Do Better

 

May 25, 2022

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Dr. Maya Angelou

On May 24, 2006, my life was turned upside down. I was in prepping myself to be celebrated by my family at San José State University's football stadium to receive my master's in Sociology. I was beginning my journey to be a middle school teacher in the school district serving my hometown…I was still fighting legal problems from an incident I had with law enforcement back in November 2005. But none of that mattered by the afternoon. On May 24, 2006, I learned my wife was pregnant; I was gonna be a father!

As a parent, I've embraced the idea of doing better for my kids. I have also learned just because you do your part as a parent, does not mean it is enough for your kids. For the last couple of years some of my children experienced bullying. For one of my children, the bullying never let up. Our attempts to get the school and school district to resolve the on-going bullying issues were unsuccessful. As a parent, I feel like the educational system I trusted to keep my child safe failed to do so. Rather than addressing the problems with the bullies, there was a lot of blaming my child (the survivor). The benefit of the doubt seemed to be given to bullies, even with clear evidence to suggest otherwise. Rather than investigating how to fix the school/district anti-bullying strategies that failed my child, my wife and I experienced finger-pointing to suggest we did not do enough. The message was made clear for us: The expectation for parents and survivors of bullying is to just accept the lack of accountability, the lack of urgency. I want the school and district to do better because my kid deserves a chance to go to school without being bullied.

May 24th has a new memory for me…Bullying by way of murder. Not even near the end of a school year and our children are not safe at school from domestic terrorism. In the state I call home, 19 children and 2 adults were murdered with less than a week left in the school year. This massacre brought the amount school shootings in the United States to 27 (and we aren't even in June😔)! We keep asking school staff and students to accept school shootings as normal. We keep asking school districts to accept the idea that schools should just focus on the symptoms of school shootings, but not provide them with tools to address the source of the problems. How is it we can make efforts to protect other countries, yet so little is done to keep our schools safe? Other countries have figured it out. Maybe if those who make up policies and provide funding to schools had to work in schools, then things might be different. Maybe they would be motivated to do better!

 I worked in schools. I taught middle school and high school at public schools. And even though I don't teach middle school or high school anymore, I'm still a teacher. I may not teach for high schools, but I do get the privilege to teach dual credit classes for the community college district that employs me. (FYI: Dual credit classes are college courses offered to high school students that allow them to get class credit for high school and college simultaneously.) This past semester I taught all my face-to-face classes at a high school. Unfortunately, there were moments when the school was in lockdown. And in those moments, I wondered if I was going to make it home. I wondered if all the students were going to get the chance to return to their homes. Those thoughts are sobering and scary. This shouldn’t be a reality. We MUST do better!

I’m down to help close the gaps of learning between high school and college. I’m down to use culturally responsive teaching strategies to help my students see the connection of what I teach to their reality. But asking me to take arms in the classroom or treat students as potential enemies?! Not me! I can't do that! There’s not even evidence to support this as an effective means of saving lives. Let’s do better! Justifying why assault rifles can be purchased with ease?! Not me! How long must we remain reactive at the loss of lives?! You want me to pretend other countries are struggling with this school shooting issue at the level it occurs in the United States?! Not me! Not me! Not me! Find someone else! Do better!

Condolences don't bring dead people back to life. Condolences alone do not fix problematic policies. The school shooting at Columbine High School happened in 1999 and yet we are not any closer to solutions for schools to be safe. Too many people who have been elected and are more concerned with their egos, than the lives of their constituents. Too many of us are constituents who do not hold those we elected accountable. Too many of us are constituents who are unwilling to hold ourselves accountable on how our inaction has aided deadly action of others in our schools. Schools' staff and students should not be used as trial-and-error band-aid solutions. School staff deserve better! Our students deserve better! Let’s do better!

 

Frustrated and concerned,
Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III
- Professor of Psychology and Sociology

The Worst They Can Say…

 

January 29, 2022

“You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.” - Wayne Gretzky

So many people often push for new year's resolutions. Unless we get the perfect conditions for our resolutions, our resolutions simply remain as wishful thoughts. We do not have to throw in the towel. We have options! My friend/adopted sister, Karla, gave me insight to this years ago. Unfortunately, it took me some time to realize what worked for her could work for me.

