Monday, December 27, 2021

Ain't Got the Time

December 27, 2021

Clipart stating Mission: Possible
Don't let the desire for perfection blind you from the possible

As I approach the start of a new decade in this life of mine, I'm getting better at being grateful for the timing of things. Issa Rae was right on time with her series finale episode of Insecure. The episode hit close to home. The idea of living in some aspect of a dream-future often seems out of reach. And too often we make the mistake of thinking it was not meant to be because the dream is not exactly how we pictured it. But that’s life! It’s not always going to be perfect. That doesn’t mean it can’t be ideal…it does not mean your dream cannot become your reality.

One way to miss out on your dreams becoming a reality is allowing certain conversations/relationships to be part of your life. At this point, I'm OK muting unnecessary conversations/relationships. My soul, my hopes, and my health need to be maintained to be able to reach my dreams. And some conversations/relationships are detrimental to those things. Being loyal or feeling guilty are not acceptable reasons to stay engaged with a conversation/relationship. Too many people wanna be heard…too few wanna be accountable or verify if their input is actually helpful. I ain't got time for that, anymore.

I'm OK ending some conversations before they even start. Conversations upholding ideologies like racism, sexism, xenophobia, and homophobia are things I
do not need to engage in. Hate being masked as a correction with intentions rooted in love is a hard pass for me! I ain't got time for the clickbait! There is no need for me to engage in a dialogue that is not rooted in love, empathy, and/or a desire to understand the cultural context of others. What we say (and how we say it) matters. I seek to leave the world better than I found it. Conversations that ignore this idea are not a priority for me!

Clipart of alarm clock
It's time to evaluate your time
I'm OK accepting my priorities will not appease everyone. My order of priorities are as follows: my God, my wife, my kids, my dreams, and everything else. At this point I'm not looking for consultations on how to rearrange them. I am not looking for people's approval or understanding of my dreams or my strategies. It's nothing personal. I value feedback. I also value the ability to accept it or reject it. Everyone does not fit my criteria to offer me meaningful feedback (and I'm learning to be OK with that). 

I ain’t got the time for the unnecessary. If I am being honest, that was always the case. I am finally wise enough to accept this truth.  What about you?!



Be well!
-Elgrie J.

Friday, November 26, 2021

Just Pause

 

November 26, 2021


"Drive slow homie!" - The artist formerly known as Kanye West

 

The pandemic has put a lot of our lives on pause. It has sent many of us in two directions. One direction is to re-evaluate our lives and make meaningful changes. The other direction some of us have tried to cling to is to operate like nothing has changed. I am guilty of this, and it has proven to not work. It hasn't worked because things aren't the same. I'm in grad school (again 🙄), teaching face-to-face and online in a pandemic, husband duties, daddy duties, and community obligations. To adjust I took a quasi-break from social media. I didn't post online. I didn't read a whole lot on social media. And to my surprise I didn't miss much. It was a good pause from things.

 

Pause button clip art
It's OK to pause from things in your
life to get right
That good pause wasn't enough! My pause needed to be more than on social media...I gotta be OK saying no...I gotta be OK focusing on me...focusing on what matters. When I applied to DBU's Ph.D. in Leadership Studies I wrote how I was willing to remove myself from fellowships and not take on a bunch of new obligations. I gotta confess, it is easier said than done. Most of my life I've wrapped my mind around being an overachiever. But, the COVID pandemic became part of my reality, and my mentality of achieving A's in all aspects of my life was now a problem. When your obligations exceed your bandwidth to maintain your overachiever mentality what do you do? You change for success or fail in stagnation. I realized I had to reflect on the lessons of my ancestors and elders for my next steps.

 

I am a descendant of people who did so much with so little. For my ancestors and elders the odds have never been in their favor in the United States. To be Black in the United States is a great paradox. The institutions are made to exclude those who are bequeathed Black bodies. Yet, the will of those in Black bodies combined with some Divine intervention made the impossible possible. So, I gotta do my part. This includes setting better boundaries and adhering to them. It also means when I've done my part to move out the way and let God do the rest. I gotta make room in my circumstances to let God do His Thing. I'm learning to attempt to control less, so He can control more.

