My Favorite Klarc

 May 30, 2026

Dedicated to the Joy in my life!

You, my daughter, have been asking me for years, so here it goes…you are my favorite Klarc! …whether it is spelled Klarc or Clark. You are my favorite Joy on the planet. Most importantly, you are my favorite daughter. Even though I have been privileged to have goddaughters given to me before and after you were born, you are my favorite…But none of that is why you are my favorite…daughter! That is just icing on the cake!

I’m so proud of you! To say I am a proud peacock is an understatement! You have motivated me to be the best version of me since the first time I held you. I never left you out of sight. And in those early days of your life, you never let me out of yours. Please remember, this blog writing started because of you! I wanted you to know that creating an empowering environment around you motivated me. I wanted you to know that your Black Girl Magic can change things on the micro AND macro level. I want
ed to offer a blog that encouraged people to find joy matched with the joy you bring in the world.

Embrace this…You are a bringer of joy! So, what does that even mean?! It means everywhere you go, every person who meets you is better for their experience with you. You constantly seek the good in people, even when they fail to demonstrate it with their behaviors. Don’t lose that…it’s a gift from God! More often than not, you have turned your biggest haters into your biggest fans. Anyone who tries to lower your intensity of your joy should be seen as questionable and probably someone that needs to be blocked (in every way)! Your heart and your acts of service are things that truly make Jesus proud. BRAVO!!!

You are more than a conqueror! Don’t forget this! I don’t know all the challenges you face as Black teenage girl becoming a Black young woman…Even before you have entered the space of adulthood I have seen you deal with racism, sexism, bullying, self-doubt, challenges with new experiences, challenges with mastering new skills, those who misrepresent Christianity, and the ups and downs of friendships. Yet, these attacks on your success have not been able to claim victory against you. You have claimed victory! But you didn’t stop there. You are continuously finding victory when it comes to academics. You have got the victory of finishing high school and community college nearly a year before you were scheduled to…if you didn’t know, that’s special. THAT’S ELITE! Don’t let no one try to tell you any different! There is more to your story to tell. And I am confident you will tell it one day, when you are ready…not to brag…not for fame, but because you understand our stories serve as a vessel of what could be for others to hold onto in times of hopelessness or despair.

You do not have to follow the paths of your mother and me. There is no need! You are a natural trailblazer! Continue to make your own path! The most important lessons I learned was to be me and not to be anyone else but me…As you continue to grow and prosper not everyone's going to celebrate your journey…not everyone's going to want to give you the flowers you have earned. That doesn't mean you slow down…that doesn't mean you wait for the recognition…that means keep on pushing because the marathon continues. This is not a sprint... this is a distance run. And there's going to be people who will give you thoughts and attempt to offer detours because your run doesn't look like theirs. You were never meant to have a journey like anyone else's because you are Klarc Joy Vida! You are a visionary and how you choose to embrace that vision it's between God and you.

Remember the pieces of your story they have gotten you to this point. You didn't get here because you were like everyone else. You are here doing the things you do because when people said you couldn't you said, “Hold on hold my hat and watch me.!” So, while you are on a different part of the journey called life, the strategy is still the same. Tell everyone who's trying to tell you what to do and how to do it, you tell them to hold your hat and watch you work!

You have been blessed with an intuition like no other. Trust it more than the friends you make along the way…trust it more than the professors and mentors who lack the imagination to be able to wonder and create in ways that come to you with ease…unfortunately, sometimes that might even include me. I ask that you be willing to forgive us, offer us grace. My hope is that I am pushing forward more than I am holding you back. Always remember, Hurds don’t quit…and know that you got this!

Your Favorite Dad,
Your Favorite Elgrie…Your Ubér!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Look How Far You've Come

 October 31, 2024

 Sometimes we normalize our reality. Some of us dismiss the fact that we were not always where we (currently) are. We often forget how far we have come. Unfortunately, when we do this, we miss an opportunity to build our confidence and understand our impact on the world. It also stops us from dreaming. When we accomplish a goal or live out a dream, we are giving ourselves permission to dream again. We are giving ourselves permission to create new goals.

There was a time when my 1st-born didn't believe in his running abilities. No one other than his dad was speaking to his ability. Eventually, a few coaches took notice. However, his belief was not aligned with theirs. He was stuck in where he started versus where he actually was. My son ran cross country all four years of high school. When he started 4 years ago, his team was not a team…they were individuals who were wearing the same uniform. This year was different. This year my son and his teammates were reflective. They didn't dwell on what they hadn't done. They celebrated where they come from. They lived in the moment. This approach carried into almost every race they had. And while their season didn't end the way they wanted, their appreciation of where they came and what they accomplished can never be taken from them. They created a new culture that has the potential to be part of the legacy they leave behind.

I am so excited about where I am in my life! I am so excited about what I get to do for my family and my community. My excitement is rooted in refusing to let my “what ifs” steal the excitement and peace of mind of what is going on in the here and now! Every setback and every lesson have built the foundation I need to thrive in the now. I needed doors shut on me…I needed disruptions and interference that were thrown my way…These experiences gave me humility and gratitude that were essential to personal and professional growth.

In the not-too-distant past, I got to take in how far I’ve come in a way I have never done before. I have always been a fan of Dr. Michael Eric Dyson. From the way that he writes, to the way he speaks, I have been inspired. My early research interests were supported by the writings of Dr. Dyson. When I was working on my master’s at San Jose State University, my research was focused on Hip-Hop. I was examining the good, the bad, and the ugly of Hip-Hop culture. Hip-Hop has been part of my cultural experience long before I had words to describe it. And in graduate school, I wanted to do my part to offer deeper insight into the complexities of Hip-Hop. My research led me to analyze the complexities of Tupac Shakur. There was a lot written about Tupac and Hip-Hop that I used for references. Nothing was as influential to me as the works of Dr. Dyson.

