dreams! Keep building! And if you need a hand, we got you!

While we all want greatness for you, don’t get bamboozled. Perfection is the trap! Perfection is not a requirement to be the best version of you. Hold on to this truth. Don't let not getting it perfectly hold you hostage. Embrace the imperfections and mistakes because we learn best. There is always a lesson to build on from everything we experience. Your job is to become a master detective, collect the clues, and solve the ministry that is your story. I just want you to be great…I can't tell you what that means…I can tell you what it ain’t…It ain't quitting because it's hard or because it doesn't look how you imagined. It ain't leaning on your talents…You gotta put in work…probably more than you ever have. Mediocrity and complacency can't be in the future…it's gotta stay in your rear-view mirror. Don't look back!

Take your time! Take it all in! You have this moment to make it about you. If you don't own this moment, you are cheating! You are cheating yourself from what could be because you can't see what's meant to be. You are cheating the world because no one but you was designed to do the things you do in the manner you will get it done. In this moment, slow down and experience the journey…don’t get so caught up in reaching the finish line that you can't celebrate every milestone. Let others celebrate you. Most importantly, become your own celebration station.

 

Your Godfather,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

Step Away

 September 30, 2025

Sometimes we look inwardly and focus on getting ourselves together. Some of us are privileged to have self-awareness that the conflicts you experience with others are not because of anyone other than us. Sometimes WE are the problem. And those conflicts cannot go away if we are not making time to improve. If this is you, we gotta identify the barriers we create, examine the impact, and determine possible sources of conflicts. And if you cannot be the source of the resolution you gotta be humble enough to find resources beyond you. You don't have to have all the answers to the problems in your life. You do have to be realistic enough about needing help. If that's the case for you, make the necessary changes to improve your relationships with others.

In other situations, you gotta step away because you need to go deep. There is a book called Deep Work (2016) by Cal Newport. What is deep work? Deep work is when you have the mindset in the effort to just focus on one thing…one big goal, and NOT multitasking to get it done. People talk about being committed to something and getting something done. Sadly, many people aren't really ready to do it because they don't understand or they refuse to accept the work needed to make it happen. Some musical artists have to go away when they're working on their music. They can't be bothered, they gotta be focused. They can't let anything else distract them. Deep work means being really committed to the project and giving it time in concentration.

To me, it means barricading myself in a room, all of my snacks and everything that I need to get to work. This allows me to get into the zone and get the work done. I know if I’m not intentional with the big projects, they will remain just ideas. They will be part of my idea graveyard that is full of goals that will remain indefinitely incomplete…a what-if that will remain a what-if…I don’t like leaving missions incomplete. So, that means there are times I gotta step away, please don't take it personally. It's not you, it's me!

Make a way to do the deep work

Everyone you know may not understand your reasons for stepping away and that's okay. They are not you. They may not know what is required to do what you need to do, so that you can get to a place where you can thrive…to get to a place where simply surviving is not the end goal. The journey might not be easy. It's probably going to be a lot of unexpected roadblocks in your journey to get to the place you need to be, but don't be discouraged, stay focused and get it done. I'll see you on the other side!

 

Your fan,
Elgrie J.