 

I'm embracing pressing pause on the things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's a work in progress I cannot neglect. The negative consequences are too severe. Now I understand when you pause from the distractions, you un-pause living! I plan to live in a more meaningful way. That's my plan. What about you?!


Be well!

-       Elgrie J

Saturday, July 31, 2021

The Simple Things

July 31, 2021

A public love letter to My Sunshine...


Our story is full of simple things. A simple comment about Black beauty. A simple touch. A simple slice of pizza. I had no idea that a simple exchange in words would help me discover the best friend I've ever had (outside of Jesus).
My Sunshine & Me

Maybe my first gift for my Sunshine should have been a foreshadow clue on how some things would play out in our marriage. I created a candygram. That was a big deal for me. It was the first time I had made one! The candygram was full of messages telling you how you were a sweet tart and how I was a zero without you. It was a micro of my expression of love and appreciation...I didn't do grandiose...I did do intentional things from the heart.

17 years into this marriage, I'm still just a simple guy. Just give me my Jesus, my Sunshine, my kids, and some quality root beer and I'm good to go. Yet, somehow you found ways to expand my simplicity. Whether it is you tightening my locs, sharing meals, home schooling our Hurd 3rd Crew, or the peace your random, unexpected hugs bring me. Thank you for the simple discoveries.

Love "Sunday Morning"
In the 17 years of us being married, you took what we started when we courted into one of the greatest gifts of all-time. You showed me to be simply me, no matter who is around. That was/is hard. To be vulnerable to you and the world was/is scary. Prior to meeting you my vulnerability was exploited. You made it my superpower! It helped me at work to connect with people like no one else could...It helped me be a better parent. Showing my kids that their superhero sometimes falls short (and his human) was one of the greatest gifts you have given me (that keeps on giving).


So, is there more for us to do and learn? ABSOLUTELY!!! 17 years in, and we are just getting started! At age 17, we were far from having things figured out. Why would 17 years into a marriage be any different?! I hope we continue to have excitement to do things we have done; travel to places we have never seen. I hope we get to grow in Jesus in ways we never knew we could. And if for some reason all of these things are not part of future chapters of our story, I hope we do as much as we can until our story on this side of infinity ends.
It's the simple things!

I love you more now than I did when we first got married. I’m looking forward to my love for your deepening even more...I’m looking forward to all the little things to come!

"Thank you for this journey, no matter how it ends."

- Elgrie J.


Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Run it Back!

 June 30, 2021

I’ll never forget December 6, 2019. That was the date on the letter from the university where I was working on my dissertation (virtually). That was when I learned my dissertation chair had given up on me. My university had given up on me. The letter informed me that I was no longer allowed to continue with my doctoral studies. For nearly 6 months I fought the decision. I made phone calls, I sent emails, I submitted appeals. No matter the efforts, the results were the same: my doctoral journey was over. And that fact weighed heavy on me.

Academic failure was not something I had experienced before...not like this. I had to weigh the
consequences of how I wanted to proceed. I already knew that in some Ph.D. programs, over 66% of the students do not finish. As a matter of fact, less than 2% of the 332 million people in the USA have a Ph.D. But what I did not realize was how much I didn't know. I did not know it mattered that your dissertation chair needed to be your biggest fan at the university, or how much power a dissertation chair had on making or breaking your success. I underestimated the red flags encouraging me to find a new program long before my demise came. I let my pride lead my decision to keep pushing even when I felt I was alone in my fight to finish my dissertation. I always tell my kids Hurds don’t quit! And while it can be a great mantra, it can also be a blinder to facilitate an unnecessary loss. For me, it became the latter.

A silhouette of a two-people playing basketball
I’m grateful for the persistence I developed
playing hoops with my big brother
.

