Look How Far You've Come

 October 31, 2024

 Sometimes we normalize our reality. Some of us dismiss the fact that we were not always where we (currently) are. We often forget how far we have come. Unfortunately, when we do this, we miss an opportunity to build our confidence and understand our impact on the world. It also stops us from dreaming. When we accomplish a goal or live out a dream, we are giving ourselves permission to dream again. We are giving ourselves permission to create new goals.

There was a time when my 1st-born didn't believe in his running abilities. No one other than his dad was speaking to his ability. Eventually, a few coaches took notice. However, his belief was not aligned with theirs. He was stuck in where he started versus where he actually was. My son ran cross country all four years of high school. When he started 4 years ago, his team was not a team…they were individuals who were wearing the same uniform. This year was different. This year my son and his teammates were reflective. They didn't dwell on what they hadn't done. They celebrated where they come from. They lived in the moment. This approach carried into almost every race they had. And while their season didn't end the way they wanted, their appreciation of where they came and what they accomplished can never be taken from them. They created a new culture that has the potential to be part of the legacy they leave behind.

I am so excited about where I am in my life! I am so excited about what I get to do for my family and my community. My excitement is rooted in refusing to let my “what ifs” steal the excitement and peace of mind of what is going on in the here and now! Every setback and every lesson have built the foundation I need to thrive in the now. I needed doors shut on me…I needed disruptions and interference that were thrown my way…These experiences gave me humility and gratitude that were essential to personal and professional growth.

In the not-too-distant past, I got to take in how far I’ve come in a way I have never done before. I have always been a fan of Dr. Michael Eric Dyson. From the way that he writes, to the way he speaks, I have been inspired. My early research interests were supported by the writings of Dr. Dyson. When I was working on my master’s at San Jose State University, my research was focused on Hip-Hop. I was examining the good, the bad, and the ugly of Hip-Hop culture. Hip-Hop has been part of my cultural experience long before I had words to describe it. And in graduate school, I wanted to do my part to offer deeper insight into the complexities of Hip-Hop. My research led me to analyze the complexities of Tupac Shakur. There was a lot written about Tupac and Hip-Hop that I used for references. Nothing was as influential to me as the works of Dr. Dyson.

As a graduate student, I often could not afford a lot of the books I needed. Thankfully, I went to a university that had an awesome library. One of the books they had was Dyson’s Holler If You Hear Me (2001). I would spend nights reading and re-reading it…I would make notes in my 3” x 5” pocket memo pad that I still had from my undergraduate studies. Because the book was not mine, I wanted to make sure I made exhaustive notes. I wrote down direct quotes, page numbers, and my own commentary. I took so many notes, I almost ran out of space in my memo pad. I remember wishing I owed the book, so I could engage with the text like I had with books I owed. I did not know when, but I knew one day that would change.

That was 2005-2006. Now it is 2024. It is mind-blowing how far I have come! While I do not buy every book that could offer insight, I have more books with my handwritten responses than I did back at San Jose State. I have had the chance to review numerous textbooks and even get recognition by the authors in a few of them. There was a time when I just wanted people to give me a shot in academia. Now, I get the privilege to be requested as a subject matter expert. I have the honor to stay in touch with many of those who have mentored me. They have gotten a chance to see me mature. I have also been able to offer sage to those who are already full of so much wisdom. I thank them constantly for how they have blessed me. I see the value in full-circle moments, and I attempt to identify them as often as I can.

October 25, 2024, gave me another chance to have a full-circle moment. I was invited to attend a dinner where Dr. Michael Eric Dyson was being honored for his literary works. I brought two of my Dyson books and a pen with the hopes I could get an autograph. I arrived when he arrived; I parked as he was parking. We walked into the venue at the same time. He said good evening, and I could not say a word…I was too overwhelmed to say anything. Then, for a brief moment after the ceremony, he was alone. I thanked him for his writings. I told him that I wrote my master’s project on Tupac Shakur. I told him that his writings helped me share my thoughts on Tupac. I told him my occupation and he told me he was proud of the work I was doing. We took pictures. He signed my books, and we took more pictures. If you told me in 2006, I would be taking pictures with Dr. Michael Eric Dyson like we were besties, I would have never believed you. But it happened…it is an experience I’ll never forget.

