And I’m Tired…

January 29, 2023 

I am tired of being tired

New year, new you? Well, I think it is a yes and a no. Yes, because I do want some things to be different this year. The answer is also a no answer because I am still me, and there are things about me that I want to remain, because they are valuable to what makes me--me! So how do I find peace with this paradox?! I have an answer! When I was a child, I had a chance to attend the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings with adult family members. For me, it did two things. One: it humanized the struggle of chemical addiction/dependency. Two (which was even more important): it helped me learn the importance of identifying things I can change, and the things I cannot change.


Some things I cannot, nor do I want to change. Even though the world may not appreciate my Blackness, I know the void the world would experience without my Blackness ... without the Blackness of others who identify as Black. I have no desire to change my faith, my marriage, or my occupation. While I might want some different perspectives from my children at times, I DO NOT want to replace the children I have been blessed with. But I do want change.

 I feel like Bill's character in real-life

I’m tired of waiting for certain changes to come. I’m tired of living my own version of the movie Groundhog Day (1993) about my skill set. Over and over, I have to pass a test in academia, religious organizations, Corporate America, and nonprofits. My résumé and documented experiences are often called into question when I have colleagues with less experience who receive far less scrutiny. I am tired of this! I’m tired of the lip service and empty action. Complaining and calling out societal flaws does not make someone an activist or a revolutionary. I am tired of people saying they are down for a cause/to create change, but their actions say otherwise. I’m tired of hate and apathy ruling so much around me. I'm tired…I'm tired…I’m tired.

And if I'm truly tired of these things, I must be willing to be OK to try new approaches in 2023. Just because it worked in the past doesn't mean it will work in the present (or that it will in the future). You and I don't have to keep staying tired. I heard a wise person say it is OK to embrace the ease. She actually said, "lean into ease." You don't have to be a martyr of suffering to be a difference maker. This ain't 1965, 1968, 1969, 1977, or 1979…it's a new century that requires new approaches to finding solutions.

The danger of people believing when others say things will get better as an absolute truth is problematic, because sometimes things don't get better. Sometimes things stay the same; sometimes, it gets worse. I gotta be willing to acknowledge that I don't want prosperity theology or the flawed Protestant work ethic to blind me from recognizing how to make the meaningful change I desire. Working hard or being deserving by society is NOT necessarily enough to make lasting change. Sometimes before anything can be changed, we have to change. Maya Angelou said, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Is your attitude toward change truly open to change?!

Make 2023 something to celebrate

Sometimes you gotta look back at what was and know it offers nothing more than what was. Look forward more than you look back! Look for new ways! On this journey, find new ways to rest…find new ways to refill your cup! We can't stay tired because there is a lot more work to do! Let's go!!!

 Happy New Year!

- Elgrie J.