Imprisonment of a Dream

 

May 31, 2025

Some people tell you to do everything you can to achieve your dream, no matter the costs. I can see why people would push that narrative. It’s about showing your commitment…it’s about your will to sacrifice for the prize. But I have a question: What’s the point if you lose the things that made the dream worth achieving, it really a dream worth holding onto?! I get the privilege to wear many titles. I am a husband, a father, an uncle, a brother, a son, a nephew, a cousin, and a devoted friend. I value the relationships that come with these titles. And if I have to lose them for a dream, then that may not be the dream for me.

Don't let your dream trap you!

Some people are so locked in their pursuits their dream, to achieve it the dream turns into a nightmare. It does not take much debating to suggest people who are incarcerated want to be free…what’s surprising is sometimes people who are free allow their dream to isolate them so much they lose their freedom. Don't let your dream become your nightmare. Don't have tunnel vision that blocks you from the improv necessary to keep your dream alive. Don't dismiss the lifelines to your dream that appear in unorthodox ways. To dream big often requires using tools and perspectives you couldn't imagine because you were dreaming too small!

On a 2025 The Pivot podcast episode featuring Anthony Mackie the conversation moved to the topic of individual success. Anthony Mackie talked about people who are successful are often chosen…it’s not just necessarily their skills. Another interview on The Pivot podcast, they interviewed the musician Jelly Roll. The lead host is a former NFL player. He said that he was not the most talented football player and a lot of people who were more talented but succumbed to the temptations of the world. If you do not succumb to the world and the world gets to see your talents, remember you are chosen. That means use your talents, don’t waste them. That also means, don’t be selfish with your talents. You get to unlock more of your dream when you find ways to help others discover and develop theirs.

See your incomplete dream differently!

Some of you all reading this cannot relate to the idea of your dream becoming a reality. All my dreams never came  true. And there’s a good chance some of my dreams will remain an eternal dream status. This does not mean you got it all wrong. Sometimes you choose life over dreams. Sometimes you choose a purpose that outshines your dream idea even on the cloudiest days. You gotta remember that   you don't need to be imprisoned by what your dream did   not become…celebrate aspects of your dream that were not deferred. Build on what has manifested into reality and   reclaim what was deferred on your terms! Relax! Take a deep breath! Don't worry…you got this!!!

Your Dream Fan,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

Don't Hold Back

June 30, 2024

It is a privilege to be a girl dad! Before I had my own daughter, I had been given the honor of being a godfather to 3 daughters. So now, I'm a father of 4 daughters! What a blessing! The blessings don't stop there. Now two are on their way to college. I couldn't be prouder!
As they begin their next part of their journey in higher education, I think of the book that I received when I graduated with my bachelor's degree. The title of the book was Oh the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. For those who may not be familiar with the book, it's the story that offers pearls of wisdom for those entering adulthood. The book stresses perseverance over difficult situations and keeping your head high even when all hope seems lost. For years I would give this book to mentees who finished high school or college. To be clear, I am no Dr. Seuss when it comes to writing! Regardless, I still wanted to offer a personalized message to my goddaughters and anyone else who could benefit from a motivational push. So, I offer those who are reading this blog three tips that may be helpful…

Tip #1: Don't let the trauma of those who came before automatically become yours.
The people who came before you have a story but it doesn't have to be your story. People that came before you have had their own setbacks and their own barriers. For many, their barriers become trauma they have not sought healing from. And those barriers/traumas often serve as detractors for them to reclaim their dreams for them to dream. With inability to dream, they may struggle to be your cheerleader. Their trauma strips them of hope; strips them of the possibility of another way for their story to continue. This does not have to be your story! Don't let someone's nightmare destroy your dreams of what may be. Defend your dreams!!! Resist the idea that the trauma of others must become yours to honor them. Free yourself from that logic! Be your biggest cheerleader because no one can walk your journey but you. Remember, your future is not determined by the trauma of all those who came before you.

Tip #2: Don't let the fear of a loved one imprison you from doing things their fear cannot imagine.
When you are the first to do something, it can seem impossible to others. Whether you're the first person you're going to attend college (and graduate), first to get married, first to have a family…the first to play a sport, the first to study abroad…the first to be an entrepreneur, or maybe the first in your family to be a professional artist. Whatever your first might be, fear will always be one of your enemies. When fear tries to set in, you gotta be courageous to not let fear control the outcome. I know what it's like to do things first in the family. It might seem scary; in the end it’s worth it! Take a chance! Take a leap of faith like I have on numerous occasions and know that your loved one's lack of imagination doesn't have to be the shackles that make you stagnant. Snatch the key from fear and free yourself! Live life to its fullest!

Tip #3: Find your home (away from home)!
As one of my goddaughters and other mentees were trying to determine which university to attend, I asked them, “which university makes you not wanna leave?” I went on to tell them that for me, Cal Poly Pomona University was my home away from home. I stressed the idea that wherever they go, it needs to feel like home. So, whatever you're trying to do, whether it's college, considering relocating to another part of the country, or just trying to live your best life, surround yourself with a foundation of people and opportunities that make you feel like home; that makes you feel safe. A place that allows you to be vulnerable and protected at the same time. This requires finding a space that aligns with your values and your faith. Home may look different for different people. But when you find home, it begins on a journey toward you having freedom on this side of eternity.