As a graduate student, I often could not afford a lot of the books I needed. Thankfully, I went to a university that had an awesome library. One of the books they had was Dyson’s Holler If You Hear Me (2001). I would spend nights reading and re-reading it…I would make notes in my 3” x 5” pocket memo pad that I still had from my undergraduate studies. Because the book was not mine, I wanted to make sure I made exhaustive notes. I wrote down direct quotes, page numbers, and my own commentary. I took so many notes, I almost ran out of space in my memo pad. I remember wishing I owed the book, so I could engage with the text like I had with books I owed. I did not know when, but I knew one day that would change.

That was 2005-2006. Now it is 2024. It is mind-blowing how far I have come! While I do not buy every book that could offer insight, I have more books with my handwritten responses than I did back at San Jose State. I have had the chance to review numerous textbooks and even get recognition by the authors in a few of them. There was a time when I just wanted people to give me a shot in academia. Now, I get the privilege to be requested as a subject matter expert. I have the honor to stay in touch with many of those who have mentored me. They have gotten a chance to see me mature. I have also been able to offer sage to those who are already full of so much wisdom. I thank them constantly for how they have blessed me. I see the value in full-circle moments, and I attempt to identify them as often as I can.

October 25, 2024, gave me another chance to have a full-circle moment. I was invited to attend a dinner where Dr. Michael Eric Dyson was being honored for his literary works. I brought two of my Dyson books and a pen with the hopes I could get an autograph. I arrived when he arrived; I parked as he was parking. We walked into the venue at the same time. He said good evening, and I could not say a word…I was too overwhelmed to say anything. Then, for a brief moment after the ceremony, he was alone. I thanked him for his writings. I told him that I wrote my master’s project on Tupac Shakur. I told him that his writings helped me share my thoughts on Tupac. I told him my occupation and he told me he was proud of the work I was doing. We took pictures. He signed my books, and we took more pictures. If you told me in 2006, I would be taking pictures with Dr. Michael Eric Dyson like we were besties, I would have never believed you. But it happened…it is an experience I’ll never forget.

Today is possible because of yesterday. Tomorrow is possible because of today. We often make the mistake of not remembering our personal and/or professional evolution. We manifest our goals more than we don't. It has been said that you need 5 positive comments to balance out one negative comment. For everything in your life you view as a failure, there are at least 5 things you have accomplished. My 2004 paved the way for my 2024. In those 20 years, there's more to celebrate than to dwell on. My belief is that is also true for you. If you look at how far you have come, I believe you should consider a celebration dance. Until then, I'm doing it for you!

 

Be well!
-Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Find the Finish Line!

August 30, 2024

To my Sunshine 🌞, Dr. Barker, Dr. Ng, Dr. Danico, and Dr. Humber for believing in me when I did not believe in myself.  

I met my Sunshine 🌞 in 2002. When we first met, we talked about our biggest dreams. One of my biggest dreams was to earn a Ph.D. But, if I was being honest, it was just a dream. I had no idea what it took…my Sunshine 🌞 knew I could get it done. She didn't know when, but she knew it would happen…she knew I would reach the finish line. She believed so much that she changed my name in her cell phone to Dr. Hurd. My Sunshine 🌞 paved the way for others to call me Dr. Hurd. I appreciate all who saw the finish line for my doctoral journey. Unfortunately, I couldn't see it. I wasn't unaware of what I had or how to get across the finish line.

In high school I learned that I found another gear to run when I saw the finish line. Why does that matter? Because no matter the distance of the race…no matter how tired I was, there was ALWAYS something left in my energy tank. Knowing this gave me the confidence at the end of every race to catch whoever was in front of me and get to the finish line with everything I had. For many aspects of my life, this approach has worked. Unfortunately, sometimes effort isn't enough. Recently, my doctoral journey at Dallas Baptist University (DBU) has reminded me of a journey where effort was not enough to get to the finish line. September 2018 was my final attempt to finish what I started. I was enrolled in a Ph.D. program at another university off and on for nearly a decade. I had completed all my course work...I began working on the first two chapters of my dissertation. And then it all came to an end. I did not finish. I may have been close, but I could not see the finish line. No one in the program believed in me; I struggled to get those who were assigned to serve on my dissertation committee to see value in my topic. It led me to think maybe I finally met my academic match. Maybe this Ph.D. thing wasn't in the cards for me.

As a first-generation college student, having people who believe in me has always mattered…when I first came to DBU, I asked the provost and the program director, “Why did you all take me into your program when I didn't finish the last doctoral program I was in?” And they said, “What you submitted combined with your interview gave us the idea that you had a chance to actually finish what you started, given the right resources.” …Now, how the right resources were interpreted was often different between how I saw it versus how the university saw it...And while it was true, I did have some faculty who believed in me. I don't know if their belief in me alone could counteract my self-doubt from past attempts and the faculty who didn't believe in me. (And for those who didn't believe in me, it wasn't the fact that they specifically said they didn't believe in me, it was their unintentional dismissal of things I brought to the table that went against the status quo that already existed in academia.) It was having classmates who were in the trenches with me who not only had a similar goal to complete this journey, but their stories were culturally relevant to me and my stories were culture relevant to them. And so, when I hit my dark spots, they shined light for me. And when they were in their darkest spots, I shined light for them. It was my family making sacrifices and my friends who already had a Ph.D. becoming my hype team when I was deflated. All these resources served as opportunities for iron sharpening iron. These resources helped me in undergrad to fight through challenges that seem insurmountable. In my first master's program, these resources helped me overcome academic rejection from other universities, navigate career choices/research ideas, and overcome systemic discrimination that exists in our criminal Justice system. And so, we fast forward to 2024 and I was reminded how leaning on my village still matters!

