For My Daughters via My Wife and Mothers

March 31, 2019

March is Women's Herstory month. It is a time that encourages the world to honor women (even though people should honor women all year long). My movie watching this month started with watching Captain Marvel (2019) with one of my daughters; I ended this month watching The Darkest Minds (2018). Both films taught me valuable lessons about the dangers of being overprotective male, and not listening to the voices of the women in your life. These messages are not new to me. But as a parent, I am able to appreciate them so much more now. 

I have four (4) daughters; one born into my family and three were inherited as Goddaughters.  As a father I hope to protect my daughters from harm and support their dreams. There are times when I have good intentions to help.  Unfortunately, sometimes my efforts to help do more harm than good. In these moments I have forgotten the lessons taught by wife and those who have been like mothers to me.

My wife has a passion for mothers. She is constantly pushing to make the voices of mothers known, including her own. Medically, socially, economically, and spiritually we tend to ignore the voice of mothers. Sadly, it is not just mothers, but the voices of women tend to be muted or dismissed. I have seen and read about some of the dangerous consequences of women being muted and/or dismissed. As a man, my wife has shown me how I have been an unknowing accomplice to barriers created for women and girls. And if my desire is to change the role I play in this, I have to put all of my views and actions under the microscope... I must be willing to create short-term and long-term plans of action.

My daughters deserve better. I need to accept my daughters' views as important, even if they are different from mine. I cannot assume about their interests; I need to investigate. That means letting them talk (or text) about their world and actively listening. I need to be willing to participate in their interests with enthusiasm, even if it puts me outside my own comfort zone. This also means for me to be willing to own my efforts that create barriers for my daughters and seek forgiveness. I want them to see my status in their lives does not negate my need to be held responsible.

My mother died when I was 14…God gave me a lot of mothers to fill the void of not having mine. He gave me My grandmother, aunts, one special lady (SG), and high school administrators. These women revised my understanding of strength and toughness.

In my experiences with all my mothers, I was taught how tough mothers can be.  Such a heavy burden is given to them. And all the mothers I knew, no matter the odds that were against them, found a way. From the men in their lives they needed space to do their thing more than anything else.

My mothers taught me some other valuable lessons too...

●     The toughness of the women in my life were not the exception...that toughness is the norm

●     Taught me the complexity of being a woman and mother. To be completely honest I'm only scratching the tip of the iceberg of the complexity.  I still don't have it all

March is women's herstory month. It would be problematic of me to celebrate and listen to women for only 31 days of the year. Supporting the women and girls in your life cannot be taken lightly; it cannot be done haphazardly... there must be daily intentionality in your efforts. To the self-identifying males...

●     We need to listen

●     We need to own our biases as males

●     We need to create a platform to amplify the voices of women

●     How you promoting the her-stories in your life?!

So, what will be your contribution to her-stories in your life?!