As I conclude this blog post, it makes me think of Marianne Williamson’s short poem, “Our Deepest Fear.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

I love the poem written by Marianne Williamson. I love it because a lot of us fear being greater than we can imagine. With that greatness comes the responsibility not to hide it. And that responsibility can seem daunting. People will criticize how well you use/don’t use your greatness…people will reach out for self-serving reasons…and some people will walk away from having a relationship with you because they doubt that they too have greatness within them.   Do not hide your light because the world might get more challenging. Take a lesson from Marianne Williamson: You've only got one life to live, so don't hold back! Greatness awaits!!!

Your digital cheerleader for your greatest success!
-Elgrie J. 

***Blog post update: As of July 2024, now I have a new (newborn) goddaughter to look after. The daughter count is now 5!

Do it for You

March 29, 2024

Going to school and doing well in school wasn't originally for me. I did it for my eldest sister. I learned how to read for her. When she died, I wanted to mimic the light she shined for the world…I wanted to bring joy like she did. But that only takes you so far…I pursued a pre-med option for college to honor my sister. So, I signed up for all the hardest science classes in high school. I even signed up for extra classes. But then, I struggled to stay motivated…I tried prepping to major in engineering for my dad...but that didn't work. I wasn't motivated to continue. External motivation can be a starting point. However, I came to learn that without internal motivation, doing things on behalf of others is not enough.

When it comes to sports, I love basketball and soccer. In high school my love for these sports didn't match my talent nor opportunity. Fortunately, I did have other avenues. I needed a mix of opportunity and passion. This mixture helped me thrive in wrestling and distance running…And it was then I realized the lane I found was not the lane I expected, but it was a lane for me…That was internally motivating. It pushed me to do more than the bare minimum; I was inspired to do more. I did it for me…even if others didn’t get it. Fast forward to my adulting days. As a parent I've seen all four of my biological children figure this out in their own unique way…For this blog I wanna focus on how my daughter is embracing this idea.

This month is Women's Herstory Month…On March 24th I witnessed my daughter’s efforts to define her story come full circle! Most of my kids don't put in a request to play sports. When they don't give me ideas, they get assigned to track & field…A few years ago my daughter decided she was ready to create her own path for sports. She left track; she chose roller derby. I'm excited about her decision. I'm even excited about her challenges. She experienced the challenges of finding a team. Apparently, teenage (junior) roller derby teams are hard to come by, depending on where you live. She had to learn the sport and improve her skating skills. She had to wrestle with the growing pains of being coached, breaking bones (literally), and even becoming a true teammate. Through it all, she has not been deterred for long; she has kept pushing because it was what she wanted. She knew if she didn't lead the effort, it wasn't going to happen. And now, her internal drive has become infectious! Now I'm internally motivated to support her endeavor…it's personal! I have internal AND external value in all she does for roller derby…I'm motivated to be one of her biggest fans. I love she has given me new reasons to be a proud #GirlDad. 

Inspiration from others only gets you so far. If you've got no buy-in for what you do, it is bound not to last. Every action you do should be tied to motivation that matters to you. It doesn't matter how it starts; it matters how you develop it. Sometimes the motivation starts off simply because it needs to get done. Other times it starts off as a need to reach an accomplishment. Remember, extrinsic motivation can turn into intrinsic motivation. Your motivational opportunities are waiting for you! Go get them! Do it for you!!!

 

-Elgrie J.
#GirlDad

What You Don't See

February 28, 2024

 “...But what they don't know is when you go home
And get behind closed doors, man you hit the floor
And what they can't see is you're on your knees
So the next time you get it, just tell 'em
It's the God in me…”  - Mary Mary

 

The top athletes spend countless hours prepping for the greatness we see

People see athletes like Patrick Maholmes, Simone Biles, Sarina Williams, and Steph Curry in their elements. To the casual fan, these athletes make what they do in their sport look easy. But that's far from the truth. Perception isn't always reality. I'm not a professional athlete…but I understand that without the work that you don't see, these unique athletic talents do not blow audiences away. I love the song by the Gospel duo Mary Mary called "God in Me” (2008) because their song fits the story of the athletes I have mentioned. But the application doesn't stop there. Anyone who is successful, it is the behind the scenes work that got them there. Success that we see in others is just the tip of the iceberg. The real work is often hidden.

I recently got a compliment about the work I do as a professor and the work I do when it comes to putting on educational workshops. What many people don't know is that I take my work very seriously. The concept of educating is not just a job to me. I am very intentional about trying to be the best version I can be in the classroom and as a consultant. So that means I am not afraid of putting in work. I am almost always looking at ways in which I can teach that will engage students better…I'm looking for feedback from my students and trying to implement their suggestions before the course ends. I am constantly dissecting the growth areas my students/supervisors/trust colleagues are identifying in how I facilitate my classes…

The prep work before the show is a puzzle I welcome! 