Karla went to college and majored in social work. And when she started her professional work, much of her roles were in the education and non-profit sectors. Most of her positions she loved. Most of her positions she was a rock star. Often, the organizations she worked for did not pay her what she was worth. At times, this created a gap between the things she needed/wanted to thrive personally and professionally. But that did not discourage her. Karla understood the power of not being afraid to ask others. Her rationale about asking people was the worst they can say is no. Transportation, entertainment, and even supplies for work were gifted to her because she focused on the best outcome rather than the worse.

Don't assume the answer is NO!

Too often we focus on the negative; we focus on the worst-case scenario when determining if we should consider taking any action. When we do this, we cripple ourselves from opportunities before we even get started. College applicants do this. They do not even apply to a college/university because they figure they have not shot to get in. Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” The worst thing they can say is no. They could also say yes if you take your shot! Embrace positive psychology!

Positive psychology focuses on the aspects of the human experience that help us thrive and accomplish things. Karla may not have explicitly called her efforts positive psychology; her intentions were all the same. In 2018 I wanted to thrive as an educator. I wanted to use more of my talents to create a greater impact. And I knew worrying about the noes I might get did not matter compared to the impact of getting a yes as the response to my inquiries. I reached out to colleges throughout the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex to inquire about opportunities to teach. I asked where I was teaching adjunct and asked to teach more classes. They said yes. I then reached out to a place I had considered attending nearly a decade earlier. They remembered my encounter with them. We met and I discussed my teaching philosophy and my teaching experiences. They said yes, too. One yes paved the way for more people to say yes. On my way to becoming a full-time adjunct faculty there were some nos. I did not think too much for it, because I knew it fostered another opportunity for someone to say yes. Fall 2019 I became a full-time professor of psychology and sociology at a community college because I knew there were more responses that ended in a yes than in a no. I just needed to identify the right opportunities. 

Don't be afraid of the worst. Be prepared the best of  2022...2022 doesn't have to be perfect for success. Say yes to new possibilities! What’s the worst that can happen?!

Be positive!

 Be well!
- Elgrie J.

 

 

Just Pause

 

November 26, 2021

"Drive slow homie!" - The artist formerly known as Kanye West

 

The pandemic has put a lot of our lives on pause. It has sent many of us in two directions. One direction is to re-evaluate our lives and make meaningful changes. The other direction some of us have tried to cling to is to operate like nothing has changed. I am guilty of this, and it has proven to not work. It hasn't worked because things aren't the same. I'm in grad school (again 🙄), teaching face-to-face and online in a pandemic, husband duties, daddy duties, and community obligations. To adjust I took a quasi-break from social media. I didn't post online. I didn't read a whole lot on social media. And to my surprise I didn't miss much. It was a good pause from things.

 

It's OK to pause from things in your
life to get right

That good pause wasn't enough! My pause needed to be more than on social media...I gotta be OK saying no...I gotta be OK focusing on me...focusing on what matters. When I applied to DBU's Ph.D. in Leadership Studies I wrote how I was willing to remove myself from fellowships and not take on a bunch of new obligations. I gotta confess, it is easier said than done. Most of my life I've wrapped my mind around being an overachiever. But, the COVID pandemic became part of my reality, and my mentality of achieving A's in all aspects of my life was now a problem. When your obligations exceed your bandwidth to maintain your overachiever mentality what do you do? You change for success or fail in stagnation. I realized I had to reflect on the lessons of my ancestors and elders for my next steps.

 

I am a descendant of people who did so much with so little. For my ancestors and elders the odds have never been in their favor in the United States. To be Black in the United States is a great paradox. The institutions are made to exclude those who are bequeathed Black bodies. Yet, the will of those in Black bodies combined with some Divine intervention made the impossible possible. So, I gotta do my part. This includes setting better boundaries and adhering to them. It also means when I've done my part to move out the way and let God do the rest. I gotta make room in my circumstances to let God do His Thing. I'm learning to attempt to control less, so He can control more.

 

I'm embracing pressing pause on the things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's a work in progress I cannot neglect. The negative consequences are too severe. Now I understand when you pause from the distractions, you un-pause living! I plan to live in a more meaningful way. That's my plan. What about you?!

Be well!

-       Elgrie J

The Simple Things

July 31, 2021

A public love letter to My Sunshine...

