Don't Hold Back

June 30, 2024

It is a privilege to be a girl dad! Before I had my own daughter, I had been given the honor of being a godfather to 3 daughters. So now, I'm a father of 4 daughters! What a blessing! The blessings don't stop there. Now two are on their way to college. I couldn't be prouder!
As they begin their next part of their journey in higher education, I think of the book that I received when I graduated with my bachelor's degree. The title of the book was Oh the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. For those who may not be familiar with the book, it's the story that offers pearls of wisdom for those entering adulthood. The book stresses perseverance over difficult situations and keeping your head high even when all hope seems lost. For years I would give this book to mentees who finished high school or college. To be clear, I am no Dr. Seuss when it comes to writing! Regardless, I still wanted to offer a personalized message to my goddaughters and anyone else who could benefit from a motivational push. So, I offer those who are reading this blog three tips that may be helpful…

Tip #1: Don't let the trauma of those who came before automatically become yours.
The people who came before you have a story but it doesn't have to be your story. People that came before you have had their own setbacks and their own barriers. For many, their barriers become trauma they have not sought healing from. And those barriers/traumas often serve as detractors for them to reclaim their dreams for them to dream. With inability to dream, they may struggle to be your cheerleader. Their trauma strips them of hope; strips them of the possibility of another way for their story to continue. This does not have to be your story! Don't let someone's nightmare destroy your dreams of what may be. Defend your dreams!!! Resist the idea that the trauma of others must become yours to honor them. Free yourself from that logic! Be your biggest cheerleader because no one can walk your journey but you. Remember, your future is not determined by the trauma of all those who came before you.

Tip #2: Don't let the fear of a loved one imprison you from doing things their fear cannot imagine.
When you are the first to do something, it can seem impossible to others. Whether you're the first person you're going to attend college (and graduate), first to get married, first to have a family…the first to play a sport, the first to study abroad…the first to be an entrepreneur, or maybe the first in your family to be a professional artist. Whatever your first might be, fear will always be one of your enemies. When fear tries to set in, you gotta be courageous to not let fear control the outcome. I know what it's like to do things first in the family. It might seem scary; in the end it’s worth it! Take a chance! Take a leap of faith like I have on numerous occasions and know that your loved one's lack of imagination doesn't have to be the shackles that make you stagnant. Snatch the key from fear and free yourself! Live life to its fullest!

Tip #3: Find your home (away from home)!
As one of my goddaughters and other mentees were trying to determine which university to attend, I asked them, “which university makes you not wanna leave?” I went on to tell them that for me, Cal Poly Pomona University was my home away from home. I stressed the idea that wherever they go, it needs to feel like home. So, whatever you're trying to do, whether it's college, considering relocating to another part of the country, or just trying to live your best life, surround yourself with a foundation of people and opportunities that make you feel like home; that makes you feel safe. A place that allows you to be vulnerable and protected at the same time. This requires finding a space that aligns with your values and your faith. Home may look different for different people. But when you find home, it begins on a journey toward you having freedom on this side of eternity.

As I conclude this blog post, it makes me think of Marianne Williamson’s short poem, “Our Deepest Fear.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

I love the poem written by Marianne Williamson. I love it because a lot of us fear being greater than we can imagine. With that greatness comes the responsibility not to hide it. And that responsibility can seem daunting. People will criticize how well you use/don’t use your greatness…people will reach out for self-serving reasons…and some people will walk away from having a relationship with you because they doubt that they too have greatness within them.   Do not hide your light because the world might get more challenging. Take a lesson from Marianne Williamson: You've only got one life to live, so don't hold back! Greatness awaits!!!

Your digital cheerleader for your greatest success!
-Elgrie J. 

***Blog post update: As of July 2024, now I have a new (newborn) goddaughter to look after. The daughter count is now 5!