…I strive to be a forward thinker. I research the latest fads and the controversial topics (that are likely to not disappear) to be able to demonstrate to my students how what we're talking about in class is relevant beyond the classroom. I am trying to look at what are the best practices of consultants. I wanna know what helps them be successful. I wanna know what helps other consultants increase their referrals and increase their impact…I am not just simply teaching. I am trying to become a master of my craft when I'm not in the classroom. At home (when I am not resting), I am thinking of ways to make what I do to be the best version of me. My foundation of being the best version of me is attempting to answer how do I shrink the gap of what is polarizing to become small enough to create a safe environment for meaningful conversation and action. To me, no matter what compliments are sent my way, I feel there's a large space between where I am and where I want to be.

What I do isn't easy. It requires a level of commitment. It requires a level of reflection, and it requires a very, very focused intentionality in the things that I do. And I love every single aspect of it! Every single aspect of what I do behind the scenes allows me to do what I do in the classroom and as a consultant. I wouldn't trade it for the world. To me, it's all part of the process. And I'm here for it!!! I ain’t afraid of the hustle…I ain’t afraid of hard work that no one sees because I know the fruit the work yields.

It's important that I offer a warning to what I have written thus far. Just because you make something a priority in your life, does not mean you are gonna get the results you want when you want them. And it's not necessarily because you're not trying hard enough. My hope is that your behind-the-scenes commitment gets the results that you're looking for. And if you don't get the results that you're looking for, my hope is that you know you gave every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears. My hope is your focus and strategies were optimized to the best of your abilities. And if you do all of this, no one can say you didn't give it all. But I'm an eternal optimist…Become your own alchemist for success! Find the right formula for your dedication, timing, and resources. When you finally get those results, all that hard work will make the victory that much sweeter. So, go get it!

Elgrie J.
- A fan of your behind-the-scenes work and your life success

You Against You

 

November 26, 2023

“See that guy staring back at you…That’s your toughest opponent.” – Rocky Balboa (from the film Creed)

Don't let others define your legacy/purpose

All of us want to matter to someone beyond ourselves. For some people, one person is enough…for others, some want to matter to the entire world. We all have different reasons for this desire. I believe it is the foundation of the human experience to have purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 states “…for I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future…”

I think we all have a unique purpose. As a child, I wanted a purpose, and I had no idea how to find it. Because I did not know my purpose, I grew thinking I had to prove myself every step of the way because…

• I was the smallest
• Or the younger sibling of…
• Or the only Black kid
• The first-generation college student
• The kid from poverty
• The charity case of kid who survived more than I am willing to put on into digital words

Thankfully, by the time I got to college, I began to find pieces of my purpose. While I did have it all together by the time I finished college, I kept getting closer. After relocating to Texas and experiencing my 2^nd toxic work environment I finally began to recognize I had more say on my purpose than I thought. The things I was able to control were more impactful on my purpose (not my reality/situation) than I realized. Whether it’s my health, my parenting skills, my husband skills, relationships with others, or my journey in academics…there are many battles. The greatest battle is me against me!!! To win, I gotta move myself out of the way. I need to move my doubt and past failures out of the way. The main character of Creed (2015) had to do the same thing, move outta our own way!

I love the movie Creed (2015). It is a boxing version of my origin story in many ways…Adonis (Johnson) Creed never met his biological father. He was born out of an affair his father had with his mother, while his father was married to someone else. Coming into adulthood, Adonis Creed wanted to prove he wasn’t a mistake. He wasn’t a mistake!!! The only way to prove that was to get out of his own way. He had to move his doubt…he had to move his disbelief out of his own way.

Your Toughest Opponent: You!

At times I have felt like I was a mistake. And that was the lie that tried to hijack my purpose. No matter your story, you are NOT a mistake. Your greatness is not determined by where you came from; it is based on how determined you are to get where you are going. In the film, Creed did not win the boxing title. He lost the fight, but he won. He won because he found himself. Sometimes the gold at the end of the rainbow is the treasure we need, not what we want…it may be what is needed to get started. What parts of you are in your way? Name them! Create a plan to move each of them out of your way. Once they are gone…your journey becomes clearer. So, remember, “it’s you against you!”

 

Be well!
- Elgrie J.

Embrace Your Story

 December 23, 2022

Don't be discouraged by detours in your story

Don't compare your story…don't belittle the impact of your story…an informal mentor once asked me to ask people I knew how I had affected their lives. A few people never responded…but there were a lot who did. O.M.G! The responses were not what I expected. I didn't know my story was worthy of celebration.

For me, how I felt about my cancer story was about how I felt my entire life story thus far. I did not think that my cancer story was worthy of celebration. To me, it wasn't a real cancer story because my cancer treatment was not intense or as long as others. But that's not how cancer works. If you have/had cancer, you have a cancer story. The same is true about the success you experience in life. Just because you don't win an Oscar, the World Cup, a Grammy, MVP, the Nobel Peace Prize, or the Pulitzer Prize doesn't mean the value of your success is limited to you.

Your story might be full of detours. That does not stop your story from being worthy of telling…worthy of embracing. Social media is a thorn in our self-worth…we see people portray their best selves, but not their struggles…not their flaws or moments of no self-esteem…Social media promotes instant responses…We often process that as instant results, or that our results should be identical to others…but you ain't them…you don't live their story and you don't need to. Acknowledge the fact that your story will have the ability to connect to others, even if you are not sure how it will happen.

Make time to record your story!