I don't like losing. That desire not to lose started at an early age. In basketball I would lose to my big brother...again, again, and again. I would keep telling him to run it back. I wanted a redo until I won. I didn't always win. But when I did, it was enough to handle the losses...But when people tried to suggest to me to run it back as it related to trying again to get a Ph.D., it was a no-go. I was done! I didn't want to be a number…I didn’t want to be a cash cow for another university. I didn't want to do all the work again with no assurance I was going to have different results. It all boiled down to the fact that I was not sure if I was good enough. I gave my all. I gave up so much and had nothing to show. (To be fair, I walked away with my second master’s. I know for some that’s a victory. But to be nearly two chapters into a dissertation, it was hard to see and accept that victory).

A year after #ProjectDissertation came to an end, thoughts of wanting to finish what I started resurfaced. It also left me in a quandary: With a Ph.D. or without a Ph.D. I can teach at community colleges (my career original goal), so why try again? I got slammed with a lot of different perspectives to that inquiry. A mentor encouraged me not to be overcome by imposter syndrome. My past failures do not determine my potential future success. A friend said, “It's not about you!” He reminded me of some of my reasons that got me started to attempt a Ph.D. program in the first place...I wanted to increase access, so more voices could be heard. I wanted to help coach the leadership of organizations up or help those in leadership roles transition out. My wife was the nail in the coffin. She helped me acknowledge that maybe this was all part of God’s Purpose for my life. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe I had to lose to get it right. In the end they were ALL right.

A group of students  posing for a cohort group photo
 My first day in my journey as part of Cohort XVII
Eventually I stopped moping around and started moving on. After a lot of research, I chose Dallas Baptist University (DBU). I chose DBU because it is different (and better) than my previous university. I found a better support system within the university. A university whose priority is a belief I can actually finish what I started. DBU offered me administrators, a department chair, full-time faculty, a cohort of peers, and alumni who are fully committed. Last, but not least, DBU is a place where I do not need to explain the urgency of my research focusing on Jesus and leadership of Protestant churches. I did not know how much all those things mattered for my success, but they do!

I don't know how this story ends, but I'm gonna run this back! Win or lose...I'm ready to give God (The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit) the glory for the opportunity. I'm all but done! I hope those reading this will find ways to support my efforts. For those who join me, together we WILL run it back!

 

Elgrie J. Hurd, III
- Doctoral Student, Leadership Studies Program,
Gary Cook School of Leadership, Dallas Baptist University

Friday, May 7, 2021

The Cost of Change

May 7, 2021

 "Use it!" – Blade: Trinity (2004)

The first week of May is Teacher Appreciation Week in the United States of America. This year, many parents/guardians showed up and showed out in their appreciation of teachers. Teachers and schools’ staff are finally starting to be recognized. For many teachers, not even a pandemic or lack of support stopped them from creating space for students to learn. So, where do we go from here? When the good feelings about teachers begin to wane, and the gratitude turns into expectations of what should be, what then? Is that real change? No! It costs more!

Phrases like social justice and real/meaningful change have become buzz words in a new effort to restore humanity to the human experience (for all). But words alone are not enough. That means creating a social media platform to raise awareness isn't enough...sharing a news story isn't enough...Blogging isn't enough. These can all be good starts, but we gotta find a way to do more. Too often we compare our baby steps towards change to those who do nothing at all. This allows us to suggest to ourselves that we are doing something on a gargantuan scale. (I can say I am guilty of this behavior). In these moments we naively misunderstand the cost of change in its entirety. In these same moments we can foolishly think we cannot be part of the problem because we did something to fight against the status quo of oppressing other humans. Au contraire! Change is not simple; it is more complex. We gotta go beyond words. We gotta live it out.