I might be accomplished in many things, but when it comes to navigating academics beyond my job duties, it often feels overwhelming. It often feels like I'm not good enough. Earlier this month I had to complete my written and oral comprehensive exams to become a doctoral candidate at DBU. The comprehensive exams have been talked about and presented as the big scary monster in the closet since the first day of the program. Many of my classmates were overwhelmed about these exams before we got through our 1st month of our program! As we approached August 2024, many classmates had different strategies on how they were going to be successful and how they needed to prepare for these comprehensive exams. In a doctoral program, there isn't 1 finish line…There are 2 finish lines. One finish line was passing the comprehensive exams. The other finish line is finishing your dissertation. For me, I always saw the finish line for the comprehensive exams. I believe that my past experiences and my understanding of learning and the application of learning would collide with the comprehensive exams…I believed I would get the victory. At times, the hysteria of classmates, the cryptic tales of graduates sharing their journey sometimes clouded my ability to see the finish line. When I got away from all that chaos and put on my noise-reduction academic headphones, I found clarity, and I went back to what I knew to prepare myself for success.

Just like when I ran 5ks, I had something no one could take away from me. And when it came to the comprehensive exams, I knew I had been preparing for this since the 1st day I started…Every class in every discussion I tied it to a general research idea and preparation for the comprehensive exams. So, when I got the results back that I had passed all parts, to say I was elated is an understatement. It was also vindication that I truly had seen that first finish line.

I can’t lie, this second finish line is unfamiliar. It’s a place I've never experienced before and my previous attempt to complete a Ph.D. finish line did not go as planned. But this experience is different for all the right reasons. I believe in the possibilities…I believe the possibilities can be my reality. I understand everything that did not happen as planned has paved the way for everything that is happening right now. For the first time everything's coming together and something that was once a scattered puzzle, is now lacking one final piece for completion. And as for someone who's not big on puzzles, it's cool that I know where the final piece is and where to put the final piece. I know where the final piece is because I have been given the cheat code by so many people who have walked with me. Every step of this journey, it prepared me…and I see! I'm able to see the glitch in the matrix…Sometimes the glitch was my doubt, which was in hibernation. I now know how to move that doubt out of the way. I know what it takes to get there! I'm here for it! I've trained and prepared for this day. And the finish line is not far.

When you are in unfamiliar territory, some of us need someone/something to assure us we will be fine. Sometimes we need a reminder we are on the right track towards the finish line until we can see/envision the finish line. Sometimes it's the people around us. Sometimes it's a feeling you are on the right track. Sometimes it's the voice of God. Sometimes it's all of those. I can't say what it will be for you to help you get to the finish line that seems impossible or that's part of a whole new journey that you'd never experience before. What I can say is if you want to get there…if you want the victory…if you want the confidence, tap into the things that have given you confidence in the past, and figure out how to parlay those into something new and amazing. I look forward to completing my academic race. My hope is that you get to cross all the finish lines that you never thought were possible because impossible is nothing!

The finish line is closer than you think…that is true for me too. To get to my doctoral journey finish line, I must utilize some of the strategies I mastered as a distance runner: I gotta minimize distractions; I gotta channel my energy on efficiency. That means I may reply to communication slower, and I may have less fellowship with the people who have been part of my village. If you know me, that is a big ask. But it is what I gotta do. It is what I owe to all of those who have paved the way for me. I don't know if that means this blog goes on a hiatus or if this blog continues to be a training ground for my writing…What I do know is, I see the finish line! It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when! Thank you for celebrating my journey to the next finish line. Watch me work!!!

 

Elgrie J
- Doctoral Candidate, Leadership Studies, Gary Cook School of Leadership, Dallas Baptist University

Don't Hold Back

June 30, 2024

It is a privilege to be a girl dad! Before I had my own daughter, I had been given the honor of being a godfather to 3 daughters. So now, I'm a father of 4 daughters! What a blessing! The blessings don't stop there. Now two are on their way to college. I couldn't be prouder!
As they begin their next part of their journey in higher education, I think of the book that I received when I graduated with my bachelor's degree. The title of the book was Oh the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. For those who may not be familiar with the book, it's the story that offers pearls of wisdom for those entering adulthood. The book stresses perseverance over difficult situations and keeping your head high even when all hope seems lost. For years I would give this book to mentees who finished high school or college. To be clear, I am no Dr. Seuss when it comes to writing! Regardless, I still wanted to offer a personalized message to my goddaughters and anyone else who could benefit from a motivational push. So, I offer those who are reading this blog three tips that may be helpful…

Tip #1: Don't let the trauma of those who came before automatically become yours.
The people who came before you have a story but it doesn't have to be your story. People that came before you have had their own setbacks and their own barriers. For many, their barriers become trauma they have not sought healing from. And those barriers/traumas often serve as detractors for them to reclaim their dreams for them to dream. With inability to dream, they may struggle to be your cheerleader. Their trauma strips them of hope; strips them of the possibility of another way for their story to continue. This does not have to be your story! Don't let someone's nightmare destroy your dreams of what may be. Defend your dreams!!! Resist the idea that the trauma of others must become yours to honor them. Free yourself from that logic! Be your biggest cheerleader because no one can walk your journey but you. Remember, your future is not determined by the trauma of all those who came before you.

Tip #2: Don't let the fear of a loved one imprison you from doing things their fear cannot imagine.
When you are the first to do something, it can seem impossible to others. Whether you're the first person you're going to attend college (and graduate), first to get married, first to have a family…the first to play a sport, the first to study abroad…the first to be an entrepreneur, or maybe the first in your family to be a professional artist. Whatever your first might be, fear will always be one of your enemies. When fear tries to set in, you gotta be courageous to not let fear control the outcome. I know what it's like to do things first in the family. It might seem scary; in the end it’s worth it! Take a chance! Take a leap of faith like I have on numerous occasions and know that your loved one's lack of imagination doesn't have to be the shackles that make you stagnant. Snatch the key from fear and free yourself! Live life to its fullest!