Don't walk into 2023 trying to create a story that you think people are expecting of you! You need to treat yourself better! The world needs you…and all that you perceive as baggage! Use it! Use it all to remind yourself of where you came from. Use it to remind yourself your story is not done yet. And when you all do all these things to embrace your story, you will be surprised by how many others you have inspired along the way. So, keep trucking and keep a written record of your journey because your story is worth more than you think!

 Be well!
-Elgrie J. Hurd III

Cause It Needed to Be Done

 
Dedicated to the Inspirational life of Mr. Bill Russell…Thank you!

 

August 31, 2022

On July 31, 2022 around 2:21pm CST, my Sunshine sent me this text message: “Sit down before you open this… Barack Obama’s Instagram page.” I did not need to know what it was about to know it was not good. I was right. Barack Obama’s Instagram was giving a shout out about Bill Russell, stating, “Today, we lost a giant…As tall as Bill Russell stood, his legacy rises far higher - both as a player and as a person.” That is a good segue to describe what Bill Russell meant to me. Some athletes inspire you as an athlete. Bill Russell inspired me as an athlete and as an individual.

Mr. Bill Russell changed basketball is so many ways

When I was a boy, my dad gave me a Starting Lineup figurine of Bill Russell. At the time of receiving it, I had no idea who he was. There was no Internet accessible like it is now. I had to go to local libraries to figure out who he was. I reviewed almanacs, encyclopedias, and many NBA history books. When it was all done, I learned that Bill Russell was the embodiment of success on and off the court, but for many generations that have come after him, it’s almost like there is sports achievement amnesia surrounding Mr. Russell. Some have forgotten he is part of a rare list in basketball. In one year, he won a national college championship, an Olympic gold medal, and NBA championship. He was the first Black head coach in the NBA, only player-coach to win multiple NBA titles, and he won 11 NBA championships in 13 years. Impressive is an understatement! And throughout his professional sports career he was not always the best player on his team. To me, he was the ultimate teammate on the court. He was often the best teammate on the court because he was willing to do what needed to be done to help his teams win. This holistic package is why Bill Russell is still my favorite basketball player of all-time.

Decades later, I still love playing basketball. What was true when I was a child is still true now. I was never the best player on the court. I wasn't the best shooter, or ball handler, or defender. I knew if I wanted a chance to be part of teams, I had to get out of my feelings, and figure out how I was gonna contribute…I did what needed to be done. I have held onto this mentality as a value that is a foundational aspect of what makes me - me.

In my personal and professional worlds, I do a lot of things that if I chose to promote them might bring notoriety in a monetary way. I edit textbooks, consult for municipalities, volunteer with numerous non-profits, and mentor others. Rarely, will you hear me sharing those things in casual conversation. It is not because they are not important. It is because the recognition is not at the center of why I do it. I picked up this approach from Mr. Bill Russell. He was the ultimate teammate in the community, too. Even in the twilight days of his life, you will hear stories of Mr. Russell doing things in the community (inside and outside the NBA). Mr. Russell did not do things for recognition. For him, he often helped simply because it needed to be done.

Russell welcomed recognition but it wasn't the motivation

Most recently I was nominated by one of my peers to be considered for our college’s faculty of the year award. At first, I was not sure why I was nominated. To me, I do not do anything out of the ordinary. I seek to teach in a way that is engaging and provide ways for the course material to be applied outside the classroom. But, to some of my colleagues, I do more than that. While I recognize some see this as a big deal, I do it because it needs to be done. Whether I ever get publicly acknowledged again for my efforts, I am going to keep doing what I do, because that’s what needs to be done. And apparently, having a “cause it needed to be done philosophy” is contagious. I have had the privilege of seeing my children help others in various ways because it needed to be done. You never know who is watching you. You never know how your values might become values someone else embraces. Act wisely!

I hope more of us do things simply because they need to get done. There are cynical people who believe individuals doing good things because it is the right thing to do (and do it without recognition) is rare. I strongly disagree. There are plenty of people behind the scenes doing great things to make the world better with small and large humanitarian acts. Our challenges are to stop waiting to see behaviors in someone else and to stop waiting for someone to broadcast an individual’s acts of service. We should start looking at ourselves and figure out what is holding us from filling a need when no one is watching or cheering us on. You see a need, be a solution to the need. Why? Because it needs to be done!

Be well!
Elgrie J. Hurd III
-2022-2023 Dallas College’s Minnie Stevens Piper Excellence in Teaching Award Nominee

Number One Fan

 

July 31, 2022

For more than two decades my maternal grandmother was my #1 fan. She believed I could do anything or be anything. And she made sure everyone who came in her path knew it too. My first seasonal job while in college was at an affluent shopping mall. When my grandma learned about my interview, she volunteered herself to attend (and I awkwardly and under duress agreed). She got my hourly wages to be higher than what I was willing to accept. She saw my worth even when I didn't. She knew the relationship pitfalls I ended up in before I did. Things changed when she met my Sunshine. The moment she met her she knew what I knew: My Sunshine is the one; my Sunshine is my favorite-favorite. 

For nearly 20 years, my favorite-favorite has been my Sunshine 🌞.  To those unfamiliar with me or this blog, that is the nickname for Althea, my wife. But she's more than any of these titles. For 18+ years my Sunshine has been my #1 fan. It's like the moment she met my grandmother there was a passing of a baton. Like my grandmother, she often sees the Greatness in me that I don't see. She believed in my ability to teach at colleges and complete academic work at the graduate level. I was Dr. Hurd to her when I only saw myself as Elgrie.

