No Disrespect

 June 30, 2022

 

So, this is a bitter-sweet blog post. I have enjoyed watching “Naomi” on the CW. For my daughter and I it has been our daddy-daughter time. It is part of our casual date. I buy her lunch, or when she’s feeling fancy, she buys me lunch and we hop on the couch and squeeze 1-2 episodes before everyone else gets home. That’s coming to an end. The CW (or whoever is making decisions on which shows get more episodes) decided to axe the show after one season. I’m definitely in my feelings about this decision. The main character is a Black teenager who is smart, popular, rides a skateboard, and loves comic books. This sounds like my daughter (minus the skateboard part). There are not a lot of shows out there with a teenage Black girl as the main character, not tied to any negative stereotypes. (If anyone knows the people who canceled the show, tell them I would at least like to get a meet and greet between Kaci Walfall and my daughter.)

 

One phrase that is always used on the show by Naomi is "no disrespect." From Naomi's point of view, she wants to do 2 things with using this phrase: First, she wants the person to understand her intention…no disrespect. Second, she wants to get her point across. Often in the storylines of the show, the adults continuously tried to deny what she knew. They weren't giving her the credit she deserved. So, while they may have been attempting to be low-key disrespectful to her, she was not attempting to do the same. Like Naomi, I got a few things to get off my chest. My hope is that they are received with no disrespect. 


In my effort to value my voice, I am embracing some things that need to be said for it to manifest. May I have your attention please! Bottom line: I want others to stop stealing my stuff! I want those who say they value what I share in conversations/in the industry to (please) gimme my credit! Gimme me my pay! I want individuals/organizations to stop holding back my royalties. (OK, royalties might be a strong word to use; that's probably a hyperbole.) A one-time payment for a tool/strategy/lesson that is frequently used by an organization that claims to be about DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) is gonna be a problem for me. Let's #DoBetter …Denying me credit only adds to my barriers of recognition in my industry. It denies me opportunities in the future. And I’m not OK with this in my future.

Please stop pretending my voice gets the same opportunity. History shows the rules keep changing! Making laws to restore justice didn't end unfair and unjust practiced ideologies. The reality is to get to the finish line I'm not only carrying my own weight, but the shackles of the burdens and expectations I didn't ask for. I have to know what everyone knows. I also have to know what is invisible to people who don't look like me…the color-blind system that sees color until it doesn’t. I wanna finish at the top; I wanna celebrate. But we aren’t there yet, so let's add equity to the equation ASAP!

It's time to end the excuses and get it right! Can I get my recognition? Can we acknowledge the barriers I overcome are not universal? I know the answers to both of these questions is yes. Yet, despite the systemic and systematic roadblocks I am gonna find a way into the victor's seat. And just know, when I finally get a chance to sit in it, I am not volunteering to give it up. And those who want me out of the chair, they will be welcomed to try…No disrespect! ✊🏾

 

Be well!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Whatever It Takes

 

March 29, 2022

Marvel Studios set the entertainment world on fire with Avengers: Infinity War (2018). But that was only the beginning of a two-part ending. In Avengers: End Game (2019) the remaining Avengers committed to righting the wrong of an infamous villain. Before they begin this dangerous, borderline suicide mission, Captain America tells them all what is at stake. Captain America says, “This is the fight of our lives. And we’re gonna win! Whatever it takes!” I have seen End Game (2019) at least 50 times, and that scene never gets old. It still makes me want to attempt to join the Avengers to defeat Thanos and save the universe!

It is an honor to serve my kids.

I may not be able to save the universe, but I can get the opportunity to do one of the next best things: be an engaged father to my children. I love this privilege that has been given to me. I have 4 kids. So, sometimes the charge of being a daddy might appear to be taxing to outsiders looking in. During the school year, 5 days a week we gotta be out the door before the sun is up. Between work and other required adulting activities, we have to support the travel to school, band practice, art class, swim, Tae Kwon Do practice, sewing class, track, cross-country, community service, and Bible study. For the Hurd 3rd Crew, the show never stops. And I’m grateful I get to serve my kids, daily. Some people ask, “How do you have the energy to push on?” “Don’t you ever wanna quit?” My answers are simple, but not simple. At times, I do wanna quit! I wanna quit more often than I want to admit. But I have the energy to push on for two reasons: First, my source is eternal. So, when I am weak, I lean on Him who is in me. Second, because it’s not about me! It’s about them. To be parent is something everyone is not gifted to be. This reality makes me unafraid to do whatever it takes (that’s ethical) to help my kids get their wins.

As a parent, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. In Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) the great Sidney Poitier is playing as Dr. John Prentice. In this role he had a very heated conversation with his on-screen father. It was suggested by the on-screen father that Dr. Prentice owed his father. Dr. Prentice responded by stating "If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you were supposed to do. Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me…" My kids owe me nothing! I owe them everything, but my soul. I owe them to do my part to equip them so they can utilize their agency to confidently make their own decisions. To do this, I strive to model critical thinking and create an environment where they understand they have the power to do what they believe they can do.

Amid helping my kids get their wins, I am still working for my own. I have heard some people tell me that you cannot be a great parent and go for your dreams. I don’t accept this either-or reality. If these individuals are of the Christian faith, they may also suggest you cannot know Jesus and have fun. I reject this as well! (I have found lots of fun in Jesus!) I can seek to be a great parent and push for my dreams. Over the last 4 years I have been doing just that. In 2018, I quit my job and took on the unthinkable…I became a full-time adjunct instructor at various colleges/universities to increase my odds to become a full-time faculty member at a community college. On this journey, my kids have not gotten less of me. In fact, they have had more time with me than ever before. In less than a year, my dream became a reality. For me, my dreams included my kids. And as I continue to build on my dreams, my kids will continue to be included.