Jellyfish syndrome is the concept of people having good intentions but do more harm in their actions than good. Whether is one is woke, naïve, or in denial, we all can create additional problems in our efforts to end problems. Hence, that doesn't mean you can only be part of the problem or part of the solution...you can be both! We must be careful not to mix up barriers to change with the cost of change. We need to know the difference. We need to be real about the cost of change. Change doesn't come free. You gotta be willing to educate yourself. You have to be willing to acknowledge the problems that are there and the role(s) you play towards those problems. If we don't name the problems that block change, we cannot be held accountable for our parts that contribute to the problems. So, while the United States is trying to move past the pandemic, our educational system is stuck. It’s stuck because as a nation we did not fix what was already broken, and we have not addressed the new problems in education that have manifested.

To fix any societal ills (education or otherwise), we all gotta sacrifice. We all must lose something that matters to us! We all gotta be willing to be inconvenienced consistently! Consistently, we must be willing to correct our behavior. We must hold people in our sphere of influence accountable, consistently. We ALL must sacrifice our time to invest in something greater than ourselves. In 2021, this is STILL not embraced by the collective. And that’s one reason real change for the better is continuously NOT happening in education. It can’t just be some of us. It has to be ALL of us!

I'm not a weightlifter, but I have heard you need pain to get the muscle gain you desire. Muscles grow by muscles being broken. Once they are broken, they can be repaired stronger than they were. I do know a little about distance running. All distance runners endure some type of pain to reach success. The Olympic and competitive marathon runners are no different. The fastest distance runners perfectly mix discipline and endurance of pain better than any other runners. They understand the cost of winning is pain, so they pay the price. To make education better is not a pain-free process. Pain is part of price of change. It's important to make sure the burden of that pain is not just for a few. When this happens, change is likely to be temporary. Education in the United States (and throughout the world) needs meaningful, helpful, and empowering change that will last!

Change cost; choose wisely. Good change is painful, but it's worth it! Sometimes the payoff comes quickly...many times the payoff is slow to generate. Don't be discouraged, be patient. It's coming! So, who's ready to mix their endurance and pain to win the race of change?! Our students of the present (and future) are depending on you! 

-Professor H.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

The Paradox of my Black Body

April 14, 2021 

Prof. H. contemplating
My heart is heavy! I feel like it's always heavy. A lot more pain has occurred since last year with little to no progress. I'm discouraged, but I'm not hopeless. I have resilience in my DNA, so I'm not done fighting for change. I'm still here! My body is ready...my mind is not. My mind is caught in a time loop. This loop is a problem.

I was reminded of the importance of addressing the times I get in a stuck mindset when I watched Two Distant Strangers (2020). The film reminded me...

    ●  If I follow directions, I'm in danger!!!

    ●  If I do not follow directions, I'm in danger!!!

    ●  The existence in my skin...my melanin…my Black body's existence makes me dangerous. My existence puts me in danger of not getting home to my wife and kids.

 

The existence of my body shoves me to live in a state of "what if trauma?" There's no formula to ensure

Prof. H. thinking
my safety...no formula to ensure I'll return to my family. I'm being asked to trust a system that emotionally feels like I'm playing Russian Roulette every time I engage the system. I have to defy my biology. Reject it!!! My fight-or-flight system is ready to flee. Fighting gets me death...flight is death. Yet, there is no training to equip me for the alternative. No lifeline to rescue me. Sometimes I feel like all I have is just hope in some what-ifs…

         What if my body is humanized?

         What if my skin is legitimized as mattering?

         What if I don't have to get to my family by any means necessary?


My body is a threat even to people who look like me. So where does that leave me? Until collectively my skin is validated...until my body is not perceived as a threat...until ending my life as a solution to the existence of my Black body is no longer an option...don't tell me it will be OK...please don't attempt to de-escalate my trauma by telling me we will get there eventually. The reality is my Black body might not get to the destination of being humanized until all life is removed from my Black body...that's a trauma mere words and hope cannot heal.

