Step Away

 September 30, 2025

Sometimes we look inwardly and focus on getting ourselves together. Some of us are privileged to have self-awareness that the conflicts you experience with others are not because of anyone other than us. Sometimes WE are the problem. And those conflicts cannot go away if we are not making time to improve. If this is you, we gotta identify the barriers we create, examine the impact, and determine possible sources of conflicts. And if you cannot be the source of the resolution you gotta be humble enough to find resources beyond you. You don't have to have all the answers to the problems in your life. You do have to be realistic enough about needing help. If that's the case for you, make the necessary changes to improve your relationships with others.

In other situations, you gotta step away because you need to go deep. There is a book called Deep Work (2016) by Cal Newport. What is deep work? Deep work is when you have the mindset in the effort to just focus on one thing…one big goal, and NOT multitasking to get it done. People talk about being committed to something and getting something done. Sadly, many people aren't really ready to do it because they don't understand or they refuse to accept the work needed to make it happen. Some musical artists have to go away when they're working on their music. They can't be bothered, they gotta be focused. They can't let anything else distract them. Deep work means being really committed to the project and giving it time in concentration.

To me, it means barricading myself in a room, all of my snacks and everything that I need to get to work. This allows me to get into the zone and get the work done. I know if I’m not intentional with the big projects, they will remain just ideas. They will be part of my idea graveyard that is full of goals that will remain indefinitely incomplete…a what-if that will remain a what-if…I don’t like leaving missions incomplete. So, that means there are times I gotta step away, please don't take it personally. It's not you, it's me!

Make a way to do the deep work

Everyone you know may not understand your reasons for stepping away and that's okay. They are not you. They may not know what is required to do what you need to do, so that you can get to a place where you can thrive…to get to a place where simply surviving is not the end goal. The journey might not be easy. It's probably going to be a lot of unexpected roadblocks in your journey to get to the place you need to be, but don't be discouraged, stay focused and get it done. I'll see you on the other side!

 

Your fan,
Elgrie J.

The Hardest Goodbye

August 29, 2025

“...Gotta be all about me before I'm all about you
If I don't take care of me, I'm no good to you…

 …I can't sacrifice my feelings no morе
Gotta be careful who I let through that door
I'm changing things around this timе, ah
I'm doing things that give peace of mind, ah
So if you're not adding to my high, ah
I'm going to have to tell you goodbye…” – P.J. Morton

In the summer of 2025, I found a song that embodies the concept of the foundation of self-care. In 2022, PJ Morton released My Peace. PJ Morton stresses the importance of his peace. He acknowledges that if he is not in a good head space, he is not gonna be useful to anyone. And if there are people who are hindering him from that peace, he’s gotta tell them good-bye. To some this might seem harsh, but it’s not!

When you get on an airplane they advise if the oxygen masks fall to place yours on your face before assisting the person next to you. At first glance that might not make sense. But it absolutely does. Sometimes you gotta be selfish to be helpful to others. For many people, this becomes a reality when they head off to college. That was definitely the story for me. I wanted to help others. I wanted to help those who paved the way for me; I wanted to help those who would come after me. But I needed to figure out some things first. And I could not do that without saying good-bye and doing some soul searching. 

Sometimes, it's hard to say goodbye or farewell. Why? Can I be honest?! Many of us say we want change, but change requires change. And sometimes change ruffles our feathers and our sense of normality more than we expected. If we refuse to become uncomfortable in the change, the result tends to leave us static. For some, that experience can be downright toxic. Many USA subcultures teach us to tolerate abusive relationships. It's important to recognize that abuse takes different forms. Some types of abuse include…physical, verbal, financial, emotional, spiritual, technological, and cognitive abuse (abuse of misinformation to affect how we think about things). Some of us only experience one of these types of abuse. Sadly, many of us experience multiple forms of abuse. (Sometimes at the same time!) Your story doesn't have to stay in that abusive rat race. You have options! When this happens, you gotta be willing to say goodbye to some friends, and even some family.

Unfortunately work and school environments are often not excluded from the necessary relationship space that can be toxic. School/Work goodbyes are tricky, but you may conclude that you gotta utilize them anyway. When you do, you have to keep work/school stuff as the limit of engagement. When you start pretending work people are family, you invite a false reality that does not help you thrive. This leads to you having people in your life who may do more harm than good. If someone says you are family to them, let them earn that title. Giving it away without any evidence is a recipe for drama you don’t need. Let those individuals show they can be reliable. Pretending everything is ok is a covert way to maintain a toxic relationship. We deserve better!