Today is possible because of yesterday. Tomorrow is possible because of today. We often make the mistake of not remembering our personal and/or professional evolution. We manifest our goals more than we don't. It has been said that you need 5 positive comments to balance out one negative comment. For everything in your life you view as a failure, there are at least 5 things you have accomplished. My 2004 paved the way for my 2024. In those 20 years, there's more to celebrate than to dwell on. My belief is that is also true for you. If you look at how far you have come, I believe you should consider a celebration dance. Until then, I'm doing it for you!

 

Be well!
-Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Whatever It Takes

 

March 29, 2022

Marvel Studios set the entertainment world on fire with Avengers: Infinity War (2018). But that was only the beginning of a two-part ending. In Avengers: End Game (2019) the remaining Avengers committed to righting the wrong of an infamous villain. Before they begin this dangerous, borderline suicide mission, Captain America tells them all what is at stake. Captain America says, “This is the fight of our lives. And we’re gonna win! Whatever it takes!” I have seen End Game (2019) at least 50 times, and that scene never gets old. It still makes me want to attempt to join the Avengers to defeat Thanos and save the universe!

It is an honor to serve my kids.

I may not be able to save the universe, but I can get the opportunity to do one of the next best things: be an engaged father to my children. I love this privilege that has been given to me. I have 4 kids. So, sometimes the charge of being a daddy might appear to be taxing to outsiders looking in. During the school year, 5 days a week we gotta be out the door before the sun is up. Between work and other required adulting activities, we have to support the travel to school, band practice, art class, swim, Tae Kwon Do practice, sewing class, track, cross-country, community service, and Bible study. For the Hurd 3rd Crew, the show never stops. And I’m grateful I get to serve my kids, daily. Some people ask, “How do you have the energy to push on?” “Don’t you ever wanna quit?” My answers are simple, but not simple. At times, I do wanna quit! I wanna quit more often than I want to admit. But I have the energy to push on for two reasons: First, my source is eternal. So, when I am weak, I lean on Him who is in me. Second, because it’s not about me! It’s about them. To be parent is something everyone is not gifted to be. This reality makes me unafraid to do whatever it takes (that’s ethical) to help my kids get their wins.

As a parent, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. In Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) the great Sidney Poitier is playing as Dr. John Prentice. In this role he had a very heated conversation with his on-screen father. It was suggested by the on-screen father that Dr. Prentice owed his father. Dr. Prentice responded by stating "If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you were supposed to do. Because you brought me into this world. And from that day you owed me everything you could ever do for me…" My kids owe me nothing! I owe them everything, but my soul. I owe them to do my part to equip them so they can utilize their agency to confidently make their own decisions. To do this, I strive to model critical thinking and create an environment where they understand they have the power to do what they believe they can do.

Amid helping my kids get their wins, I am still working for my own. I have heard some people tell me that you cannot be a great parent and go for your dreams. I don’t accept this either-or reality. If these individuals are of the Christian faith, they may also suggest you cannot know Jesus and have fun. I reject this as well! (I have found lots of fun in Jesus!) I can seek to be a great parent and push for my dreams. Over the last 4 years I have been doing just that. In 2018, I quit my job and took on the unthinkable…I became a full-time adjunct instructor at various colleges/universities to increase my odds to become a full-time faculty member at a community college. On this journey, my kids have not gotten less of me. In fact, they have had more time with me than ever before. In less than a year, my dream became a reality. For me, my dreams included my kids. And as I continue to build on my dreams, my kids will continue to be included.

When she wins, I win!

The idea of blogging started because of my daughter. It started because I met a phenomenal young woman who created a platform for girls and women around the world to find support and empowerment. That phenomenal woman made the time to listen to my questions about how to best support my daughter who has dreams that are tall enough to reach the sky. That phenomenal woman, Tiffany Pham, thought my voice was worthy enough to be an influencer on her platform. I will never forget that. My daughter wants to turn the fashion world upside down. I am here for it! I know eventually she will do it. While we wait for that day, I am willing to drive her/fly/finance her to get it done. I’ll do all of that and more cheering all along the way. Whatever it takes on my end to help her get there, please believe I’m all in until she gets the victory!

A Proud and Privileged Dad,
- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Window of Opportunity

February 28, 2022

I love a good cross-country movie

 I am a fan of most cross-country films. If you keep up with sports like cross-country, you know it is an underappreciated team sport. For the team to win, having the best runner is not enough. A winning team must be able to find a way for their top 4-5 runners to tap into their best effort to help the team have the best overall finish. As a distance runner in high school, I had to learn that winning the race did not necessarily mean my team would win the meet. In time, I had to learn that finding out what motivated my teammates to take their efforts to the next level mattered. I spent the last year of my high school experience focusing on making sure my team increased our odds of winning more cross-country meets. Back then I did not realize this was the foundation of servant leadership. What I finally began to realize, is that to win I needed to accept the fact that the effectiveness of my team was greater than the effectiveness of an individual on the team.