 

A Black body seeking humanized recognition,
- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Monday, March 29, 2021

I Just Want You to be Proud of Me

March 29, 2021

Althea doing carpentry work
Althea working on another project!
I don’t know a lot about Tito Lopez. I do know that his musical existence has been burned into my memory bank because of my friend’s relationship with his mother. My friend has a close relationship with his mother. She is his ace boon coon. For the most part, no matter what is going on, he makes time for her. Often, we will be hanging out and then I hear his phone playing Mama Proud by Tito Lopez as his ringtone. The part he has as his ringtone repeats “I just want my mama to be proud of me. I just want my mama to be proud of me.” When that happens, our conversation pauses, and his son duty calls. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, because his relationship with his mother is the embodiment of that song’s chorus.

The relationship dynamics I have/had with the mother figures in my life are a little different, but the desire to honor them is the same. They pushed me to not let where I come from determine where I was going. Most importantly, they wanted me to represent them in all that I do. By doing that, I learned I was representing the collective, not just myself. I take pride in seeking to bring honor to mothers I have/had my life. Thankfully, they all confirmed on this side of eternity that I did honor them well.

My efforts to bring honor to women did not stop with those who helped raise me. Recently, I watched a YouTube video of Nas writing a letter to Destiny (Dear Destiny). As the video develops you realize that all Nas wants is for Destiny to be proud of him. I can relate to Nas. I live with a queen and a warrior princess...Althea and Klarc Joy. I take great joy cheering them for their unique versions of Black excellence.

Madam Vice President KJV
Madam VP dressed to change the world

Over the years I have seen them both find new things to thrive in. In the recent past, Althea became an expecting mother-to-be one-stop empowerment hub for pregnant women. For Klarc Joy, her thing was fashion and art. Times have changed; their creative energies have found new things to explore. Althea has become the little-carpenter-that-could. If she can think it, she has made it. Headboard, benches, hotel for Guinea pigs, tables, bathroom cubby...YOU NAME IT! (Yes, it is that serious.) Klarc Joy is becoming an activist for the collective. As Madam Vice President of her school, she continuously finds practical ways to reestablish community in a pandemic, and actually implementing them. As their cheerleader, I am amazed and inspired. The ladies of royalty in my house remind me that it is not a requirement for you to remain stagnant in your purpose or talent. Yet, to embrace this premise requires courage. It takes courage to try new things. It requires an unyielding persistence to become good at those new things. These two are doing that, and they are only getting started!

I hope to continue to be inspired by the ladies of my life so they can continually be proud of me.

The Biggest Cheerleader of the Hurd 3rd Crew Ladies of Royalty,

- Elgrie J.

 

Sunday, February 28, 2021

My PSA for DEI

February 28, 2021

For some, Black History Month comes to an end on February 28th (February 29th on leap year). And for some it's the end of the efforts to embrace diversity. Some expect a pat on the back for doing the right thing. Some even expect a free pass for future wrongdoings because they partied on the diversity bandwagon. I have been doing work tied to diversity for nearly 20 years. For the last 3 years I have had the privilege to teach psychology, sociology, counseling, and leadership classes in the capacity of a full-time professor. Every time I teach, I intentionally seek to imbed diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) concepts in my classes because it matters...I'm not here for the applause; I'm here to work because it needs to be done. I'm here to do the work because I can!

I'm here to help make DEI a tangible reality. I'll lead, organize, and educate. When I am hired in the various capacities centered around DEI, there are some important things to keep in mind…

     #1) Hiring me doesn't should not end an organization's efforts of diversity, equity, and inclusion.

     #2) I do not know everything regarding DEI, nor am I required to.

     #3) Diversity and inclusion is NOT about being politically correct. It IS about empathy and recognizing humanity in everyone.

Celebrate diversity image
Think bigger when it comes to DEI

The burden of DEI is something for all of us to do. Participation in DEI is not like passing your driver's license test or getting a degree from a college/university...it's not a one-time thing. To do it right requires a lifetime commitment. It requires doing work AND being accountable. Being accountable AND having empathy. It requires you to not accept the mindset of jellyfish syndrome. (Jellyfish syndrome is a mindset of having good intentions but doing more harm than good.) This blog does not serve as your education on DEI issues. This is a public service announcement.

