Confessions of Being a Dad

 

January 26, 2021

Dedicated to my first-born who started it all, and my sons who have come after...

 

I absolutely love being a dad. It is one of the things I constantly thank God for on a daily basis. I love my kids. I even like my kids. I know those are no small feats. And in this pandemic, I am learning that my dynamic is not universal.

While I love being a dad, becoming one was one of the most frightening things to consider. A constant battle in my mind was... what if I get wrong? Unfortunately, that is still a daily struggle. Thankfully, doubt seems to be losing each round lately. For me, I seek to be a daddy that is different from the negative stereotypes. Not because it is uncommon, but because it is the right thing to do. I often write these blogs with a focus on my daughters. This time I decided to focus on my sons.

There is so much on the line to get it right as a dad of a son. I want my sons to be free of seeing toxic masculinity modeled by the men in their life (including by me). I want them to know when they see me cry, that is OK, and it does not make them less of a cisgender male. I want them to know it is not a form of weakness to be vulnerable and transparent. I try to be intentional in allowing my sons to see me in these moments and offering commentary because it matters.

It is important for my sons to know that I do make mistakes. I seek to model for them that not only do mistakes happen, but we should find ways to be accountable and learn from them. At the same time, I want my sons to know that effort and discipline are not enough to get the results we desire. I want them to know that we live in a very broken world, full of broken people and unjust policies that often reinforce the brokenness. It is not right; it is not fair; it is reality. Hence, part of the journey for success is navigating with the right awareness and the right support systems. Another part of the journey is finding ways to address the brokenness in a way that benefits others who are denied opportunities.

And with all that I want for them, I know I can be a barrier to things I want for them. In my efforts to protect them from pain I experienced, I forget the positive life-altering things that came with the pain of my past. In an effort to encourage safety, I unintentionally suffocate their dreams and imagination. My hope is that my shortcomings do not cause my sons to become their own dream killers. My mistakes do not have to be their mistakes. In fact, I hope they would do like I did…hold onto the things my dad did/does well and improve on the things he did not.

 

All of the things I have shared in this blog post are important for me to share with my sons. But none of it compares to the importance of their souls. I want my sons to have the opportunity to find peace and glory on the other side of eternity. I want them to know who their Heavenly Father is...what He has done and continues to do for our family. I want them to know (as much that is humanly possible) the depth of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for them. I do not want their understanding to be limited to what they read; I want them to see it in me. I want them to see it in my prayers with them and my actions around them. I want their measuring stick of success to not be defined by me, but by the blueprint Jesus laid out for us. As a dad who seeks to serve Christ, following Jesus is the greatest legacy to my sons. If this legacy is embraced at some level by sons, my parenting to them is not a failure. Only time will tell. Until time reveals the final product, I will continue to pray and love on them relentlessly.

 

Let love rule!
- Elgrie J./Daddy (to my kids)