Our story is full of simple things. A simple comment about Black beauty. A simple touch. A simple slice of pizza. I had no idea that a simple exchange in words would help me discover the best friend I've ever had (outside of Jesus).

Maybe my first gift for my Sunshine should have been a foreshadow clue on how some things would play out in our marriage. I created a candygram. That was a big deal for me. It was the first time I had made one! The candygram was full of messages telling you how you were a sweet tart and how I was a zero without you. It was a micro of my expression of love and appreciation...I didn't do grandiose...I did do intentional things from the heart.

17 years into this marriage, I'm still just a simple guy. Just give me my Jesus, my Sunshine, my kids, and some quality root beer and I'm good to go. Yet, somehow you found ways to expand my simplicity. Whether it is you tightening my locs, sharing meals, home schooling our Hurd 3rd Crew, or the peace your random, unexpected hugs bring me. Thank you for the simple discoveries.

Love "Sunday Morning"

In the 17 years of us being married, you took what we started when we courted into one of the greatest gifts of all-time. You showed me to be simply me, no matter who is around. That was/is hard. To be vulnerable to you and the world was/is scary. Prior to meeting you my vulnerability was exploited. You made it my superpower! It helped me at work to connect with people like no one else could...It helped me be a better parent. Showing my kids that their superhero sometimes falls short (and his human) was one of the greatest gifts you have given me (that keeps on giving).

So, is there more for us to do and learn? ABSOLUTELY!!! 17 years in, and we are just getting started! At age 17, we were far from having things figured out. Why would 17 years into a marriage be any different?! I hope we continue to have excitement to do things we have done; travel to places we have never seen. I hope we get to grow in Jesus in ways we never knew we could. And if for some reason all of these things are not part of future chapters of our story, I hope we do as much as we can until our story on this side of infinity ends.

It's the simple things!

I love you more now than I did when we first got married. I’m looking forward to my love for your deepening even more...I’m looking forward to all the little things to come!

"Thank you for this journey, no matter how it ends."

- Elgrie J.

The Paradox of my Black Body

April 14, 2021 

My heart is heavy! I feel like it's always heavy. A lot more pain has occurred since last year with little to no progress. I'm discouraged, but I'm not hopeless. I have resilience in my DNA, so I'm not done fighting for change. I'm still here! My body is ready...my mind is not. My mind is caught in a time loop. This loop is a problem.

I was reminded of the importance of addressing the times I get in a stuck mindset when I watched Two Distant Strangers (2020). The film reminded me...

    ●  If I follow directions, I'm in danger!!!

    ●  If I do not follow directions, I'm in danger!!!

    ●  The existence in my skin...my melanin…my Black body's existence makes me dangerous. My existence puts me in danger of not getting home to my wife and kids.

 

The existence of my body shoves me to live in a state of "what if trauma?" There's no formula to ensure

my safety...no formula to ensure I'll return to my family. I'm being asked to trust a system that emotionally feels like I'm playing Russian Roulette every time I engage the system. I have to defy my biology. Reject it!!! My fight-or-flight system is ready to flee. Fighting gets me death...flight is death. Yet, there is no training to equip me for the alternative. No lifeline to rescue me. Sometimes I feel like all I have is just hope in some what-ifs…

    ●     What if my body is humanized?

    ●     What if my skin is legitimized as mattering?

    ●     What if I don't have to get to my family by any means necessary?

My body is a threat even to people who look like me. So where does that leave me? Until collectively my skin is validated...until my body is not perceived as a threat...until ending my life as a solution to the existence of my Black body is no longer an option...don't tell me it will be OK...please don't attempt to de-escalate my trauma by telling me we will get there eventually. The reality is my Black body might not get to the destination of being humanized until all life is removed from my Black body...that's a trauma mere words and hope cannot heal.

 

A Black body seeking humanized recognition,
- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Year 2020 Doesn't get the Victory

 

December 23, 2020

This year has been hard for so many reasons. Some of the reasons include...