Each of us has to accept we can be part of the problem and part of the solution at the exact same time. Each of us needs to seek to offer more effort to the solution rather than the problem. Accountability matters. And being an ally is a step in the right direction, but it's not the end-all-be-all. It is part of the lifetime journey to empower the voices and stories that have been systemically AND systematically denied.

#AlliesWanted in this fight. Will you join the fight?

In Solidarity,
Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

 

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Confessions of Being a Dad

 

January 26, 2021


Dedicated to my first-born who started it all, and my sons who have come after...

 

James & Daddy

I absolutely love being a dad. It is one of the things I constantly thank God for on a daily basis. I love my kids. I even like my kids. I know those are no small feats. And in this pandemic, I am learning that my dynamic is not universal.


While I love being a dad, becoming one was one of the most frightening things to consider. A constant battle in my mind was... what if I get wrong? Unfortunately, that is still a daily struggle. Thankfully, doubt seems to be losing each round lately. For me, I seek to be a daddy that is different from the negative stereotypes. Not because it is uncommon, but because it is the right thing to do. I often write these blogs with a focus on my daughters. This time I decided to focus on my sons.

There is so much on the line to get it right as a dad of a son. I want my sons to be free of seeing toxic masculinity modeled by the men in their life (including by me). I want them to know when they see me cry, that is OK, and it does not make them less of a cisgender male. I want them to know it is not a form of weakness to be vulnerable and transparent. I try to be intentional in allowing my sons to see me in these moments and offering commentary because it matters.

Esau & Daddy

It is important for my sons to know that I do make mistakes. I seek to model for them that not only do mistakes happen, but we should find ways to be accountable and learn from them. At the same time, I want my sons to know that effort and discipline are not enough to get the results we desire. I want them to know that we live in a very broken world, full of broken people and unjust policies that often reinforce the brokenness. It is not right; it is not fair; it is reality. Hence, part of the journey for success is navigating with the right awareness and the right support systems. Another part of the journey is finding ways to address the brokenness in a way that benefits others who are denied opportunities.


And with all that I want for them, I know I can be a barrier to things I want for them. In my efforts to protect them from pain I experienced, I forget the positive life-altering things that came with the pain of my past. In an effort to encourage safety, I unintentionally suffocate their dreams and imagination. My hope is that my shortcomings do not cause my sons to become their own dream killers. My mistakes do not have to be their mistakes. In fact, I hope they would do like I did…hold onto the things my dad did/does well and improve on the things he did not.

 

Mighty & Daddy
All of the things I have shared in this blog post are important for me to share with my sons. But none of it compares to the importance of their souls. I want my sons to have the opportunity to find peace and glory on the other side of eternity. I want them to know who their Heavenly Father is...what He has done and continues to do for our family. I want them to know (as much that is humanly possible) the depth of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for them. I do not want their understanding to be limited to what they read; I want them to see it in me. I want them to see it in my prayers with them and my actions around them. I want their measuring stick of success to not be defined by me, but by the blueprint Jesus laid out for us. As a dad who seeks to serve Christ, following Jesus is the greatest legacy to my sons. If this legacy is embraced at some level by sons, my parenting to them is not a failure. Only time will tell. Until time reveals the final product, I will continue to pray and love on them relentlessly.

 

Let love rule!
- Elgrie J./Daddy (to my kids)

About Me

My photo
I am all about being HURD! This blog was created to tell my story; the good, the bad and the ugly. Hopefully the posts will motivate, educate, and empower others to find ways to leave this planet better than when it was given to them. If you are interested in supporting this blog, please follow me. I am available for speaking engagements and training workshops anywhere in the United States of America (and abroad). If you are interested in me as a presenter or supporting in other ways, I can be reached via email at EnvisionYourSuccessDFW@gmail.com. #ProjectTheCure #EnvisionYourSuccess #ProjectDissertation