It Shouldn't Matter

It Shouldn't Matter

February 28, 2020

Let me reintroduce myself...my name is Elgrie Jones Hurd III. I am a professor of psychology and sociology at a community college. This is not how I usually introduce myself. Yet, there are times I do choose to introduce myself this way because it allows me to be recognized...recognized as a human that requires respect.

Just a reminder...
I'm HELLA BLACK in February.
I got a shirt made to help people out!

February is Black History Month. It was designed as a reminder of how Black people in the United States (and the world) have contributed in a meaningful way. Somehow some misconceptions have happened along the way. One misconception is that Black History Month is only for Black people. Another misconception is that February is the only month to celebrate Black people. Black history is American history; Black history is world history. Recognizing Black people should be done every day of every month. And because Black people are often not recognized as humans, hashtags like #BlackLivesMatter are still relevant.

One of the reasons people use #BlackLivesMatter is because throughout the world, especially in the United States, if you identify (or are identified) as Black there is often a second-class/inhuman treatment that comes along with Blackness. The criminal justice system, the educational system, the entertainment system...any system that exists tends to belittle the worth of the Black experience. #BlackLivesMatter is about equity not equality. Equality means everyone has an equal opportunity. Equality assumes everyone starts off with the same resources (or starting point). We do not live in a world of equality. We do not all start off with the same resources. Equity seeks to create resources to close the gaps that prevent equality from becoming a reality. Hashtags like #AllLivesMatter and #BlueLivesMatter misses the point that #BlackLivesMatter seeks to be inclusive. Until #BlackLivesMatter, a concept #AllLivesMatter is a false statement. Our current state of affairs in the USA shows that Blacks do not matter. Therefore, all lives don’t matter!

Kelvin B. Givens IV,
 also known as "K4"

Earlier in February, the world lost Kelvin Givens, IV. He was a mentee of mine. Someone who was a participant in a workforce training program I used to work for. He died unexpectedly. He was barely 22. I went to the visitation service to pay my respect to his family and him. I even spoke to his family about the impact he had on me. So many people, from all walks of life came to speak of his awesomeness. They all spoke about how their lives were better by knowing him. He was not an inventor; he was not a celebrity; he was a Black man who shined in a way that benefited others. That is NOT why he mattered. He was also a son, a brother, a nephew, cousin, a grandson, and a friend. He existed!!! And that’s why he mattered.

Black History is every day!

Do you know Remi Berriola, Rahyem Hood, Laurine Miles, Romeo Young, Larry Mimms, Esau Johnson, Chandra Joy Shirley, Ida Lee Johnson, or Joan Williams???? I do...I bet if you are not Black, you know someone who identifies as Black. They don't have to be famous. Their existence alone is enough to matter. The only thing that should matter is that the individual is a person. But for this to become a reality, all of us must contribute to validating Black people from all walks of life…Black people with various viewpoints. I challenge every person who reads this to help Black lives matter. I challenge every person who reads this to make time to celebrate Black lives near you. Dr. Seuss wrote “[a] person is a person, no matter how small.” I would like to add to this quote. A person should matter no matter their skin tone; no matter how Black they are. #BlackLivesMatter #IAmCauseWeAe

- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd III, M.A., A.B.D.

No Strings Attached

Dedicated to my Hurd 3rd Crew…

February 1, 2020

My eldest's first recital

January 26th is one of my favorite days of the year. It is my firstborn's birthday. 2020, he turned 13. I wanted to make it special. My son is a simple kid. He did not ask for much. So, I gave him what he wanted, plus a road trip with his maternal grandfather and me. For the whole trip it was all about him. He even got some say in our musical choices for the 6-hour road trip.

On the way back home, my wife sent my son a text. My son said, "Mommy said turn the radio onto a sports radio station.” I did not want to decipher through her coded message, so I called her. She told me some sad news had happened; Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash. Later I learned his 13-year-old daughter was on the plane too, as well as 7 other people.

Esau exchanging baking ideas with a professional chef

I thought I would process this as a fan of hoops and a father. Turns out, I processed it only as a father. My appreciation of Kobe Bryant was never about basketball; it was always about his mentality to achieve. It was about his Mamba Mentality; his never quit mentality even when he had nothing left to give. As my kids got older, I read articles and heard interviews with Kobe Bryant. The longer I was parent, the more my appreciation grew regarding his mentality toward wanting to be a better husband; my appreciation grew as it related to his efforts as a father. As I learn more of what did (after his passing), he reminded me of some things…

James Robert tells a story

We don't get to choose how our kids love us. We should not strive to live our dreams through our kids, or think they have to embrace what brought us joy in our lives. As parents, especially as fathers, we need to embrace the moments we get to share with our children.

I have 4 children; 3 boys and 1 girl. I also have 3 goddaughters. Most of them are not into sports like I am. I used to be a little jaded about that. Then I realized what they did for me. They have taught me new things about myself by embracing who they are. Whether it is fashion, acting, singing, martial arts, construction vehicles, poetry, writing, drawing, painting, mythology, comic books, dystopian books, or just being silly. By celebrating who they are I have unlocked a piece of myself I did not know existed (or I had forgotten existed). Daily, they remind me of the privilege of being a parent; of being a dad.

Klarc Joy Vida modeling her fashion design

Fight with all you have to help them see and be the greatness that is within them. Fight for them without a guilt trip. Your children should not feel guilty that you sacrificed for them. They should feel honored and loved by your sacrifice. They should know you do it because you want to; you do it because they are worth it (and then some). Fight because you have been given the opportunity to be a parent. It is a privilege everyone does not get. So, keep fighting.

For those of us that have children, our legacy is in how our children remember us, not how we think we should be remembered. What I want my kids to know is how much I love them; how privileged and blessed I am to be their father...and that I'm here, with no strings attached.

The entire Hurd 3rd Crew children (for now)

Kobe was unapologetically committed to his wife and daughters. He poured all that he had into them everyday like each day was his last. I respect that; I plan to do the same. What type of mentality will you live by?!

  -       Elgrie J.