And while I am honored to have Sunshine as my #1 fan, I love the privilege to be her biggest fan. I learned early on that as much as she denies it, she's a life-long learner. I love her commitment to continually learn how to love me. She found new interests and figured out what tools she needed to learn and apply what she knew. Whether it is teaching, tutoring, being a doula, birth educator, midwife assistant, or carpenter, she is always learning. I’m here for it! I’m a fan!

I am a fan of the way she loves others…and that starts with our children. She inspired me in how her love translates into her commitment to love each of our children based on their unique ways. She has taught me that all my children can be my favorites. I am a fan of her heart for those in need. While her target audience may be Black people, she is willing to answer the call of someone in need no matter their background. Most surprisingly, I am a fan because you are the model of living in the moment. It's a difficult thing to operate in a world that encourages you to be so focused on what's next you are likely to not focus on the now…18 years into this marriage I don't wanna miss out on the present because I'm dreading the past or hyper focused on the future. Why rush through the present to get to the future. "The future is coming…sooner than you think." Until then, I want to live out every sunrise and sunset with God's gift to me…my Sunshine.


 Everyone deserves to have a #1 fan. We all need reminders of the value we have that we can’t see in ourselves.  To my #1 fan…thank you…I love you. I hope you feel my passion as your #1 fan…EVERYDAY!

 

Happily in love and married,
Elgrie J.

Whatever It Takes

 

March 29, 2022

Marvel Studios set the entertainment world on fire with Avengers: Infinity War (2018). But that was only the beginning of a two-part ending. In Avengers: End Game (2019) the remaining Avengers committed to righting the wrong of an infamous villain. Before they begin this dangerous, borderline suicide mission, Captain America tells them all what is at stake. Captain America says, “This is the fight of our lives. And we’re gonna win! Whatever it takes!” I have seen End Game (2019) at least 50 times, and that scene never gets old. It still makes me want to attempt to join the Avengers to defeat Thanos and save the universe!

It is an honor to serve my kids.

I may not be able to save the universe, but I can get the opportunity to do one of the next best things: be an engaged father to my children. I love this privilege that has been given to me. I have 4 kids. So, sometimes the charge of being a daddy might appear to be taxing to outsiders looking in. During the school year, 5 days a week we gotta be out the door before the sun is up. Between work and other required adulting activities, we have to support the travel to school, band practice, art class, swim, Tae Kwon Do practice, sewing class, track, cross-country, community service, and Bible study. For the Hurd 3rd Crew, the show never stops. And I’m grateful I get to serve my kids, daily. Some people ask, “How do you have the energy to push on?” “Don’t you ever wanna quit?” My answers are simple, but not simple. At times, I do wanna quit! I wanna quit more often than I want to admit. But I have the energy to push on for two reasons: First, my source is eternal. So, when I am weak, I lean on Him who is in me. Second, because it’s not about me! It’s about them. To be parent is something everyone is not gifted to be. This reality makes me unafraid to do whatever it takes (that’s ethical) to help my kids get their wins.

As a parent, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. In Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) the great Sidney Poitier is playing as Dr. John Prentice. In this role he had a very heated conversation with his on-screen father. It was suggested by the on-screen father that Dr. Prentice owed his father. Dr. Prentice responded by stating "If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you were supposed to do. Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me…" My kids owe me nothing! I owe them everything, but my soul. I owe them to do my part to equip them so they can utilize their agency to confidently make their own decisions. To do this, I strive to model critical thinking and create an environment where they understand they have the power to do what they believe they can do.

Amid helping my kids get their wins, I am still working for my own. I have heard some people tell me that you cannot be a great parent and go for your dreams. I don’t accept this either-or reality. If these individuals are of the Christian faith, they may also suggest you cannot know Jesus and have fun. I reject this as well! (I have found lots of fun in Jesus!) I can seek to be a great parent and push for my dreams. Over the last 4 years I have been doing just that. In 2018, I quit my job and took on the unthinkable…I became a full-time adjunct instructor at various colleges/universities to increase my odds to become a full-time faculty member at a community college. On this journey, my kids have not gotten less of me. In fact, they have had more time with me than ever before. In less than a year, my dream became a reality. For me, my dreams included my kids. And as I continue to build on my dreams, my kids will continue to be included.

When she wins, I win!

The idea of blogging started because of my daughter. It started because I met a phenomenal young woman who created a platform for girls and women around the world to find support and empowerment. That phenomenal woman made the time to listen to my questions about how to best support my daughter who has dreams that are tall enough to reach the sky. That phenomenal woman, Tiffany Pham, thought my voice was worthy enough to be an influencer on her platform. I will never forget that. My daughter wants to turn the fashion world upside down. I am here for it! I know eventually she will do it. While we wait for that day, I am willing to drive her/fly/finance her to get it done. I’ll do all of that and more cheering all along the way. Whatever it takes on my end to help her get there, please believe I’m all in until she gets the victory!