Tip #3: Find your home (away from home)!
As one of my goddaughters and other mentees were trying to determine which university to attend, I asked them, “which university makes you not wanna leave?” I went on to tell them that for me, Cal Poly Pomona University was my home away from home. I stressed the idea that wherever they go, it needs to feel like home. So, whatever you're trying to do, whether it's college, considering relocating to another part of the country, or just trying to live your best life, surround yourself with a foundation of people and opportunities that make you feel like home; that makes you feel safe. A place that allows you to be vulnerable and protected at the same time. This requires finding a space that aligns with your values and your faith. Home may look different for different people. But when you find home, it begins on a journey toward you having freedom on this side of eternity.

As I conclude this blog post, it makes me think of Marianne Williamson’s short poem, “Our Deepest Fear.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

I love the poem written by Marianne Williamson. I love it because a lot of us fear being greater than we can imagine. With that greatness comes the responsibility not to hide it. And that responsibility can seem daunting. People will criticize how well you use/don’t use your greatness…people will reach out for self-serving reasons…and some people will walk away from having a relationship with you because they doubt that they too have greatness within them.   Do not hide your light because the world might get more challenging. Take a lesson from Marianne Williamson: You've only got one life to live, so don't hold back! Greatness awaits!!!

Your digital cheerleader for your greatest success!
-Elgrie J. 

***Blog post update: As of July 2024, now I have a new (newborn) goddaughter to look after. The daughter count is now 5!

Do it for You

March 29, 2024

Going to school and doing well in school wasn't originally for me. I did it for my eldest sister. I learned how to read for her. When she died, I wanted to mimic the light she shined for the world…I wanted to bring joy like she did. But that only takes you so far…I pursued a pre-med option for college to honor my sister. So, I signed up for all the hardest science classes in high school. I even signed up for extra classes. But then, I struggled to stay motivated…I tried prepping to major in engineering for my dad...but that didn't work. I wasn't motivated to continue. External motivation can be a starting point. However, I came to learn that without internal motivation, doing things on behalf of others is not enough.

When it comes to sports, I love basketball and soccer. In high school my love for these sports didn't match my talent nor opportunity. Fortunately, I did have other avenues. I needed a mix of opportunity and passion. This mixture helped me thrive in wrestling and distance running…And it was then I realized the lane I found was not the lane I expected, but it was a lane for me…That was internally motivating. It pushed me to do more than the bare minimum; I was inspired to do more. I did it for me…even if others didn’t get it. Fast forward to my adulting days. As a parent I've seen all four of my biological children figure this out in their own unique way…For this blog I wanna focus on how my daughter is embracing this idea.

This month is Women's Herstory Month…On March 24th I witnessed my daughter’s efforts to define her story come full circle! Most of my kids don't put in a request to play sports. When they don't give me ideas, they get assigned to track & field…A few years ago my daughter decided she was ready to create her own path for sports. She left track; she chose roller derby. I'm excited about her decision. I'm even excited about her challenges. She experienced the challenges of finding a team. Apparently, teenage (junior) roller derby teams are hard to come by, depending on where you live. She had to learn the sport and improve her skating skills. She had to wrestle with the growing pains of being coached, breaking bones (literally), and even becoming a true teammate. Through it all, she has not been deterred for long; she has kept pushing because it was what she wanted. She knew if she didn't lead the effort, it wasn't going to happen. And now, her internal drive has become infectious! Now I'm internally motivated to support her endeavor…it's personal! I have internal AND external value in all she does for roller derby…I'm motivated to be one of her biggest fans. I love she has given me new reasons to be a proud #GirlDad. 

Inspiration from others only gets you so far. If you've got no buy-in for what you do, it is bound not to last. Every action you do should be tied to motivation that matters to you. It doesn't matter how it starts; it matters how you develop it. Sometimes the motivation starts off simply because it needs to get done. Other times it starts off as a need to reach an accomplishment. Remember, extrinsic motivation can turn into intrinsic motivation. Your motivational opportunities are waiting for you! Go get them! Do it for you!!!

 

-Elgrie J.
#GirlDad

What You Don't See

February 28, 2024

 “...But what they don't know is when you go home
And get behind closed doors, man you hit the floor
And what they can't see is you're on your knees
So the next time you get it, just tell 'em
It's the God in me…”  - Mary Mary

 

The top athletes spend countless hours prepping for the greatness we see

People see athletes like Patrick Maholmes, Simone Biles, Sarina Williams, and Steph Curry in their elements. To the casual fan, these athletes make what they do in their sport look easy. But that's far from the truth. Perception isn't always reality. I'm not a professional athlete…but I understand that without the work that you don't see, these unique athletic talents do not blow audiences away. I love the song by the Gospel duo Mary Mary called "God in Me” (2008) because their song fits the story of the athletes I have mentioned. But the application doesn't stop there. Anyone who is successful, it is the behind the scenes work that got them there. Success that we see in others is just the tip of the iceberg. The real work is often hidden.

I recently got a compliment about the work I do as a professor and the work I do when it comes to putting on educational workshops. What many people don't know is that I take my work very seriously. The concept of educating is not just a job to me. I am very intentional about trying to be the best version I can be in the classroom and as a consultant. So that means I am not afraid of putting in work. I am almost always looking at ways in which I can teach that will engage students better…I'm looking for feedback from my students and trying to implement their suggestions before the course ends. I am constantly dissecting the growth areas my students/supervisors/trust colleagues are identifying in how I facilitate my classes…

The prep work before the show is a puzzle I welcome! 