I had no idea my running experiences were preparing me for a calling to be a parent, mentor/coach, and a servant leader. Servant leaders seek to make the individuals who are following them to maximize their potential. For some organizations/teams, maximizing a follower’s greatness may come at the cost of the leader or the organization. A servant leader is not deterred by this possibility. As a servant leader, denying a person’s greatness is denying the world to be deprived of a gift that can change the world. This is not an option! As a parent, mentor/coach, and/or leader there is a small window of opportunity to empower individuals to recognize their greatness at an early stage in their development. Why does that matter? So, they can maximize their potential. Also, this allows individuals under someone’s leadership to reduce the chances of regret or missed opportunities.

In hindsight, my window of opportunity for teaching came in an unexpected moment. I was given an opportunity to coordinate an event for my peers in the resident hall I was staying during my freshman year of college. It didn't go as planned. It did open my eyes to what could be. Programming student events led to becoming a resident advisor, and becoming a resident advisor led to leadership and teaching opportunities for the entire university. This is my backstory to leadership and teaching. The backstory of an individual's success is important. Without knowing where someone came from it is difficult to truly comprehend the significance of their success. If we look closer, we see there was a moment that could/did change everything for each of us. For some of us, there was a moment where an intervention from someone occurred that facilitated our path towards confidence (and possibly greatness).

My son and I celebrating his 5k success

My son’s potential backstory in sports started with running long distances. To be clear, my second son is NOT a distance runner, but he's got the potential to be. He typically does not train or volunteer to run long distances. Recently, he showed me that his window of opportunity was upon us. He stated he wanted to earn a medal for a 5k race. To earn a 5k medal, you must run a 5k race. To his benefit, there was an upcoming 5k that he would feel like he earned a medal, because it was probably one of the hilliest 5k races in North Texas. But none of that matters if he was not willing to trust the process and I was not willing to guide him in the process. When it was all said and done, he earned his 5k medal, and placed in the top three of his age group…He even placed in the top ten for all boys under the age of 18. The confidence he developed in that grueling 5k was amazing. My son discovered he had a talent for running. And since that race, he has not looked back!

Like my son, there are individuals who need a push. Sadly, too many may be unsupported and unaware of the opportunity for them. Missing the window does not mean their chance to walk in their purpose/talent will never come. It likely means it will be delayed, and the world gets a delayed version of benefits. There is not time for that! Everyone is not a servant leader. But, for those of you who are, step up and do your part! I challenge you to help someone find their window of opportunity! #IAmCauseWeAre

 

Be well!
- Elgrie J./Father of the Hurd 3^rd Crew

I Just Want You to be Proud of Me

March 29, 2021

Althea working on another project!

I don’t know a lot about Tito Lopez. I do know that his musical existence has been burned into my memory bank because of my friend’s relationship with his mother. My friend has a close relationship with his mother. She is his ace boon coon. For the most part, no matter what is going on, he makes time for her. Often, we will be hanging out and then I hear his phone playing Mama Proud by Tito Lopez as his ringtone. The part he has as his ringtone repeats “I just want my mama to be proud of me. I just want my mama to be proud of me.” When that happens, our conversation pauses, and his son duty calls. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, because his relationship with his mother is the embodiment of that song’s chorus.

The relationship dynamics I have/had with the mother figures in my life are a little different, but the desire to honor them is the same. They pushed me to not let where I come from determine where I was going. Most importantly, they wanted me to represent them in all that I do. By doing that, I learned I was representing the collective, not just myself. I take pride in seeking to bring honor to mothers I have/had my life. Thankfully, they all confirmed on this side of eternity that I did honor them well.

My efforts to bring honor to women did not stop with those who helped raise me. Recently, I watched a YouTube video of Nas writing a letter to Destiny (Dear Destiny). As the video develops you realize that all Nas wants is for Destiny to be proud of him. I can relate to Nas. I live with a queen and a warrior princess...Althea and Klarc Joy. I take great joy cheering them for their unique versions of Black excellence.