A Proud and Privileged Dad,
- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Ain't Got the Time

December 27, 2021

Don't let the desire for perfection blind you from the possible

As I approach the start of a new decade in this life of mine, I'm getting better at being grateful for the timing of things. Issa Rae was right on time with her series finale episode of Insecure. The episode hit close to home. The idea of living in some aspect of a dream-future often seems out of reach. And too often we make the mistake of thinking it was not meant to be because the dream is not exactly how we pictured it. But that’s life! It’s not always going to be perfect. That doesn’t mean it can’t be ideal…it does not mean your dream cannot become your reality.

One way to miss out on your dreams becoming a reality is allowing certain conversations/relationships to be part of your life. At this point, I'm OK muting unnecessary conversations/relationships. My soul, my hopes, and my health need to be maintained to be able to reach my dreams. And some conversations/relationships are detrimental to those things. Being loyal or feeling guilty are not acceptable reasons to stay engaged with a conversation/relationship. Too many people wanna be heard…too few wanna be accountable or verify if their input is actually helpful. I ain't got time for that, anymore.

I'm OK ending some conversations before they even start. Conversations upholding ideologies like racism, sexism, xenophobia, and homophobia are things I do not need to engage in. Hate being masked as a correction with intentions rooted in love is a hard pass for me! I ain't got time for the clickbait! There is no need for me to engage in a dialogue that is not rooted in love, empathy, and/or a desire to understand the cultural context of others. What we say (and how we say it) matters. I seek to leave the world better than I found it. Conversations that ignore this idea are not a priority for me!

It's time to evaluate your time

I'm OK accepting my priorities will not appease everyone. My order of priorities are as follows: my God, my wife, my kids, my dreams, and everything else. At this point I'm not looking for consultations on how to rearrange them. I am not looking for people's approval or understanding of my dreams or my strategies. It's nothing personal. I value feedback. I also value the ability to accept it or reject it. Everyone does not fit my criteria to offer me meaningful feedback (and I'm learning to be OK with that). 

I ain’t got the time for the unnecessary. If I am being honest, that was always the case. I am finally wise enough to accept this truth.  What about you?!

Be well!
-Elgrie J.

Run it Back!

 June 30, 2021

I’ll never forget December 6, 2019. That was the date on the letter from the university where I was working on my dissertation (virtually). That was when I learned my dissertation chair had given up on me. My university had given up on me. The letter informed me that I was no longer allowed to continue with my doctoral studies. For nearly 6 months I fought the decision. I made phone calls, I sent emails, I submitted appeals. No matter the efforts, the results were the same: my doctoral journey was over. And that fact weighed heavy on me.

Academic failure was not something I had experienced before...not like this. I had to weigh the
consequences of how I wanted to proceed. I already knew that in some Ph.D. programs, over 66% of the students do not finish. As a matter of fact, less than 2% of the 332 million people in the USA have a Ph.D. But what I did not realize was how much I didn't know. I did not know it mattered that your dissertation chair needed to be your biggest fan at the university, or how much power a dissertation chair had on making or breaking your success. I underestimated the red flags encouraging me to find a new program long before my demise came. I let my pride lead my decision to keep pushing even when I felt I was alone in my fight to finish my dissertation. I always tell my kids Hurds don’t quit! And while it can be a great mantra, it can also be a blinder to facilitate an unnecessary loss. For me, it became the latter.

I’m grateful for the persistence I developed
playing hoops with my big brother.

I don't like losing. That desire not to lose started at an early age. In basketball I would lose to my big brother...again, again, and again. I would keep telling him to run it back. I wanted a redo until I won. I didn't always win. But when I did, it was enough to handle the losses...But when people tried to suggest to me to run it back as it related to trying again to get a Ph.D., it was a no-go. I was done! I didn't want to be a number…I didn’t want to be a cash cow for another university. I didn't want to do all the work again with no assurance I was going to have different results. It all boiled down to the fact that I was not sure if I was good enough. I gave my all. I gave up so much and had nothing to show. (To be fair, I walked away with my second master’s. I know for some that’s a victory. But to be nearly two chapters into a dissertation, it was hard to see and accept that victory).

A year after #ProjectDissertation came to an end, thoughts of wanting to finish what I started resurfaced. It also left me in a quandary: With a Ph.D. or without a Ph.D. I can teach at community colleges (my career original goal), so why try again? I got slammed with a lot of different perspectives to that inquiry. A mentor encouraged me not to be overcome by imposter syndrome. My past failures do not determine my potential future success. A friend said, “It's not about you!” He reminded me of some of my reasons that got me started to attempt a Ph.D. program in the first place...I wanted to increase access, so more voices could be heard. I wanted to help coach the leadership of organizations up or help those in leadership roles transition out. My wife was the nail in the coffin. She helped me acknowledge that maybe this was all part of God’s Purpose for my life. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe I had to lose to get it right. In the end they were ALL right.

 My first day in my journey as part of Cohort XVII

Eventually I stopped moping around and started moving on. After a lot of research, I chose Dallas Baptist University (DBU). I chose DBU because it is different (and better) than my previous university. I found a better support system within the university. A university whose priority is a belief I can actually finish what I started. DBU offered me administrators, a department chair, full-time faculty, a cohort of peers, and alumni who are fully committed. Last, but not least, DBU is a place where I do not need to explain the urgency of my research focusing on Jesus and leadership of Protestant churches. I did not know how much all those things mattered for my success, but they do!