…I strive to be a forward thinker. I research the latest fads and the controversial topics (that are likely to not disappear) to be able to demonstrate to my students how what we're talking about in class is relevant beyond the classroom. I am trying to look at what are the best practices of consultants. I wanna know what helps them be successful. I wanna know what helps other consultants increase their referrals and increase their impact…I am not just simply teaching. I am trying to become a master of my craft when I'm not in the classroom. At home (when I am not resting), I am thinking of ways to make what I do to be the best version of me. My foundation of being the best version of me is attempting to answer how do I shrink the gap of what is polarizing to become small enough to create a safe environment for meaningful conversation and action. To me, no matter what compliments are sent my way, I feel there's a large space between where I am and where I want to be.

What I do isn't easy. It requires a level of commitment. It requires a level of reflection, and it requires a very, very focused intentionality in the things that I do. And I love every single aspect of it! Every single aspect of what I do behind the scenes allows me to do what I do in the classroom and as a consultant. I wouldn't trade it for the world. To me, it's all part of the process. And I'm here for it!!! I ain’t afraid of the hustle…I ain’t afraid of hard work that no one sees because I know the fruit the work yields.

It's important that I offer a warning to what I have written thus far. Just because you make something a priority in your life, does not mean you are gonna get the results you want when you want them. And it's not necessarily because you're not trying hard enough. My hope is that your behind-the-scenes commitment gets the results that you're looking for. And if you don't get the results that you're looking for, my hope is that you know you gave every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears. My hope is your focus and strategies were optimized to the best of your abilities. And if you do all of this, no one can say you didn't give it all. But I'm an eternal optimist…Become your own alchemist for success! Find the right formula for your dedication, timing, and resources. When you finally get those results, all that hard work will make the victory that much sweeter. So, go get it!

Elgrie J.
- A fan of your behind-the-scenes work and your life success

I'm not Begging (And Neither Should You)

 

June 30, 2023

The Temptations are a singing group that has made classic hit after classic hit. One of their classic hits is called “Ain't Too Proud to Beg.” It is a love song suggesting that the lead singer was willing to do just about anything to win the love of his woman back. This included being willing to beg for her to understand how much she meant to him. I am a hopeless romantic, so I can appreciate the sentiment. I can also recognize that this approach of begging does not need to be normalized for all things. In school and working spaces, some of us embrace the concept of imposter syndrome. At a quick glance it might make sense to embrace this concept. However, the more you unpack the implications behind imposter syndrome, you see a problem with the idea that does more harm than good. 

The problem with imposter syndrome is who is assigned the burden of responsibility for the environment. Imposter syndrome is the belief the newcomer does not see themselves as worthy of the position/status they have. Usually, the individual with this perspective does not fit the organization's profile norm. That difference could be ethnicity/race, Socio-economic status (SES) one was born into, or gender to name a few. I remember being concerned about my daughter having imposter syndrome about being in college classes as a middle schooler…This approach to my daughter’s experience was a flawed mindset on my end. Acknowledging the value of imposter syndrome allows me to ignore the institutional flaws of higher education. My daughter becomes the source problem, versus citing the way newcomers are singled out by the system they are seeking to participate in as the problem. In other words, I was considering blaming someone who had no say in the system they are being asked to join. My daughter deserves better, and so does anyone who comes into a new situation seeking for a chance to be included and valued. (Note: For more on the flaws of imposter syndrome, see how the creators of the term now realize that it has done more harm than good. )

I am at a place where I am confident in what I bring to the table. It does not mean I think I am the best; it means I can hold my own. It took me a while to get there…I kept thinking that being an overachiever would be enough for others to see my value. I've served as a consultant across the country, taken on projects to enhance my local community, and presented on various topics with positive reviews. But that has not been enough for certain friendships, community partnerships or business opportunities to see my worth. I realized that no matter what I did it would not please or convince some people. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was a pill I needed to take. Some of us work hard to please people in how we present themselves, we lose part of who we are. Showing why you have value should not come at the cost of losing value you have for yourself. If all of that is required for the validation of others, it might just be time to move on from those relationships.

I'm finally at a place where I'm not begging for validation. I am learning how to not try to fit into a box that was never made to include me. I am learning to articulate what I need from organizations for me to be fit. And I take no pleasure in repeating when I am not being listened to. I am not afraid to walk away and seek another opportunity. I'm not a fan of collateral damage, but if someone chooses to ignore my recommendations, the collateral damage responsibility falls on them. That might seem harsh, but my worth (and yours) is more valuable than the toxicity of poor leadership. 

So, what 's next?!  I'm gonna do me… don't let anyone stop you from doing you. Stop begging and start embracing being unapologetically you!

 

Be well!
- Elgrie J. Hurd, III

 

 

Embrace Your Story

 December 23, 2022

Don't be discouraged by detours in your story

Don't compare your story…don't belittle the impact of your story…an informal mentor once asked me to ask people I knew how I had affected their lives. A few people never responded…but there were a lot who did. O.M.G! The responses were not what I expected. I didn't know my story was worthy of celebration.

For me, how I felt about my cancer story was about how I felt my entire life story thus far. I did not think that my cancer story was worthy of celebration. To me, it wasn't a real cancer story because my cancer treatment was not intense or as long as others. But that's not how cancer works. If you have/had cancer, you have a cancer story. The same is true about the success you experience in life. Just because you don't win an Oscar, the World Cup, a Grammy, MVP, the Nobel Peace Prize, or the Pulitzer Prize doesn't mean the value of your success is limited to you.

Your story might be full of detours. That does not stop your story from being worthy of telling…worthy of embracing. Social media is a thorn in our self-worth…we see people portray their best selves, but not their struggles…not their flaws or moments of no self-esteem…Social media promotes instant responses…We often process that as instant results, or that our results should be identical to others…but you ain't them…you don't live their story and you don't need to. Acknowledge the fact that your story will have the ability to connect to others, even if you are not sure how it will happen.

Make time to record your story!