When she wins, I win!

The idea of blogging started because of my daughter. It started because I met a phenomenal young woman who created a platform for girls and women around the world to find support and empowerment. That phenomenal woman made the time to listen to my questions about how to best support my daughter who has dreams that are tall enough to reach the sky. That phenomenal woman, Tiffany Pham, thought my voice was worthy enough to be an influencer on her platform. I will never forget that. My daughter wants to turn the fashion world upside down. I am here for it! I know eventually she will do it. While we wait for that day, I am willing to drive her/fly/finance her to get it done. I’ll do all of that and more cheering all along the way. Whatever it takes on my end to help her get there, please believe I’m all in until she gets the victory!

A Proud and Privileged Dad,
- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Through Her Eyes...

March 31, 2020

March encourages me to focus on the impact of women in my life. To be clear, I do it all year round...March tends to be my hyper focus. And with the United States joining in the quarantine and social distancing due to COVID-19, I have had more time to reflect.

Through their eyes I learn so much!

As a child, I had the honor to meet several survivors of the World War II Axis Powers’ concentration camps. Despite their inhumane treatment they never lost their humanity. Eventually, I heard the story of Anne Frank. The quote from her diary still moves me...

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t
build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the
world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again."

I love Anne Frank's hope in humanity…Her ability to see the strengths despite the falls. To me, that does not mean you do not call out injustice. It simply points not to throw the baby out with the bath water. For me, my hope in humanity has always come from the women in my life.

Sometimes you get the privilege of having people in your family who get you. They give you hope that others will get you, and that not everyone is a jerk. When I was young, the first two who got me were my mother and my eldest sister. But then life gets real...they both died. I started to believe maybe hope is just a childish idea.

Then in college some woman with afro puffs offers me something I had forgotten about...hope...hope in me. Hope that my pain was NOT in vain. She gave me hope in marriage...hope in having a family...She gave me hope that I would beat cancer...Hope that I would find a job after being unemployed for almost a year even as the bills and stress mount. Most importantly, she gave me hope that forgiving those who wronged me would heal me in ways I could not imagine. Through her eyes I believe this country...the whole world can be better. I believe hope can be found in the present and the future.

I see the future of hope in my daughter, Klarc Joy Vida. Like the sister she is named after, she finds the good in people. Whether it is a school bully, or an unethical elected official. She believes there tends to be more good than bad in people. And in the world that has darkness, she has hope. A LOT OF IT! Hope helps you see the light, no matter how small. I need people like her; she helps me believe that hope for future generations is not lost.

Don't lose hope. Don’t stop calling out injustice. Find people in your life that give you hope. Through the eyes of the top two women in my life, I find hope. I look through their eyes. Hope leads to love. And when we have love, "Let Love Rule!"

- Elgrie J.

For My Daughters via My Wife and Mothers

March 31, 2019

March is Women's Herstory month. It is a time that encourages the world to honor women (even though people should honor women all year long). My movie watching this month started with watching Captain Marvel (2019) with one of my daughters; I ended this month watching The Darkest Minds (2018). Both films taught me valuable lessons about the dangers of being overprotective male, and not listening to the voices of the women in your life. These messages are not new to me. But as a parent, I am able to appreciate them so much more now. 

I have four (4) daughters; one born into my family and three were inherited as Goddaughters.  As a father I hope to protect my daughters from harm and support their dreams. There are times when I have good intentions to help.  Unfortunately, sometimes my efforts to help do more harm than good. In these moments I have forgotten the lessons taught by wife and those who have been like mothers to me.

My wife has a passion for mothers. She is constantly pushing to make the voices of mothers known, including her own. Medically, socially, economically, and spiritually we tend to ignore the voice of mothers. Sadly, it is not just mothers, but the voices of women tend to be muted or dismissed. I have seen and read about some of the dangerous consequences of women being muted and/or dismissed. As a man, my wife has shown me how I have been an unknowing accomplice to barriers created for women and girls. And if my desire is to change the role I play in this, I have to put all of my views and actions under the microscope... I must be willing to create short-term and long-term plans of action.

My daughters deserve better. I need to accept my daughters' views as important, even if they are different from mine. I cannot assume about their interests; I need to investigate. That means letting them talk (or text) about their world and actively listening. I need to be willing to participate in their interests with enthusiasm, even if it puts me outside my own comfort zone. This also means for me to be willing to own my efforts that create barriers for my daughters and seek forgiveness. I want them to see my status in their lives does not negate my need to be held responsible.

My mother died when I was 14…God gave me a lot of mothers to fill the void of not having mine. He gave me My grandmother, aunts, one special lady (SG), and high school administrators. These women revised my understanding of strength and toughness.

In my experiences with all my mothers, I was taught how tough mothers can be.  Such a heavy burden is given to them. And all the mothers I knew, no matter the odds that were against them, found a way. From the men in their lives they needed space to do their thing more than anything else.

My mothers taught me some other valuable lessons too...

●     The toughness of the women in my life were not the exception...that toughness is the norm

●     Taught me the complexity of being a woman and mother. To be completely honest I'm only scratching the tip of the iceberg of the complexity.  I still don't have it all

March is women's herstory month. It would be problematic of me to celebrate and listen to women for only 31 days of the year. Supporting the women and girls in your life cannot be taken lightly; it cannot be done haphazardly... there must be daily intentionality in your efforts. To the self-identifying males...

●     We need to listen

●     We need to own our biases as males

●     We need to create a platform to amplify the voices of women

●     How you promoting the her-stories in your life?!

So, what will be your contribution to her-stories in your life?!