Don't Hold Back

June 30, 2024

It is a privilege to be a girl dad! Before I had my own daughter, I had been given the honor of being a godfather to 3 daughters. So now, I'm a father of 4 daughters! What a blessing! The blessings don't stop there. Now two are on their way to college. I couldn't be prouder!
As they begin their next part of their journey in higher education, I think of the book that I received when I graduated with my bachelor's degree. The title of the book was Oh the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. For those who may not be familiar with the book, it's the story that offers pearls of wisdom for those entering adulthood. The book stresses perseverance over difficult situations and keeping your head high even when all hope seems lost. For years I would give this book to mentees who finished high school or college. To be clear, I am no Dr. Seuss when it comes to writing! Regardless, I still wanted to offer a personalized message to my goddaughters and anyone else who could benefit from a motivational push. So, I offer those who are reading this blog three tips that may be helpful…

Tip #1: Don't let the trauma of those who came before automatically become yours.
The people who came before you have a story but it doesn't have to be your story. People that came before you have had their own setbacks and their own barriers. For many, their barriers become trauma they have not sought healing from. And those barriers/traumas often serve as detractors for them to reclaim their dreams for them to dream. With inability to dream, they may struggle to be your cheerleader. Their trauma strips them of hope; strips them of the possibility of another way for their story to continue. This does not have to be your story! Don't let someone's nightmare destroy your dreams of what may be. Defend your dreams!!! Resist the idea that the trauma of others must become yours to honor them. Free yourself from that logic! Be your biggest cheerleader because no one can walk your journey but you. Remember, your future is not determined by the trauma of all those who came before you.

Tip #2: Don't let the fear of a loved one imprison you from doing things their fear cannot imagine.
When you are the first to do something, it can seem impossible to others. Whether you're the first person you're going to attend college (and graduate), first to get married, first to have a family…the first to play a sport, the first to study abroad…the first to be an entrepreneur, or maybe the first in your family to be a professional artist. Whatever your first might be, fear will always be one of your enemies. When fear tries to set in, you gotta be courageous to not let fear control the outcome. I know what it's like to do things first in the family. It might seem scary; in the end it’s worth it! Take a chance! Take a leap of faith like I have on numerous occasions and know that your loved one's lack of imagination doesn't have to be the shackles that make you stagnant. Snatch the key from fear and free yourself! Live life to its fullest!

Tip #3: Find your home (away from home)!
As one of my goddaughters and other mentees were trying to determine which university to attend, I asked them, “which university makes you not wanna leave?” I went on to tell them that for me, Cal Poly Pomona University was my home away from home. I stressed the idea that wherever they go, it needs to feel like home. So, whatever you're trying to do, whether it's college, considering relocating to another part of the country, or just trying to live your best life, surround yourself with a foundation of people and opportunities that make you feel like home; that makes you feel safe. A place that allows you to be vulnerable and protected at the same time. This requires finding a space that aligns with your values and your faith. Home may look different for different people. But when you find home, it begins on a journey toward you having freedom on this side of eternity.

As I conclude this blog post, it makes me think of Marianne Williamson’s short poem, “Our Deepest Fear.”

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

I love the poem written by Marianne Williamson. I love it because a lot of us fear being greater than we can imagine. With that greatness comes the responsibility not to hide it. And that responsibility can seem daunting. People will criticize how well you use/don’t use your greatness…people will reach out for self-serving reasons…and some people will walk away from having a relationship with you because they doubt that they too have greatness within them.   Do not hide your light because the world might get more challenging. Take a lesson from Marianne Williamson: You've only got one life to live, so don't hold back! Greatness awaits!!!

Your digital cheerleader for your greatest success!
-Elgrie J. 