I don't know how this story ends, but I'm gonna run this back! Win or lose...I'm ready to give God (The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit) the glory for the opportunity. I'm all but done! I hope those reading this will find ways to support my efforts. For those who join me, together we WILL run it back!

 

Elgrie J. Hurd, III
- Doctoral Student, Leadership Studies Program,
Gary Cook School of Leadership, Dallas Baptist University

Confessions of Being a Dad

 

January 26, 2021

Dedicated to my first-born who started it all, and my sons who have come after...

 

I absolutely love being a dad. It is one of the things I constantly thank God for on a daily basis. I love my kids. I even like my kids. I know those are no small feats. And in this pandemic, I am learning that my dynamic is not universal.

While I love being a dad, becoming one was one of the most frightening things to consider. A constant battle in my mind was... what if I get wrong? Unfortunately, that is still a daily struggle. Thankfully, doubt seems to be losing each round lately. For me, I seek to be a daddy that is different from the negative stereotypes. Not because it is uncommon, but because it is the right thing to do. I often write these blogs with a focus on my daughters. This time I decided to focus on my sons.

There is so much on the line to get it right as a dad of a son. I want my sons to be free of seeing toxic masculinity modeled by the men in their life (including by me). I want them to know when they see me cry, that is OK, and it does not make them less of a cisgender male. I want them to know it is not a form of weakness to be vulnerable and transparent. I try to be intentional in allowing my sons to see me in these moments and offering commentary because it matters.

It is important for my sons to know that I do make mistakes. I seek to model for them that not only do mistakes happen, but we should find ways to be accountable and learn from them. At the same time, I want my sons to know that effort and discipline are not enough to get the results we desire. I want them to know that we live in a very broken world, full of broken people and unjust policies that often reinforce the brokenness. It is not right; it is not fair; it is reality. Hence, part of the journey for success is navigating with the right awareness and the right support systems. Another part of the journey is finding ways to address the brokenness in a way that benefits others who are denied opportunities.

And with all that I want for them, I know I can be a barrier to things I want for them. In my efforts to protect them from pain I experienced, I forget the positive life-altering things that came with the pain of my past. In an effort to encourage safety, I unintentionally suffocate their dreams and imagination. My hope is that my shortcomings do not cause my sons to become their own dream killers. My mistakes do not have to be their mistakes. In fact, I hope they would do like I did…hold onto the things my dad did/does well and improve on the things he did not.

 

All of the things I have shared in this blog post are important for me to share with my sons. But none of it compares to the importance of their souls. I want my sons to have the opportunity to find peace and glory on the other side of eternity. I want them to know who their Heavenly Father is...what He has done and continues to do for our family. I want them to know (as much that is humanly possible) the depth of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for them. I do not want their understanding to be limited to what they read; I want them to see it in me. I want them to see it in my prayers with them and my actions around them. I want their measuring stick of success to not be defined by me, but by the blueprint Jesus laid out for us. As a dad who seeks to serve Christ, following Jesus is the greatest legacy to my sons. If this legacy is embraced at some level by sons, my parenting to them is not a failure. Only time will tell. Until time reveals the final product, I will continue to pray and love on them relentlessly.

 

Let love rule!
- Elgrie J./Daddy (to my kids)

Find a Dream Partner

Dedicated to my Dream Partner

August 3, 2020

My Dream Partner, my Sunshine

What does it mean to have a dream partner? It is a person who shares the dream/dreams you have and works with you to make them a reality. Dream partners can be business partners, or family members. For me, it is my wife, my Sunshine. If you know our story, you know that we have been dream partners ever since we met. I met my dream partner at California State Polytechnic University, Pomona. We dreamed there...we built there...I proposed to her there. The best decision I ever made in college was marrying my Sunshine. Yet, it almost did not happen.

My proposal to get married was almost the proposal that never happened. Even though I had the support from members of her family and my family, I was scared to dream with her beyond college life. I was a first-generation college student, I had no wealth, and my car was barely holding on. All I had was “a couple of college credits and my top-notch brain.” I had a dream to change the world. In my mind I thought who would give up a world of comfort for that? Would my Sunshine want to build that dream into a reality with me? This concern hindered my efforts to blow her away with a romantic proposal...I feared she would say no. In my most vulnerable state, she said yes. She said she would marry me and began to dream.

Our marriage has been full of dreams and nightmares. I am thankful the dreams outweigh the nightmares by a long shot. This year, my Sunshine and I dreamed of having our own forever home. In January 2020, we began looking at homes. We were not ready to have our own home, but we wanted to get ideas. We came upon this home not far from us. The moment we walked in, my Sunshine was in love with the house. She saw things I could not see. She was dreaming of possibilities, and I was stuck in reality. Unfortunately, when we began to seriously look at homes, only one of us was dreaming. I was thinking in the now, my Sunshine was dreaming about the future. And then in May 2020, we saw a house. It was nice. It had potential, but there was a problem. My Sunshine pointed out that this home was good for the family right now, but what about the future? We could not grow in this house. At that moment, I realized that I had stopped being her dream partner. My Sunshine was dreaming alone. I was seeing convenience while she was seeing more. My shortcoming rocked me, and I told her, "I want to dream with you." From the moment forward, we dreamed of not settling...we dreamed of a home that would allow our family to grow and bless others.