Lastly, remember a goodbye doesn't have to be forever…It does require the other party member in the relationship to switch up how they engage with you if they want a renewed invitation to fellowship…and if no change is offered, you gotta decide what do you value more, your relationship or your peace. I'm hoping you decide on peace. But if you don't, you gotta be at peace with enduring something that may be your demise in unexpected ways.

The bottom line is you deserve more! You deserve your humanity to be seen 24/7…you deserve the right not to expect anything less. Lean into this truth! You got this!

Be Hurd and Be seen!
-Elgrie J

 

Internal Struggle of My Love

July 31, 2025

For my Sunshine…

Nearly 5 years into our marriage and right before our daughter was born, I wrote a poem asking God if I get to keep you, my Sunshine, my wife, for more than 13 years. Does that seem silly? In the moment…maybe. I was a little nervous about all that had transpired in my life. The women that I was close to were out of my life and living their best life on the other side of eternity. My concern for the longevity of our marriage came long before I knew I would have cancer…long before I knew that I'd be laid off and take nearly a year to find work…long before that I knew money would be so tight that I couldn't even negotiate to rob Peter to give to Paul. 

Thankfully my views have changed. Approaching year 21 of marriage, I see things a little differently. I see people older than me and younger than me that look like me that I can no longer see…their bodies are 6 feet deep…Their souls are an eternity away. All of this has me thinking about the end of possibilities for you and for me. When you get married, you say, “till death do us part.” And then you get older, and you realize that you don't want death to come because we hit the end of the road when we part! We don't get to come back again! When you're a hopeless romantic, you say, “Oh I got you forever! I got you in this lifetime; I’ll have you in the next lifetime!” Then as you get older and your theology gets wiser, you realize that's not true…so what do I do?

How do I juggle with trying to be the father I need to be…being the professor that I want to be… all while wanting to end this dissertation journey quickly and swiftly?! How is it possible for everyone to be included and be validated, but for me not to fall short?! How do I get the winning ticket to bring all internal and external conflicts to an end? Somehow and somewhere, there is supposed to be time for my Sunshine and me. Somewhere between wanting to make sure the community is served, being obedient to my God, loving our children there is supposed to be time. I found it! But the amount feels so insignificant! At times I feel so selfish to want to have more time with you than any other person on this planet. Where's the playbook on how to navigate the guilt of not having more time for hurkle-durkling with you in the morning? I need the cheat code! I am sitting here often feeling like a kid at an arcade with no more quarters and the screen says GAME OVER!

What do I do with the conflict of wanting every waking moment to be with you but knowing by doing that you've become my god?! Putting my God second is not an option! It is a troubling mindset for me. How do I make sense of saying parenting is an important component in my life, but between you and parenting, I want to choose you?!  That's not right! But that's so real! What I know is that I need you! What I know is that you are the perfect embodiment of the Method Man and Mary J. Blige's song “All I Need.” At the same time, I recognize that you're not all I need!

Yet, you are an important part of what I need. And I gotta get it right! So, to get it right means to treat you right. And to treat you right means that I need to honor God right. I'm so grateful that you hold me accountable…grateful you find ways to build me up and love me unconditionally. As long as I have breath, my commitment to you is to discover new ways and lean into the restoration of the past ways that made you feel one of a kind. You need to know that you are one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me. Not just on our anniversary… not just on Valentine's Day…but every day we are privileged to wake up in the morning and open our eyes and celebrate the manifestation of the beauty of our marriage. And with this as our foundation of marriage, God will help us reign over my internal struggle, so it doesn’t get the victory.

Happy anniversary!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

You're Ready!

June 30, 2025

“I know Althea and you have prepared him. I honestly believe the most important thing that I have found is the spiritual foundation and the ability to seek help when pressure comes." – A Member of the Village

 

To My First Born:

As you begin your journey into adulthood, I want you to know that I am proud of you. I want you to know that you inspire so many. You have blessed your entire (immediate) family academically, economically, and most importantly --- spiritually. I want to be clear: You’re ready! So, here are some things I want you to remember…We have given you three names with purpose. Represent them well! You were given a nickname…it was NOT by accident! It was given because of a belief in what we believe you can be in all the things you do. It is a testament of what you will be when you embrace all that you are. Last, but not least, you got baptized! And while it might feel like a long time ago…don't forget what it means. Your life is just not your own. You are a child of God who believes Jesus died for your eternal salvation. And until your death day, you are to be the light of the world that seeks to make Jesus proud.