●     COVID-19 and the pandemic attached to it. Too many love ones died, and too many survivors of COVID-19 were/are undertreated and underserved

●     Hate crimes against Blacks and in the United States gone viral

●     Hate crimes against ethnic/racial minorities and the Queer community at an all-time high in the United States

●     Thousands people out of jobs

●     Students struggling in an overwhelming digital learning environment

●     Leaders focused on themselves instead of the people they serve

In spite of all of the chaos and heartache, we are still here. We are the heart and backbone of the United States of America; we are the underdogs. The odds are stacked against us, yet we refuse to allow 2020 to get the best of us. We will NOT be the losers of 2020.

For many, our strength is revealed in times of crises. We have learned that there's more to us than meets the eye; there is power that we have yet to harness. This power flows through our ability to endure and invigorates our creativity. The fruits of this power are as follows: We have found new ways to serve others, combat debt, build equity, and fight for all of humanity.

All of those who have come before me are part of my inspiration. My elders, community leaders of the present and past, and my ancestors inspire me. They have given up so much in the hope I would have so much more. What a privilege and honor! And I recognize the source of those who inspire me to be strong and creative comes from my original source, Jesus Christ.

I alone am not enough to take on the toxicity of the world. And every day I am reminded I am not alone. On my wrist is a wristband that reads Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ. I believe this with all my heart. I believe even in failures I am victorious. I am victorious because my setbacks don't mean the end...They are setups for the next chapter. The failures remind me the work is not done, because in the end Jesus WILL get the victory. The victory may not end to my liking, but it WILL end with a victory for the King of Kings!

The toxic economic, social, emotional, and spiritual attacks of 2020 will not get the victory in my life. They will not rule everything around me. I will reflect on my source, because with Him impossible is nothing! Find your victories! Celebrate them! Carry the victories into 2021, leaving 2020 in utter defeat.

 -       Elgrie J. Hurd III, Victor of Year
2020

Find a Dream Partner

Dedicated to my Dream Partner

August 3, 2020

My Dream Partner, my Sunshine

What does it mean to have a dream partner? It is a person who shares the dream/dreams you have and works with you to make them a reality. Dream partners can be business partners, or family members. For me, it is my wife, my Sunshine. If you know our story, you know that we have been dream partners ever since we met. I met my dream partner at California State Polytechnic University, Pomona. We dreamed there...we built there...I proposed to her there. The best decision I ever made in college was marrying my Sunshine. Yet, it almost did not happen.

My proposal to get married was almost the proposal that never happened. Even though I had the support from members of her family and my family, I was scared to dream with her beyond college life. I was a first-generation college student, I had no wealth, and my car was barely holding on. All I had was “a couple of college credits and my top-notch brain.” I had a dream to change the world. In my mind I thought who would give up a world of comfort for that? Would my Sunshine want to build that dream into a reality with me? This concern hindered my efforts to blow her away with a romantic proposal...I feared she would say no. In my most vulnerable state, she said yes. She said she would marry me and began to dream.

Our marriage has been full of dreams and nightmares. I am thankful the dreams outweigh the nightmares by a long shot. This year, my Sunshine and I dreamed of having our own forever home. In January 2020, we began looking at homes. We were not ready to have our own home, but we wanted to get ideas. We came upon this home not far from us. The moment we walked in, my Sunshine was in love with the house. She saw things I could not see. She was dreaming of possibilities, and I was stuck in reality. Unfortunately, when we began to seriously look at homes, only one of us was dreaming. I was thinking in the now, my Sunshine was dreaming about the future. And then in May 2020, we saw a house. It was nice. It had potential, but there was a problem. My Sunshine pointed out that this home was good for the family right now, but what about the future? We could not grow in this house. At that moment, I realized that I had stopped being her dream partner. My Sunshine was dreaming alone. I was seeing convenience while she was seeing more. My shortcoming rocked me, and I told her, "I want to dream with you." From the moment forward, we dreamed of not settling...we dreamed of a home that would allow our family to grow and bless others.

My dream partner put my commitment to the test. The house we saw in January that she loved, was the first house we saw once we found a realtor to help us. In June, it was still the only house that was aligned with our forever home dream wish list. We drove by it (together and separately). When we drove by it, we prayed about it. If this was not going to be our home, we wanted something just like it. And then one day, we walked by it. We saw a potential neighbor. We introduced ourselves and asked him to pray that we get this house and become his neighbors. Then, we shared our vision with some of our closest loved ones. They encouraged us to go for it. We wrote the seller a letter. In the letter we said…

Our desire is to grow our family. We know to do this, the space needs to be bigger than where we currently reside; welcoming for growth...Over the last few years we have become part of the city. Our children attend the local public schools and we are actively serving the community because we want to contribute to its legacy.