Don't walk into 2023 trying to create a story that you think people are expecting of you! You need to treat yourself better! The world needs you…and all that you perceive as baggage! Use it! Use it all to remind yourself of where you came from. Use it to remind yourself your story is not done yet. And when you all do all these things to embrace your story, you will be surprised by how many others you have inspired along the way. So, keep trucking and keep a written record of your journey because your story is worth more than you think!

 Be well!
-Elgrie J. Hurd III

My Belief is Greater than Your Doubt

November 26, 2022

I am not afraid of a good challenge

In February 2018, the Marvel Studios’ film Black Panther came to the big screen. Before the movie came out, I knew I needed to make this an experience for my whole family. So, I requested the latter half of the day off from work. I told my supervisor I would inform my students why I was leaving early. My supervisor and others thought this might give the students a bad impression; to miss class to see a movie. I told them, Black Panther was going to be more than a movie; it was going to be a cultural game changer. When February 2018 arrived, my belief became reality. Black Panther broke box office records and even made its presence at the Oscars. This fictional world of Wakanda gave hope and inspiration to Blacks and non-white people around the world.

Other movies have come out since then that were game changers…Jingle Jangle (2020), Crazy Rich Asians (2018), Encanto (2021), The Woman King (2022), and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022). For all of these films, each had to overcome the barriers of doubters. Doubters who did not want to fund the projects. Doubters who did not see the relevance and potential impact of the films. Some rationales of the doubters were rooted in the lack of Eurocentric faces portrayed in these films, the intentional inclusion of women as protagonists, and/or wanting to strip away the stories the filmmakers wanted to tell because they didn’t agree with the success they could bring. In each of these situations, many of the doubters probably did not even realize how their biases really spoke to their lack of vision more than the possibility of what could be. Thankfully the belief of the film makers was greater than the doubts of others.

Doubters underestimated us...our kids believed!!!

I am not a filmmaker, but I have had my own share of doubters in my life. People doubted my wife and I’s decision to homeschool our children for elementary school. The haters said our children would be socially awkward and that they would fall behind academically. We knew differently. Our belief in our skillset and commitment was greater than the confidence of others’ doubts. My wife was formally trained to be a teacher, and I had my own successful experiences teaching middle school and high school. Not only did my children strive academically, but they were able to unlock their unique talents that have been part of the foundation of their self-esteem…Some doubted my wife having a home birth. They questioned the medical soundness of the decision. Some even suggested that supporting my wife could lead to the death of my wife and unborn child. The birth of our fourth son was not only one of the smoothest births my wife had, but it also provided us with inspiration to help us support mothers to birth in peace. In 2018, I quit my full-time job to be a full-time adjunct professor. Doubters told me I would have to do it forever and be unable to support my family. I believed more than they doubted. My one year as a full-time adjunct made me the most qualified candidate for a full-time faculty position. Furthermore, as an adjunct, my family was never without…I had more quality time with them than any time period as a parent.

Too often we are waiting for others to be our biggest fans…unfortunately too often they are our biggest doubters. They think they are helping us play it safe. They believe in the long run it will lead to better success for us. The reality is those people who think they are helping often facilitate our lives to an endless series of what-ifs. In turn, it leads us to living a life heavy with shame. The doubters may not know their family lineage, but I know mine! I come from a lineage of courageous people! My maternal grandmother was courageous enough to take on Mississippi that was controlled by Jim Crow. My maternal grandfather was courageous to take on delivering weapons on the front line in WWII with no weapons other than his mind and his body. My father took on a computer industry that often tried to deny him based on his limited formal education, versus his knowledge that was light years ahead of some of his colleagues (and supervisors).

They said I couldn't...this picture says otherwise

I am not afraid to be courageous in the face of doubters. Whether it is my educational pursuits, how I cheer on my wife and my children, or even how I choose to use my skills to build people up (that are frequently left out). I am not afraid to tell my story in its entirety…the good, the bad, the ugly. The entirety of my story can offer people the encouragement to be courageous in their own journey. Find your family’s origin story of being courageous. And if you cannot find one within immediate family lineage, be the genesis of your family’s origins of being courageous! Believe in what you can do, even when others want to be contrary. Your belief can be greater than the doubts of others. Lean on your faith in you and what you were meant to do in society. The doubters are coming. Are you ready to outlast them?

Stay ready! Be well!
- Elgrie J. 

Cause It Needed to Be Done

 
Dedicated to the Inspirational life of Mr. Bill Russell…Thank you!

 

August 31, 2022

On July 31, 2022 around 2:21pm CST, my Sunshine sent me this text message: “Sit down before you open this… Barack Obama’s Instagram page.” I did not need to know what it was about to know it was not good. I was right. Barack Obama’s Instagram was giving a shout out about Bill Russell, stating, “Today, we lost a giant…As tall as Bill Russell stood, his legacy rises far higher - both as a player and as a person.” That is a good segue to describe what Bill Russell meant to me. Some athletes inspire you as an athlete. Bill Russell inspired me as an athlete and as an individual.

Mr. Bill Russell changed basketball is so many ways

When I was a boy, my dad gave me a Starting Lineup figurine of Bill Russell. At the time of receiving it, I had no idea who he was. There was no Internet accessible like it is now. I had to go to local libraries to figure out who he was. I reviewed almanacs, encyclopedias, and many NBA history books. When it was all done, I learned that Bill Russell was the embodiment of success on and off the court, but for many generations that have come after him, it’s almost like there is sports achievement amnesia surrounding Mr. Russell. Some have forgotten he is part of a rare list in basketball. In one year, he won a national college championship, an Olympic gold medal, and NBA championship. He was the first Black head coach in the NBA, only player-coach to win multiple NBA titles, and he won 11 NBA championships in 13 years. Impressive is an understatement! And throughout his professional sports career he was not always the best player on his team. To me, he was the ultimate teammate on the court. He was often the best teammate on the court because he was willing to do what needed to be done to help his teams win. This holistic package is why Bill Russell is still my favorite basketball player of all-time.

