Better than I Deserve

June 30, 2026

Father’s Day occurs every June in the United States. I know there are various views about the holiday celebrating fathers. Some love it. Some hate it. Some think it is a leftover holiday that gets the leftover appreciation associated with Mother’s Day. All these views have validity to someone. For me, I’ll take it all. The holiday ain’t perfect, but I know how to make it work. The reality is my fatherhood ain’t limited to one day. What also holds true is that fatherhood is a privilege, not a birth right. The world is full of unfairness and parenting is no different.

On the parenting tip…I am fortunate. There are many people who want to be parents that are biologically theirs. Yet, there are barriers that impede this reality that don't get enough attention. Some parents have children that are before they're born. The official name for these children are stillborns. The CDC stated that 1 in 175 births are stillborn births. Sadly, Harvard University learned that is not accurate. Harvard University found that the national average is more like 1 in 150 births. And in some communities, it is as high as 1 in 95 births! That’s high! It also means that just because someone gets to be pregnant doesn't mean they get to enjoy parenting. I have four children. I have not had the heartbreak of having a stillborn child directly, but I have walked in pain with people who have. To make a positive use of their pian, I use my job to do all that I can to raise awareness about stillborns, the privilege of parenting, and hopefully create space for more empathy on the topic.

Miscarriages serve as another challenge for those who want to be parents. There are many types of miscarriages. Shockingly, some pregnant people may not even know that they were pregnant, or that that they lost their baby. So, why do I give you all this information? It's a reminder that the opportunity to become a parent is a privilege. We do not earn the right to become parents. My other hope is that you don't put your foot in your mouth and make an awkward scenario for someone by asking them where they're going to have a kid…when we do this, we are demonstrating a lack of understanding of the biological barriers to be able to birth a baby successfully. So, even if you only got one kid, it is better than you deserve.

Nearly 20 years in, I still do not have this parenting down. I don’t think I am a great parent. I believe I am a good parent with the potential to be great. What’s the difference between good and great? Being proactive. Repeating less of the same mistakes. And while I have my moments of greatness, there are still more opportunities for improvements. I can #DoBetter. I must #DoBetter.

If you are a parent, I am not here to dismiss your pain or the challenges you have to take on. I am not here to suggest all the problems you have you will overcome in this lifetime. I am suggesting that you have the privilege to raise fighters. And they can learn how best to fight by seeing their parents fight for them. FIGHT to create opportunities for your children to tap into their greatness. FIGHT for the communities that you live in to be cultivating spaces for greatness. FIGHT for yourself right against all the things you wish you would have gotten right as a parent. And FIGHT against whatever is within you to embrace the grace needed to be the parent that your child/children deserve.

 

Train ‘em well! You got this!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III