Since we moved to Texas, it has been our dream to have a forever home. We have worked tirelessly to get to this point. Making this home our home will have made the journey worth it. If you accept our offer, you are helping two educators achieve their dreams, so we can focus on helping others achieve theirs. Our desire is to close on July 31^st. This is our wedding anniversary. We feel that closing on this date would be an indelible reminder of the blessings the Year 2020 has brought to our family.

Sold to the Hurd 3rd Crew

The seller did not accept our initial offer; we accepted the counter. We did not close on the house on our wedding anniversary, but pretty close to it. From a sentimental perspective, it was not what we wanted. We also recognized the closing date was not deal breaker either. We had several hiccups along the way. Yet, because we were dreaming together, setbacks were just setups for success to get this home. When one of us was losing confidence on the journey, the other partner reminded us that our journey was bigger than us; our potential impact was bigger than us. Our faith in our dreams were bigger than our doubts. We focused on what was to come, rather than what was.

16 years later, I love how we are still finding new ways to dream. My Sunshine continuously shows me that if we dare to dream, there is no limit to what we can do. Even in the midst of economic uncertainty and a global pandemic, we dreamed beyond what we could see. For years, my wife and I were members of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, led by Dr. Tony Evans. One of the sermons that stuck with me was his sermon of faith. He defined faith as “acting like it is so, even when it’s not so, in order than it might be so, simply because God said so.” For us, faith requires us to do our part, and letting God do the rest. The challenge is being patient for God’s timing. Thankfully, our faith in God is mutual. We believe we are each other’s dream partner. And that cohesive faith goes a long way. My challenge to others is to find a dream partner. Find someone who dreams with you based on faith, not by sight. For dreams to be what they need to be you have to have faith. Faith that believes impossible is nothing. Dream together! A dream partner must be faithful. You must be faithful with your dream partner. So, dream on!

- Elgrie J., The Dream Partner of Althea C. (my Sunshine)

Through Her Eyes...

March 31, 2020

March encourages me to focus on the impact of women in my life. To be clear, I do it all year round...March tends to be my hyper focus. And with the United States joining in the quarantine and social distancing due to COVID-19, I have had more time to reflect.

Through their eyes I learn so much!

As a child, I had the honor to meet several survivors of the World War II Axis Powers’ concentration camps. Despite their inhumane treatment they never lost their humanity. Eventually, I heard the story of Anne Frank. The quote from her diary still moves me...

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t
build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the
world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again."

I love Anne Frank's hope in humanity…Her ability to see the strengths despite the falls. To me, that does not mean you do not call out injustice. It simply points not to throw the baby out with the bath water. For me, my hope in humanity has always come from the women in my life.

Sometimes you get the privilege of having people in your family who get you. They give you hope that others will get you, and that not everyone is a jerk. When I was young, the first two who got me were my mother and my eldest sister. But then life gets real...they both died. I started to believe maybe hope is just a childish idea.

Then in college some woman with afro puffs offers me something I had forgotten about...hope...hope in me. Hope that my pain was NOT in vain. She gave me hope in marriage...hope in having a family...She gave me hope that I would beat cancer...Hope that I would find a job after being unemployed for almost a year even as the bills and stress mount. Most importantly, she gave me hope that forgiving those who wronged me would heal me in ways I could not imagine. Through her eyes I believe this country...the whole world can be better. I believe hope can be found in the present and the future.

I see the future of hope in my daughter, Klarc Joy Vida. Like the sister she is named after, she finds the good in people. Whether it is a school bully, or an unethical elected official. She believes there tends to be more good than bad in people. And in the world that has darkness, she has hope. A LOT OF IT! Hope helps you see the light, no matter how small. I need people like her; she helps me believe that hope for future generations is not lost.

Don't lose hope. Don’t stop calling out injustice. Find people in your life that give you hope. Through the eyes of the top two women in my life, I find hope. I look through their eyes. Hope leads to love. And when we have love, "Let Love Rule!"

- Elgrie J.