No Strings Attached

Dedicated to my Hurd 3rd Crew…

February 1, 2020

My eldest's first recital

January 26th is one of my favorite days of the year. It is my firstborn's birthday. 2020, he turned 13. I wanted to make it special. My son is a simple kid. He did not ask for much. So, I gave him what he wanted, plus a road trip with his maternal grandfather and me. For the whole trip it was all about him. He even got some say in our musical choices for the 6-hour road trip.

On the way back home, my wife sent my son a text. My son said, "Mommy said turn the radio onto a sports radio station.” I did not want to decipher through her coded message, so I called her. She told me some sad news had happened; Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash. Later I learned his 13-year-old daughter was on the plane too, as well as 7 other people.

Esau exchanging baking ideas with a professional chef

I thought I would process this as a fan of hoops and a father. Turns out, I processed it only as a father. My appreciation of Kobe Bryant was never about basketball; it was always about his mentality to achieve. It was about his Mamba Mentality; his never quit mentality even when he had nothing left to give. As my kids got older, I read articles and heard interviews with Kobe Bryant. The longer I was parent, the more my appreciation grew regarding his mentality toward wanting to be a better husband; my appreciation grew as it related to his efforts as a father. As I learn more of what did (after his passing), he reminded me of some things…

James Robert tells a story

We don't get to choose how our kids love us. We should not strive to live our dreams through our kids, or think they have to embrace what brought us joy in our lives. As parents, especially as fathers, we need to embrace the moments we get to share with our children.

I have 4 children; 3 boys and 1 girl. I also have 3 goddaughters. Most of them are not into sports like I am. I used to be a little jaded about that. Then I realized what they did for me. They have taught me new things about myself by embracing who they are. Whether it is fashion, acting, singing, martial arts, construction vehicles, poetry, writing, drawing, painting, mythology, comic books, dystopian books, or just being silly. By celebrating who they are I have unlocked a piece of myself I did not know existed (or I had forgotten existed). Daily, they remind me of the privilege of being a parent; of being a dad.

Klarc Joy Vida modeling her fashion design

Fight with all you have to help them see and be the greatness that is within them. Fight for them without a guilt trip. Your children should not feel guilty that you sacrificed for them. They should feel honored and loved by your sacrifice. They should know you do it because you want to; you do it because they are worth it (and then some). Fight because you have been given the opportunity to be a parent. It is a privilege everyone does not get. So, keep fighting.

For those of us that have children, our legacy is in how our children remember us, not how we think we should be remembered. What I want my kids to know is how much I love them; how privileged and blessed I am to be their father...and that I'm here, with no strings attached.

The entire Hurd 3rd Crew children (for now)

Kobe was unapologetically committed to his wife and daughters. He poured all that he had into them everyday like each day was his last. I respect that; I plan to do the same. What type of mentality will you live by?!

  -       Elgrie J.