As you start your university experience, please remember to enjoy the experience. Enjoy the experience of getting the opportunity to figure out things in an environment that gives you the space to fail without life-altering negative consequences. I want you to take risks. You won't know all the things you're able to do or all the things you're interested in doing, without taking risks. If you aren't willing to try and take risks, you miss the opportunity to open your mind in a way you have never even dreamed of. Take risks that can make your body do things you weren't aware it could do. And while taking risks are part of going to a university, all risks ain’t good risks. If you are not sure about the risk, pray on it!

Also, remember your success is not a solo project. Your village is not here to hinder. Your village is here to empower you. Don't think that your journey does not have fans or team members to be there along the way. Your village isn’t local; your village is international! You get to lead; your village will follow!

Be true to you! Don’t deny who you are! Lean into it! Lean into studying effectively. You know what works for you when it comes to studying. You know what it takes to gain the most out of the experiences in the classroom. Lean into that. You know self-care is important. Make sure your actions align with that fact. Make sure you are taking care of your mind, your body, your soul…and know that if your soul is not where it needs to be, it's hard for your mind and your body to do what they need to do. Be real about unhealthy behaviors you already know about. Don't pretend they don't exist. When you pretend, you can't fix something that you don't acknowledge exists. If you don't acknowledge that it exists, there's no game plan for how to get better. These are the times for you to figure out what kind of person you are. Whether you want to remain satisfied with the status quo of your reality, or whether you want to evolve in your development as a young man. Please remember it’s OK to seek improvements. Give yourself grace to master new healthier habits because they won't come overnight.

My final ask: build your vision! For me, that means making time to see beyond the present. Be open to detours. Don't just put your head down in route to reaching your destinations or goals. There is so much to see! And when you make time, you give yourself the opportunity to see the possibilities that can be. So, look up! When you do, create space to enjoy the journey. And if you need a little bit of guidance, I’m only a phone call away. When you call, I’ll remind you what you already know…you got everything you need! #BeHurd ...
You’re ready!

 

Love,
Daddy

Imprisonment of a Dream

 

May 31, 2025

Some people tell you to do everything you can to achieve your dream, no matter the costs. I can see why people would push that narrative. It’s about showing your commitment…it’s about your will to sacrifice for the prize. But I have a question: What’s the point if you lose the things that made the dream worth achieving, it really a dream worth holding onto?! I get the privilege to wear many titles. I am a husband, a father, an uncle, a brother, a son, a nephew, a cousin, and a devoted friend. I value the relationships that come with these titles. And if I have to lose them for a dream, then that may not be the dream for me.

Don't let your dream trap you!

Some people are so locked in their pursuits their dream, to achieve it the dream turns into a nightmare. It does not take much debating to suggest people who are incarcerated want to be free…what’s surprising is sometimes people who are free allow their dream to isolate them so much they lose their freedom. Don't let your dream become your nightmare. Don't have tunnel vision that blocks you from the improv necessary to keep your dream alive. Don't dismiss the lifelines to your dream that appear in unorthodox ways. To dream big often requires using tools and perspectives you couldn't imagine because you were dreaming too small!

On a 2025 The Pivot podcast episode featuring Anthony Mackie the conversation moved to the topic of individual success. Anthony Mackie talked about people who are successful are often chosen…it’s not just necessarily their skills. Another interview on The Pivot podcast, they interviewed the musician Jelly Roll. The lead host is a former NFL player. He said that he was not the most talented football player and a lot of people who were more talented but succumbed to the temptations of the world. If you do not succumb to the world and the world gets to see your talents, remember you are chosen. That means use your talents, don’t waste them. That also means, don’t be selfish with your talents. You get to unlock more of your dream when you find ways to help others discover and develop theirs.

See your incomplete dream differently!

Some of you all reading this cannot relate to the idea of your dream becoming a reality. All my dreams never came  true. And there’s a good chance some of my dreams will remain an eternal dream status. This does not mean you got it all wrong. Sometimes you choose life over dreams. Sometimes you choose a purpose that outshines your dream idea even on the cloudiest days. You gotta remember that   you don't need to be imprisoned by what your dream did   not become…celebrate aspects of your dream that were not deferred. Build on what has manifested into reality and   reclaim what was deferred on your terms! Relax! Take a deep breath! Don't worry…you got this!!!

Your Dream Fan,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

Present Loss for Future Gains

 A love letter inspired by my children…

April 30, 2025

“My hope is what I can't give you now was to give you what you need in the future.” - Unknown

My kids seem surprised that I work all year. Adulting is hard. It is such an honor to be able to serve my wife and my children with my ability to teach. With that comes the challenge of finding The Sweet Spot in working quality time with family and self-care. It's hard to get it right. It's hard not to let what you want your family to have supersede the need to appreciate what they already have. Some days I get it right. Some days I get it wrong.