***Blog post update: As of July 2024, now I have a new (newborn) goddaughter to look after. The daughter count is now 5!

You Against You

 

November 26, 2023

“See that guy staring back at you…That’s your toughest opponent.” – Rocky Balboa (from the film Creed)

Don't let others define your legacy/purpose

All of us want to matter to someone beyond ourselves. For some people, one person is enough…for others, some want to matter to the entire world. We all have different reasons for this desire. I believe it is the foundation of the human experience to have purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 states “…for I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future…”

I think we all have a unique purpose. As a child, I wanted a purpose, and I had no idea how to find it. Because I did not know my purpose, I grew thinking I had to prove myself every step of the way because…

• I was the smallest
• Or the younger sibling of…
• Or the only Black kid
• The first-generation college student
• The kid from poverty
• The charity case of kid who survived more than I am willing to put on into digital words

Thankfully, by the time I got to college, I began to find pieces of my purpose. While I did have it all together by the time I finished college, I kept getting closer. After relocating to Texas and experiencing my 2^nd toxic work environment I finally began to recognize I had more say on my purpose than I thought. The things I was able to control were more impactful on my purpose (not my reality/situation) than I realized. Whether it’s my health, my parenting skills, my husband skills, relationships with others, or my journey in academics…there are many battles. The greatest battle is me against me!!! To win, I gotta move myself out of the way. I need to move my doubt and past failures out of the way. The main character of Creed (2015) had to do the same thing, move outta our own way!

I love the movie Creed (2015). It is a boxing version of my origin story in many ways…Adonis (Johnson) Creed never met his biological father. He was born out of an affair his father had with his mother, while his father was married to someone else. Coming into adulthood, Adonis Creed wanted to prove he wasn’t a mistake. He wasn’t a mistake!!! The only way to prove that was to get out of his own way. He had to move his doubt…he had to move his disbelief out of his own way.

Your Toughest Opponent: You!

At times I have felt like I was a mistake. And that was the lie that tried to hijack my purpose. No matter your story, you are NOT a mistake. Your greatness is not determined by where you came from; it is based on how determined you are to get where you are going. In the film, Creed did not win the boxing title. He lost the fight, but he won. He won because he found himself. Sometimes the gold at the end of the rainbow is the treasure we need, not what we want…it may be what is needed to get started. What parts of you are in your way? Name them! Create a plan to move each of them out of your way. Once they are gone…your journey becomes clearer. So, remember, “it’s you against you!”

 

Be well!
- Elgrie J.

Embrace Your Story

 December 23, 2022

Don't be discouraged by detours in your story

Don't compare your story…don't belittle the impact of your story…an informal mentor once asked me to ask people I knew how I had affected their lives. A few people never responded…but there were a lot who did. O.M.G! The responses were not what I expected. I didn't know my story was worthy of celebration.

For me, how I felt about my cancer story was about how I felt my entire life story thus far. I did not think that my cancer story was worthy of celebration. To me, it wasn't a real cancer story because my cancer treatment was not intense or as long as others. But that's not how cancer works. If you have/had cancer, you have a cancer story. The same is true about the success you experience in life. Just because you don't win an Oscar, the World Cup, a Grammy, MVP, the Nobel Peace Prize, or the Pulitzer Prize doesn't mean the value of your success is limited to you.

Your story might be full of detours. That does not stop your story from being worthy of telling…worthy of embracing. Social media is a thorn in our self-worth…we see people portray their best selves, but not their struggles…not their flaws or moments of no self-esteem…Social media promotes instant responses…We often process that as instant results, or that our results should be identical to others…but you ain't them…you don't live their story and you don't need to. Acknowledge the fact that your story will have the ability to connect to others, even if you are not sure how it will happen.

Make time to record your story!

Don't walk into 2023 trying to create a story that you think people are expecting of you! You need to treat yourself better! The world needs you…and all that you perceive as baggage! Use it! Use it all to remind yourself of where you came from. Use it to remind yourself your story is not done yet. And when you all do all these things to embrace your story, you will be surprised by how many others you have inspired along the way. So, keep trucking and keep a written record of your journey because your story is worth more than you think!

