March 31, 2019
March
is Women's Herstory month. It is a time that encourages the world to honor
women (even though people should honor women all year long). My movie watching
this month started with watching Captain Marvel (2019) with one of my
daughters; I ended this month watching The Darkest Minds (2018). Both
films taught me valuable lessons about the dangers of being overprotective
male, and not listening to the voices of the women in your life. These messages
are not new to me. But as a parent, I am able to appreciate them so much more
now.
I
have four (4) daughters; one born into my family and three were inherited as
Goddaughters. As a father I hope to
protect my daughters from harm and support their dreams. There are times when I
have good intentions to help.
Unfortunately, sometimes my efforts to help do more harm than good. In
these moments I have forgotten the lessons taught by wife and those who have
been like mothers to me.
My
wife has a passion for mothers. She is constantly pushing to make the voices of
mothers known, including her own. Medically, socially, economically, and
spiritually we tend to ignore the voice of mothers. Sadly, it is not just
mothers, but the voices of women tend to be muted or dismissed. I have seen and
read about some of the dangerous consequences of women being muted and/or
dismissed. As a man, my wife has shown me how I have been an unknowing
accomplice to barriers created for women and girls. And if my desire is to
change the role I play in this, I have to put all of my views and actions under
the microscope... I must be willing to create short-term and long-term plans of
action.
My
daughters deserve better. I need to accept my daughters' views as important,
even if they are different from mine. I cannot assume about their interests; I
need to investigate. That means letting them talk (or text) about their world
and actively listening. I need to be willing to participate in their interests
with enthusiasm, even if it puts me outside my own comfort zone. This also
means for me to be willing to own my efforts that create barriers for my
daughters and seek forgiveness. I want them to see my status in their lives
does not negate my need to be held responsible.
My
mother died when I was 14…God gave me a lot of mothers to fill the void of not
having mine. He gave me My grandmother, aunts, one special lady (SG), and high
school administrators. These women revised my understanding of strength and
toughness.
In my experiences with all my mothers, I was taught how tough mothers can be. Such a heavy burden is given to them. And all the mothers I knew, no matter the odds that were against them, found a way. From the men in their lives they needed space to do their thing more than anything else.
My
mothers taught me some other valuable lessons too...
● The toughness of the women in
my life were not the exception...that toughness is the norm
● Taught me the complexity of
being a woman and mother. To be completely honest I'm only scratching the tip
of the iceberg of the complexity. I
still don't have it all
March is women's herstory month. It would be problematic of me to celebrate and listen to women for only 31 days of the year. Supporting the women and girls in your life cannot be taken lightly; it cannot be done haphazardly... there must be daily intentionality in your efforts. To the self-identifying males...
● We need to listen
● We need to own our biases as
males
● We need to create a platform
to amplify the voices of women
● How you promoting the
her-stories in your life?!
So,
what will be your contribution to her-stories in your life?!