My constant ask of my kids is for them to forgive me. If you are a parent reading this, maybe you will get my struggle. I wanna give them more so they can do more with less. I want my children to be able to see the benefits of what we did for their children…and if they're so privileged, their children's children. I want to create a legacy of spiritual, academic, and financial wealth. If that can be created, then then maybe we got it right…and even though there was some discomfort in the process, the hope is that one day my children will see the reason why. The hope is that my impact was lined with my intentions, and a little Grace is given by my children to me.

So if I get it all wrong, I hope that my intentions are close to my impact. I hope that my children can see what I was trying to do. On the other hand, maybe they won’t understand…Maybe this blog is just an excuse to come up short and not be held accountable. Maybe it is it and ask them to move on. I am not really sure how it's all going to play out. What I know is this: I love them! I only want the best for them and that's always been at the center of what I do…At the same time, I only get one shot at this parenting thing…and sometimes I don’t get the luxury to sacrifice the present for the benefit of the future.

Where is the sweet spot? I don't know. My hope is that my delay in learning the perfect mix of preparing for the future versus living in the now does not do more harm than good. And if my children get the privilege to become parents, my constant prayer is that a foundation was built for them to learn from my pain and offer parenting in a way that I dreamed of becoming a reality.

A father who is always learning,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

This Ain't No Solo Project

March 31, 2025

Changing the world ain't no solo project! - Unknown

Ms. Avery is here for the team!

I got the privilege of meeting Ms. Avery. Before she became a teenager, she had already served jail time for the rights so many of us take for granted. And more than 60 years later she's still at it. Why? Because social charge ain't no solo project. She understands fighting for the betterment of humanity does not have a retirement plan. It's a lifetime contract! Many of us are in breach of our contract to better humanity. Because of these acts of insubordination, others can't complete their roles to better humanity. We gotta do better!

The privilege of being a professor who teaches dual credit students is that I get to interact with teenagers and get perspectives that others have been disconnected from for decades. It's important because teenagers are not simply the future, they're the present and the future they are the today and the tomorrow. It's important that we hold on to that perspective. A lot of high school students taking college courses (or just high school students in general) have this misconception that their success is a solo project. They have this belief that they must do everything on their own and they should never have to ask for help. The logic is if they need help, then they're doing it wrong. To anyone reading this: if you've ever felt this way, I am here to tell you that’s a bold-face-lie! It means the collective has failed you! (Sometimes our egos are part of the failure.)

Here’s the truth: success is far from a solo project. When I think about my dissertation process and how overwhelming it has been at times. It is most overwhelming when I forget that my dissertation is not a solo process. My dissertation is a team project. I might be the face of the dissertation; my name might be the author, but there are so many others moving behind the scenes to make sure that I can get to the finish line. There is my dissertation chair…she is as cool as the other side of the pillow AND a rockstar! She helps me see through the fog of this dissertation journey and reminds me I'm not as far off as I thought, no matter how much doubt is trying to control the intricacies of my thought process. When I think about my household…my Hurd 3rd Crew, I find peace. Leading the way, in my beautiful bride, My Sunshine, who sacrifices so much. She creates space so that I can have the quiet time to be able to write and reflect in a manner that allows me to continue along with this process. My kids give me Grace and are extremely patient in their willingness to rearrange dates that are already scheduled with them. There are countless others who are also part of my support system. My support system understands that I can't do it all by myself because this ain't no solo project.

So, what does this mean for you? What does this mean for the individual who is busting their chops and feeling like they're doing it wrong? Well part of the challenge is being willing to say, “Hey! I need help!” Another part of the challenge is recognizing that you are the face of your success, but you alone do not make your success. So, what are you gonna do? How much are you willing to adjust your mindset and recognize that you need people?

When we think about the state of the world…when we think about the state of the United States and we think about all the polarizing things that are dividing us, we gotta find a starting point. If the ultimate goal for this country is to find any type of real healing, we must embrace that making that a reality ain’t no solo project. One person is not going to save the nation…one person is not going to fix it all. It’s gonna take a (national) team effort!

The acronym T.E.A.M. stands for together everyone achieves more. So, if people want to team up with you, let them! If you think you gotta be solo, think again! The small things and the societal-changing things are a team project. Remember, life isn't meant to be done alone!

Your teammate,
Elgrie J. Hurd III