Madam VP dressed to change the world

Over the years I have seen them both find new things to thrive in. In the recent past, Althea became an expecting mother-to-be one-stop empowerment hub for pregnant women. For Klarc Joy, her thing was fashion and art. Times have changed; their creative energies have found new things to explore. Althea has become the little-carpenter-that-could. If she can think it, she has made it. Headboard, benches, hotel for Guinea pigs, tables, bathroom cubby...YOU NAME IT! (Yes, it is that serious.) Klarc Joy is becoming an activist for the collective. As Madam Vice President of her school, she continuously finds practical ways to reestablish community in a pandemic, and actually implementing them. As their cheerleader, I am amazed and inspired. The ladies of royalty in my house remind me that it is not a requirement for you to remain stagnant in your purpose or talent. Yet, to embrace this premise requires courage. It takes courage to try new things. It requires an unyielding persistence to become good at those new things. These two are doing that, and they are only getting started!

I hope to continue to be inspired by the ladies of my life so they can continually be proud of me.

The Biggest Cheerleader of the Hurd 3rd Crew Ladies of Royalty,

- Elgrie J.

 

Confessions of Being a Dad

 

January 26, 2021

Dedicated to my first-born who started it all, and my sons who have come after...

 

I absolutely love being a dad. It is one of the things I constantly thank God for on a daily basis. I love my kids. I even like my kids. I know those are no small feats. And in this pandemic, I am learning that my dynamic is not universal.

While I love being a dad, becoming one was one of the most frightening things to consider. A constant battle in my mind was... what if I get wrong? Unfortunately, that is still a daily struggle. Thankfully, doubt seems to be losing each round lately. For me, I seek to be a daddy that is different from the negative stereotypes. Not because it is uncommon, but because it is the right thing to do. I often write these blogs with a focus on my daughters. This time I decided to focus on my sons.

There is so much on the line to get it right as a dad of a son. I want my sons to be free of seeing toxic masculinity modeled by the men in their life (including by me). I want them to know when they see me cry, that is OK, and it does not make them less of a cisgender male. I want them to know it is not a form of weakness to be vulnerable and transparent. I try to be intentional in allowing my sons to see me in these moments and offering commentary because it matters.

It is important for my sons to know that I do make mistakes. I seek to model for them that not only do mistakes happen, but we should find ways to be accountable and learn from them. At the same time, I want my sons to know that effort and discipline are not enough to get the results we desire. I want them to know that we live in a very broken world, full of broken people and unjust policies that often reinforce the brokenness. It is not right; it is not fair; it is reality. Hence, part of the journey for success is navigating with the right awareness and the right support systems. Another part of the journey is finding ways to address the brokenness in a way that benefits others who are denied opportunities.

And with all that I want for them, I know I can be a barrier to things I want for them. In my efforts to protect them from pain I experienced, I forget the positive life-altering things that came with the pain of my past. In an effort to encourage safety, I unintentionally suffocate their dreams and imagination. My hope is that my shortcomings do not cause my sons to become their own dream killers. My mistakes do not have to be their mistakes. In fact, I hope they would do like I did…hold onto the things my dad did/does well and improve on the things he did not.

 

All of the things I have shared in this blog post are important for me to share with my sons. But none of it compares to the importance of their souls. I want my sons to have the opportunity to find peace and glory on the other side of eternity. I want them to know who their Heavenly Father is...what He has done and continues to do for our family. I want them to know (as much that is humanly possible) the depth of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for them. I do not want their understanding to be limited to what they read; I want them to see it in me. I want them to see it in my prayers with them and my actions around them. I want their measuring stick of success to not be defined by me, but by the blueprint Jesus laid out for us. As a dad who seeks to serve Christ, following Jesus is the greatest legacy to my sons. If this legacy is embraced at some level by sons, my parenting to them is not a failure. Only time will tell. Until time reveals the final product, I will continue to pray and love on them relentlessly.

 

Let love rule!
- Elgrie J./Daddy (to my kids)

We Haven't Arrived Yet

November 26, 2020

My Madam Vice President-Elect

In 2008 the United States of America (USA) got its first Black President. In 2020 the USA got its first Black Vice President. A Black woman is next in line to be President! I could see many making the argument that we (the USA) have transcended race and that gender roles are no longer barriers in this country. As much as I yearn for this reality, it is still just a dream.

Former President Barack Obama and Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris are not the norm for the Black experience in the United States, they are the exception. Madam Vice President-elect Kamala Harris is not the norm for the experience of women (especially Black women), she is the exception. I am excited about the possibilities of what these two milestones mean for the United States, People of Color and women. Yet, I struggle to celebrate. In my heart I know we have not arrived.