 Be well!
-Elgrie J. Hurd III

My Belief is Greater than Your Doubt

November 26, 2022

I am not afraid of a good challenge

In February 2018, the Marvel Studios’ film Black Panther came to the big screen. Before the movie came out, I knew I needed to make this an experience for my whole family. So, I requested the latter half of the day off from work. I told my supervisor I would inform my students why I was leaving early. My supervisor and others thought this might give the students a bad impression; to miss class to see a movie. I told them, Black Panther was going to be more than a movie; it was going to be a cultural game changer. When February 2018 arrived, my belief became reality. Black Panther broke box office records and even made its presence at the Oscars. This fictional world of Wakanda gave hope and inspiration to Blacks and non-white people around the world.

Other movies have come out since then that were game changers…Jingle Jangle (2020), Crazy Rich Asians (2018), Encanto (2021), The Woman King (2022), and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022). For all of these films, each had to overcome the barriers of doubters. Doubters who did not want to fund the projects. Doubters who did not see the relevance and potential impact of the films. Some rationales of the doubters were rooted in the lack of Eurocentric faces portrayed in these films, the intentional inclusion of women as protagonists, and/or wanting to strip away the stories the filmmakers wanted to tell because they didn’t agree with the success they could bring. In each of these situations, many of the doubters probably did not even realize how their biases really spoke to their lack of vision more than the possibility of what could be. Thankfully the belief of the film makers was greater than the doubts of others.

Doubters underestimated us...our kids believed!!!

I am not a filmmaker, but I have had my own share of doubters in my life. People doubted my wife and I’s decision to homeschool our children for elementary school. The haters said our children would be socially awkward and that they would fall behind academically. We knew differently. Our belief in our skillset and commitment was greater than the confidence of others’ doubts. My wife was formally trained to be a teacher, and I had my own successful experiences teaching middle school and high school. Not only did my children strive academically, but they were able to unlock their unique talents that have been part of the foundation of their self-esteem…Some doubted my wife having a home birth. They questioned the medical soundness of the decision. Some even suggested that supporting my wife could lead to the death of my wife and unborn child. The birth of our fourth son was not only one of the smoothest births my wife had, but it also provided us with inspiration to help us support mothers to birth in peace. In 2018, I quit my full-time job to be a full-time adjunct professor. Doubters told me I would have to do it forever and be unable to support my family. I believed more than they doubted. My one year as a full-time adjunct made me the most qualified candidate for a full-time faculty position. Furthermore, as an adjunct, my family was never without…I had more quality time with them than any time period as a parent.

Too often we are waiting for others to be our biggest fans…unfortunately too often they are our biggest doubters. They think they are helping us play it safe. They believe in the long run it will lead to better success for us. The reality is those people who think they are helping often facilitate our lives to an endless series of what-ifs. In turn, it leads us to living a life heavy with shame. The doubters may not know their family lineage, but I know mine! I come from a lineage of courageous people! My maternal grandmother was courageous enough to take on Mississippi that was controlled by Jim Crow. My maternal grandfather was courageous to take on delivering weapons on the front line in WWII with no weapons other than his mind and his body. My father took on a computer industry that often tried to deny him based on his limited formal education, versus his knowledge that was light years ahead of some of his colleagues (and supervisors).

They said I couldn't...this picture says otherwise

I am not afraid to be courageous in the face of doubters. Whether it is my educational pursuits, how I cheer on my wife and my children, or even how I choose to use my skills to build people up (that are frequently left out). I am not afraid to tell my story in its entirety…the good, the bad, the ugly. The entirety of my story can offer people the encouragement to be courageous in their own journey. Find your family’s origin story of being courageous. And if you cannot find one within immediate family lineage, be the genesis of your family’s origins of being courageous! Believe in what you can do, even when others want to be contrary. Your belief can be greater than the doubts of others. Lean on your faith in you and what you were meant to do in society. The doubters are coming. Are you ready to outlast them?

Stay ready! Be well!
- Elgrie J.