Decades later, I still love playing basketball. What was true when I was a child is still true now. I was never the best player on the court. I wasn't the best shooter, or ball handler, or defender. I knew if I wanted a chance to be part of teams, I had to get out of my feelings, and figure out how I was gonna contribute…I did what needed to be done. I have held onto this mentality as a value that is a foundational aspect of what makes me - me.

In my personal and professional worlds, I do a lot of things that if I chose to promote them might bring notoriety in a monetary way. I edit textbooks, consult for municipalities, volunteer with numerous non-profits, and mentor others. Rarely, will you hear me sharing those things in casual conversation. It is not because they are not important. It is because the recognition is not at the center of why I do it. I picked up this approach from Mr. Bill Russell. He was the ultimate teammate in the community, too. Even in the twilight days of his life, you will hear stories of Mr. Russell doing things in the community (inside and outside the NBA). Mr. Russell did not do things for recognition. For him, he often helped simply because it needed to be done.

Russell welcomed recognition but it wasn't the motivation

Most recently I was nominated by one of my peers to be considered for our college’s faculty of the year award. At first, I was not sure why I was nominated. To me, I do not do anything out of the ordinary. I seek to teach in a way that is engaging and provide ways for the course material to be applied outside the classroom. But, to some of my colleagues, I do more than that. While I recognize some see this as a big deal, I do it because it needs to be done. Whether I ever get publicly acknowledged again for my efforts, I am going to keep doing what I do, because that’s what needs to be done. And apparently, having a “cause it needed to be done philosophy” is contagious. I have had the privilege of seeing my children help others in various ways because it needed to be done. You never know who is watching you. You never know how your values might become values someone else embraces. Act wisely!

I hope more of us do things simply because they need to get done. There are cynical people who believe individuals doing good things because it is the right thing to do (and do it without recognition) is rare. I strongly disagree. There are plenty of people behind the scenes doing great things to make the world better with small and large humanitarian acts. Our challenges are to stop waiting to see behaviors in someone else and to stop waiting for someone to broadcast an individual’s acts of service. We should start looking at ourselves and figure out what is holding us from filling a need when no one is watching or cheering us on. You see a need, be a solution to the need. Why? Because it needs to be done!

Be well!
Elgrie J. Hurd III
-2022-2023 Dallas College’s Minnie Stevens Piper Excellence in Teaching Award Nominee

Number One Fan

 

July 31, 2022

For more than two decades my maternal grandmother was my #1 fan. She believed I could do anything or be anything. And she made sure everyone who came in her path knew it too. My first seasonal job while in college was at an affluent shopping mall. When my grandma learned about my interview, she volunteered herself to attend (and I awkwardly and under duress agreed). She got my hourly wages to be higher than what I was willing to accept. She saw my worth even when I didn't. She knew the relationship pitfalls I ended up in before I did. Things changed when she met my Sunshine. The moment she met her she knew what I knew: My Sunshine is the one; my Sunshine is my favorite-favorite. 

For nearly 20 years, my favorite-favorite has been my Sunshine 🌞.  To those unfamiliar with me or this blog, that is the nickname for Althea, my wife. But she's more than any of these titles. For 18+ years my Sunshine has been my #1 fan. It's like the moment she met my grandmother there was a passing of a baton. Like my grandmother, she often sees the Greatness in me that I don't see. She believed in my ability to teach at colleges and complete academic work at the graduate level. I was Dr. Hurd to her when I only saw myself as Elgrie.

And while I am honored to have Sunshine as my #1 fan, I love the privilege to be her biggest fan. I learned early on that as much as she denies it, she's a life-long learner. I love her commitment to continually learn how to love me. She found new interests and figured out what tools she needed to learn and apply what she knew. Whether it is teaching, tutoring, being a doula, birth educator, midwife assistant, or carpenter, she is always learning. I’m here for it! I’m a fan!

I am a fan of the way she loves others…and that starts with our children. She inspired me in how her love translates into her commitment to love each of our children based on their unique ways. She has taught me that all my children can be my favorites. I am a fan of her heart for those in need. While her target audience may be Black people, she is willing to answer the call of someone in need no matter their background. Most surprisingly, I am a fan because you are the model of living in the moment. It's a difficult thing to operate in a world that encourages you to be so focused on what's next you are likely to not focus on the now…18 years into this marriage I don't wanna miss out on the present because I'm dreading the past or hyper focused on the future. Why rush through the present to get to the future. "The future is coming…sooner than you think." Until then, I want to live out every sunrise and sunset with God's gift to me…my Sunshine.


 Everyone deserves to have a #1 fan. We all need reminders of the value we have that we can’t see in ourselves.  To my #1 fan…thank you…I love you. I hope you feel my passion as your #1 fan…EVERYDAY!

 

Happily in love and married,
Elgrie J.

No Disrespect

 June 30, 2022

 

So, this is a bitter-sweet blog post. I have enjoyed watching “Naomi” on the CW. For my daughter and I it has been our daddy-daughter time. It is part of our casual date. I buy her lunch, or when she’s feeling fancy, she buys me lunch and we hop on the couch and squeeze 1-2 episodes before everyone else gets home. That’s coming to an end. The CW (or whoever is making decisions on which shows get more episodes) decided to axe the show after one season. I’m definitely in my feelings about this decision. The main character is a Black teenager who is smart, popular, rides a skateboard, and loves comic books. This sounds like my daughter (minus the skateboard part). There are not a lot of shows out there with a teenage Black girl as the main character, not tied to any negative stereotypes. (If anyone knows the people who canceled the show, tell them I would at least like to get a meet and greet between Kaci Walfall and my daughter.)