If we truly have arrived in 2020, things that should be norms would no longer be exceptions. For me, the following are not norms...

●     No longer having trepidations about my eldest son making it home safely

●     Not having others associate my success solely with affirmative action or charity, rather than being tied to hard work

A Chuck-full of peace with my Hurd 3rd Crew

●     My daughter constantly feeling beautiful outside our home and not be dehumanized because of her passion

●     Brothers and Sisters of different pigmentation and cultures to stop denying the intentional 
and systemic oppression of Blacks

●     My wife's passion expressed in her to not be seen as angry when she is not. (What she is often doing is gracefully attacking the false sense of supremacy tied to white fragility.) 

The elections of 2020 have shown us that the USA is still divided. We still have citizens who believe changes in laws mandate changes in the hearts of people. That's not how it works. We can make all the laws and execution orders. This only addresses part of the problem. Heart issues defy logic. Heart issues require an embracing of the truth for lasting change. The humanitarian and attorney Bryan Stevenson spoke about the United States having a racial bias legacy. He said, “We haven't really talked much about the legacy of racial bias...I don’t think we can be free...until we address this problem. But to get there, we’re going to have to be willing to tell the truth.” We cannot arrive as a country until we deal with the truth. Ignoring the truth keeps exceptions as exceptions, and stops the expansion of norms we all deserve to experience.

2021 is coming soon. We can hit the reset button, or make 2021 a new version of 2020. I say, "Do better!" Deal with the truths of our country...the good, the bad, and the ugly. That is how we do better! Are you ready?!

-       Elgrie J./Prof. H.

No Strings Attached

Dedicated to my Hurd 3rd Crew…

February 1, 2020

My eldest's first recital

January 26th is one of my favorite days of the year. It is my firstborn's birthday. 2020, he turned 13. I wanted to make it special. My son is a simple kid. He did not ask for much. So, I gave him what he wanted, plus a road trip with his maternal grandfather and me. For the whole trip it was all about him. He even got some say in our musical choices for the 6-hour road trip.

On the way back home, my wife sent my son a text. My son said, "Mommy said turn the radio onto a sports radio station.” I did not want to decipher through her coded message, so I called her. She told me some sad news had happened; Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash. Later I learned his 13-year-old daughter was on the plane too, as well as 7 other people.

Esau exchanging baking ideas with a professional chef

I thought I would process this as a fan of hoops and a father. Turns out, I processed it only as a father. My appreciation of Kobe Bryant was never about basketball; it was always about his mentality to achieve. It was about his Mamba Mentality; his never quit mentality even when he had nothing left to give. As my kids got older, I read articles and heard interviews with Kobe Bryant. The longer I was parent, the more my appreciation grew regarding his mentality toward wanting to be a better husband; my appreciation grew as it related to his efforts as a father. As I learn more of what did (after his passing), he reminded me of some things…

James Robert tells a story

We don't get to choose how our kids love us. We should not strive to live our dreams through our kids, or think they have to embrace what brought us joy in our lives. As parents, especially as fathers, we need to embrace the moments we get to share with our children.

I have 4 children; 3 boys and 1 girl. I also have 3 goddaughters. Most of them are not into sports like I am. I used to be a little jaded about that. Then I realized what they did for me. They have taught me new things about myself by embracing who they are. Whether it is fashion, acting, singing, martial arts, construction vehicles, poetry, writing, drawing, painting, mythology, comic books, dystopian books, or just being silly. By celebrating who they are I have unlocked a piece of myself I did not know existed (or I had forgotten existed). Daily, they remind me of the privilege of being a parent; of being a dad.

Klarc Joy Vida modeling her fashion design

Fight with all you have to help them see and be the greatness that is within them. Fight for them without a guilt trip. Your children should not feel guilty that you sacrificed for them. They should feel honored and loved by your sacrifice. They should know you do it because you want to; you do it because they are worth it (and then some). Fight because you have been given the opportunity to be a parent. It is a privilege everyone does not get. So, keep fighting.

For those of us that have children, our legacy is in how our children remember us, not how we think we should be remembered. What I want my kids to know is how much I love them; how privileged and blessed I am to be their father...and that I'm here, with no strings attached.

The entire Hurd 3rd Crew children (for now)

Kobe was unapologetically committed to his wife and daughters. He poured all that he had into them everyday like each day was his last. I respect that; I plan to do the same. What type of mentality will you live by?!

  -       Elgrie J.