August 29, 2025
“...Gotta
be all about me before I'm all about you
If
I don't take care of me, I'm no good to you…
Gotta
be careful who I let through that door
I'm
changing things around this timе, ah
I'm
doing things that give peace of mind, ah
So
if you're not adding to my high, ah
I'm
going to have to tell you goodbye…” – P.J. Morton
In the summer of 2025, I found a song that
embodies the concept of the foundation of self-care. In 2022, PJ Morton
released My Peace. PJ Morton stresses the
importance of his peace. He acknowledges that if he is not in a good head
space, he is not gonna be useful to anyone. And if there are people who are
hindering him from that peace, he’s gotta tell them good-bye. To some this might
seem harsh, but it’s not!
When you get on an airplane they advise if the oxygen masks fall to place yours
on your face before assisting the person next to you. At first glance that
might not make sense. But it absolutely does. Sometimes you gotta be selfish to
be helpful to others. For many people, this becomes a reality when they head
off to college. That was definitely the story for me. I wanted to help others.
I wanted to help those who paved the way for me; I wanted to help those who
would come after me. But I needed to figure out some things first. And I could
not do that without saying good-bye and doing some soul searching.
Sometimes, it's hard to say goodbye or farewell. Why? Can I be honest?! Many of us say we want change, but change requires change. And sometimes change ruffles our feathers and our sense of normality more than we expected. If we refuse to become uncomfortable in the change, the result tends to leave us static. For some, that experience can be downright toxic. Many USA subcultures teach us to tolerate abusive relationships. It's important to recognize that abuse takes different forms. Some types of abuse include…physical, verbal, financial, emotional, spiritual, technological, and cognitive abuse (abuse of misinformation to affect how we think about things). Some of us only experience one of these types of abuse. Sadly, many of us experience multiple forms of abuse. (Sometimes at the same time!) Your story doesn't have to stay in that abusive rat race. You have options! When this happens, you gotta be willing to say goodbye to some friends, and even some family.
Unfortunately work and school environments are often not excluded from the
necessary relationship space that can be toxic. School/Work goodbyes are tricky,
but you may conclude that you gotta utilize them anyway. When you do, you have
to keep work/school stuff as the limit of engagement. When you start pretending
work people are family, you invite a false reality that does not help you
thrive. This leads to you having people in your life who may do more harm than
good. If someone says you are family to them, let them earn that title. Giving
it away without any evidence is a recipe for drama you don’t need. Let those
individuals show they can be reliable. Pretending everything is ok is a covert
way to maintain a toxic relationship. We deserve better!
The bottom line is you deserve more! You deserve your humanity to be seen 24/7…you deserve the right not to expect anything less. Lean into this truth! You got this!
Be Hurd and Be seen!
-Elgrie J