My dream partner put my commitment to the test. The house we saw in January that she loved, was the first house we saw once we found a realtor to help us. In June, it was still the only house that was aligned with our forever home dream wish list. We drove by it (together and separately). When we drove by it, we prayed about it. If this was not going to be our home, we wanted something just like it. And then one day, we walked by it. We saw a potential neighbor. We introduced ourselves and asked him to pray that we get this house and become his neighbors. Then, we shared our vision with some of our closest loved ones. They encouraged us to go for it. We wrote the seller a letter. In the letter we said…

Our desire is to grow our family. We know to do this, the space needs to be bigger than where we currently reside; welcoming for growth...Over the last few years we have become part of the city. Our children attend the local public schools and we are actively serving the community because we want to contribute to its legacy.

Since we moved to Texas, it has been our dream to have a forever home. We have worked tirelessly to get to this point. Making this home our home will have made the journey worth it. If you accept our offer, you are helping two educators achieve their dreams, so we can focus on helping others achieve theirs. Our desire is to close on July 31^st. This is our wedding anniversary. We feel that closing on this date would be an indelible reminder of the blessings the Year 2020 has brought to our family.

Sold to the Hurd 3rd Crew

The seller did not accept our initial offer; we accepted the counter. We did not close on the house on our wedding anniversary, but pretty close to it. From a sentimental perspective, it was not what we wanted. We also recognized the closing date was not deal breaker either. We had several hiccups along the way. Yet, because we were dreaming together, setbacks were just setups for success to get this home. When one of us was losing confidence on the journey, the other partner reminded us that our journey was bigger than us; our potential impact was bigger than us. Our faith in our dreams were bigger than our doubts. We focused on what was to come, rather than what was.

16 years later, I love how we are still finding new ways to dream. My Sunshine continuously shows me that if we dare to dream, there is no limit to what we can do. Even in the midst of economic uncertainty and a global pandemic, we dreamed beyond what we could see. For years, my wife and I were members of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, led by Dr. Tony Evans. One of the sermons that stuck with me was his sermon of faith. He defined faith as “acting like it is so, even when it’s not so, in order than it might be so, simply because God said so.” For us, faith requires us to do our part, and letting God do the rest. The challenge is being patient for God’s timing. Thankfully, our faith in God is mutual. We believe we are each other’s dream partner. And that cohesive faith goes a long way. My challenge to others is to find a dream partner. Find someone who dreams with you based on faith, not by sight. For dreams to be what they need to be you have to have faith. Faith that believes impossible is nothing. Dream together! A dream partner must be faithful. You must be faithful with your dream partner. So, dream on!

- Elgrie J., The Dream Partner of Althea C. (my Sunshine)

More Than a Woman...She’s My Sunshine

July 31, 2019

To be clear, I am a hopeless romantic. I went to college with the aspirations of changing the world and meeting the one I would spend the rest of my life with. I met Althea in November 2002. I knew then what I know now…she IS the one for me.  For all of those who are not into the idea that you can have a soul mate; someone made just for you, then this blog post is not for you.

When I started my journey in college, I portrayed something I really did not have; I portrayed confidence. In reality, I did not have confidence I wanted. So, I had to fake till I made it. I did NOT have a lot of value in myself. I did not have value in my physical appearance; I did not have value in identity. It was not self-hate; it was more of a belief that my Blackness (my ethnic/racial identity) was not valued by other Black people. I just wanted to be me. I wanted my version of Blackness that was authored solely by me and valued by others. But, for my first 2 years of college, I did not have the legitimacy I hungered for.

My perceived legitimacy came from my involvement on-campus. In other words, I had value in what I did (the works). I believed my works (to better humanity) earned my value with others. Althea taught me I was wrong. Just being me was enough to be valued. Althea got me. She appreciated my traits (flaws and all). She may not have understood my passion for guys like 2pac or Malcolm X, but she could empathize. She showed me that showing the world who I was and who I knew I was meant to be was just as important as the things I did. She believed in me when I was too stupid to believe in myself.

Althea pushes to embrace the unfamiliar. Sometimes that means trying things I have never tried before, or not letting my family’s past dictate my present or my future. She has told me to be naked in my story.  Be naked in my faith in Jesus…be naked in where I come from does not tell the world where I am going…be naked about my talents and my passion for the betterment of humanity. That nakedness had led me owning my leadership in my own home, embracing my call to teach and empower, and to eventually become Dr. Hurd (officially).

15 years into this journey called marriage, I can say I am more in-love with my Sunshine now than I was 15 years ago. I ache at her absence from my presence more than ever before. I have evolved as her husband, father to our children, and her best friend. At each stage of my evolution, my Althea, my Sunshine was there. She never stopped believing in…never stopped offering feedback…never stopped pushing me. To me that’s being more than a woman. No words I type or orally say will ever equate my appreciation and admiration of my Sunshine. When I call her Sunshine, it is not just a nickname. It is my attempt to put into words the light she has brought into my dark world. Calling her Sunshine is proof that I am deserving of unconditional love from someone who does NOT that have the same earthly bloodline as me.

Althea, my Sunshine, I only have one request… “Always remember us this way!”

Jet Black Shelby Mustangs!

-  Elgrie J.