 

One phrase that is always used on the show by Naomi is "no disrespect." From Naomi's point of view, she wants to do 2 things with using this phrase: First, she wants the person to understand her intention…no disrespect. Second, she wants to get her point across. Often in the storylines of the show, the adults continuously tried to deny what she knew. They weren't giving her the credit she deserved. So, while they may have been attempting to be low-key disrespectful to her, she was not attempting to do the same. Like Naomi, I got a few things to get off my chest. My hope is that they are received with no disrespect. 


In my effort to value my voice, I am embracing some things that need to be said for it to manifest. May I have your attention please! Bottom line: I want others to stop stealing my stuff! I want those who say they value what I share in conversations/in the industry to (please) gimme my credit! Gimme me my pay! I want individuals/organizations to stop holding back my royalties. (OK, royalties might be a strong word to use; that's probably a hyperbole.) A one-time payment for a tool/strategy/lesson that is frequently used by an organization that claims to be about DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) is gonna be a problem for me. Let's #DoBetter …Denying me credit only adds to my barriers of recognition in my industry. It denies me opportunities in the future. And I’m not OK with this in my future.

Please stop pretending my voice gets the same opportunity. History shows the rules keep changing! Making laws to restore justice didn't end unfair and unjust practiced ideologies. The reality is to get to the finish line I'm not only carrying my own weight, but the shackles of the burdens and expectations I didn't ask for. I have to know what everyone knows. I also have to know what is invisible to people who don't look like me…the color-blind system that sees color until it doesn’t. I wanna finish at the top; I wanna celebrate. But we aren’t there yet, so let's add equity to the equation ASAP!

It's time to end the excuses and get it right! Can I get my recognition? Can we acknowledge the barriers I overcome are not universal? I know the answers to both of these questions is yes. Yet, despite the systemic and systematic roadblocks I am gonna find a way into the victor's seat. And just know, when I finally get a chance to sit in it, I am not volunteering to give it up. And those who want me out of the chair, they will be welcomed to try…No disrespect! ✊🏾

 

Be well!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Do Better

 

May 25, 2022

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Dr. Maya Angelou

On May 24, 2006, my life was turned upside down. I was in prepping myself to be celebrated by my family at San José State University's football stadium to receive my master's in Sociology. I was beginning my journey to be a middle school teacher in the school district serving my hometown…I was still fighting legal problems from an incident I had with law enforcement back in November 2005. But none of that mattered by the afternoon. On May 24, 2006, I learned my wife was pregnant; I was gonna be a father!

As a parent, I've embraced the idea of doing better for my kids. I have also learned just because you do your part as a parent, does not mean it is enough for your kids. For the last couple of years some of my children experienced bullying. For one of my children, the bullying never let up. Our attempts to get the school and school district to resolve the on-going bullying issues were unsuccessful. As a parent, I feel like the educational system I trusted to keep my child safe failed to do so. Rather than addressing the problems with the bullies, there was a lot of blaming my child (the survivor). The benefit of the doubt seemed to be given to bullies, even with clear evidence to suggest otherwise. Rather than investigating how to fix the school/district anti-bullying strategies that failed my child, my wife and I experienced finger-pointing to suggest we did not do enough. The message was made clear for us: The expectation for parents and survivors of bullying is to just accept the lack of accountability, the lack of urgency. I want the school and district to do better because my kid deserves a chance to go to school without being bullied.

May 24th has a new memory for me…Bullying by way of murder. Not even near the end of a school year and our children are not safe at school from domestic terrorism. In the state I call home, 19 children and 2 adults were murdered with less than a week left in the school year. This massacre brought the amount school shootings in the United States to 27 (and we aren't even in June😔)! We keep asking school staff and students to accept school shootings as normal. We keep asking school districts to accept the idea that schools should just focus on the symptoms of school shootings, but not provide them with tools to address the source of the problems. How is it we can make efforts to protect other countries, yet so little is done to keep our schools safe? Other countries have figured it out. Maybe if those who make up policies and provide funding to schools had to work in schools, then things might be different. Maybe they would be motivated to do better!

 I worked in schools. I taught middle school and high school at public schools. And even though I don't teach middle school or high school anymore, I'm still a teacher. I may not teach for high schools, but I do get the privilege to teach dual credit classes for the community college district that employs me. (FYI: Dual credit classes are college courses offered to high school students that allow them to get class credit for high school and college simultaneously.) This past semester I taught all my face-to-face classes at a high school. Unfortunately, there were moments when the school was in lockdown. And in those moments, I wondered if I was going to make it home. I wondered if all the students were going to get the chance to return to their homes. Those thoughts are sobering and scary. This shouldn’t be a reality. We MUST do better!

I’m down to help close the gaps of learning between high school and college. I’m down to use culturally responsive teaching strategies to help my students see the connection of what I teach to their reality. But asking me to take arms in the classroom or treat students as potential enemies?! Not me! I can't do that! There’s not even evidence to support this as an effective means of saving lives. Let’s do better! Justifying why assault rifles can be purchased with ease?! Not me! How long must we remain reactive at the loss of lives?! You want me to pretend other countries are struggling with this school shooting issue at the level it occurs in the United States?! Not me! Not me! Not me! Find someone else! Do better!

Condolences don't bring dead people back to life. Condolences alone do not fix problematic policies. The school shooting at Columbine High School happened in 1999 and yet we are not any closer to solutions for schools to be safe. Too many people who have been elected and are more concerned with their egos, than the lives of their constituents. Too many of us are constituents who do not hold those we elected accountable. Too many of us are constituents who are unwilling to hold ourselves accountable on how our inaction has aided deadly action of others in our schools. Schools' staff and students should not be used as trial-and-error band-aid solutions. School staff deserve better! Our students deserve better! Let’s do better!

 

Frustrated and concerned,
Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III
- Professor of Psychology and Sociology