I'm not Begging (And Neither Should You)

 

June 30, 2023

The Temptations are a singing group that has made classic hit after classic hit. One of their classic hits is called “Ain't Too Proud to Beg.” It is a love song suggesting that the lead singer was willing to do just about anything to win the love of his woman back. This included being willing to beg for her to understand how much she meant to him. I am a hopeless romantic, so I can appreciate the sentiment. I can also recognize that this approach of begging does not need to be normalized for all things. In school and working spaces, some of us embrace the concept of imposter syndrome. At a quick glance it might make sense to embrace this concept. However, the more you unpack the implications behind imposter syndrome, you see a problem with the idea that does more harm than good. 

The problem with imposter syndrome is who is assigned the burden of responsibility for the environment. Imposter syndrome is the belief the newcomer does not see themselves as worthy of the position/status they have. Usually, the individual with this perspective does not fit the organization's profile norm. That difference could be ethnicity/race, Socio-economic status (SES) one was born into, or gender to name a few. I remember being concerned about my daughter having imposter syndrome about being in college classes as a middle schooler…This approach to my daughter’s experience was a flawed mindset on my end. Acknowledging the value of imposter syndrome allows me to ignore the institutional flaws of higher education. My daughter becomes the source problem, versus citing the way newcomers are singled out by the system they are seeking to participate in as the problem. In other words, I was considering blaming someone who had no say in the system they are being asked to join. My daughter deserves better, and so does anyone who comes into a new situation seeking for a chance to be included and valued. (Note: For more on the flaws of imposter syndrome, see how the creators of the term now realize that it has done more harm than good. )

I am at a place where I am confident in what I bring to the table. It does not mean I think I am the best; it means I can hold my own. It took me a while to get there…I kept thinking that being an overachiever would be enough for others to see my value. I've served as a consultant across the country, taken on projects to enhance my local community, and presented on various topics with positive reviews. But that has not been enough for certain friendships, community partnerships or business opportunities to see my worth. I realized that no matter what I did it would not please or convince some people. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was a pill I needed to take. Some of us work hard to please people in how we present themselves, we lose part of who we are. Showing why you have value should not come at the cost of losing value you have for yourself. If all of that is required for the validation of others, it might just be time to move on from those relationships.

I'm finally at a place where I'm not begging for validation. I am learning how to not try to fit into a box that was never made to include me. I am learning to articulate what I need from organizations for me to be fit. And I take no pleasure in repeating when I am not being listened to. I am not afraid to walk away and seek another opportunity. I'm not a fan of collateral damage, but if someone chooses to ignore my recommendations, the collateral damage responsibility falls on them. That might seem harsh, but my worth (and yours) is more valuable than the toxicity of poor leadership. 

So, what 's next?!  I'm gonna do me… don't let anyone stop you from doing you. Stop begging and start embracing being unapologetically you!

 

Be well!
- Elgrie J. Hurd, III

 

 

Don't Talk About It...

May 12, 2023

Dedicated to Dr. Toni-Mokjaetji C. Humber

So, I have felt the consequences of people just talking about things. Recently I learned of my city's school district will be closing a school at the end of this school year. There were some in my community who were surprised. I wasn't surprised at all. For the last 18 months I have attempted to get a bird's eye view of my city's school district's problems and identify possible ways to be part of the solutions. During that process I learned of the devastation COVID had on our schools, on top of the issues that were already there. I learned of the declining enrollment in our school district which led to a decline in other things…like teachers and staff quitting in the middle of the school year…so now the district is between a rock and a hard place. The district pushed for a school bond to help address some of the school district deficits…and the voters (collectively) said no.

 Talking about it isn't the same as being about it. Talking about it doesn't require doing your homework on how to change things. Talking about it doesn't require any planning or strategizing. Most importantly, talking doesn't require any action. A lot of people in my city talk about they care about being a premier city. Some of these same people claim that they care about children who attend school within the city's school district. But talk is cheap! Talk doesn't repair buildings, improve school security, or improve morale. Talk doesn't increase employee salaries. Action does that. Voting is Action. There were more voters who acted against the school district with no alternatives that can improve the school district. The consequence of this voting action has left the school district with no solutions and no change. The voting action against change reminded me of a situation from the past.

Talk didn't end de facto bus segregation in Montgomery, Alabama. Desegregation of buses required action. The Montgomery bus boycott lasted 381 days. But, if you do your homework, the action needed for change started long before the bus boycott. Before and after the boycott, to achieve the desired change, sacrifices and losses were part of the process. Some individuals who fought for change were unjustly placed in jail, physically attacked, and even faced financial hardships (more than the hardships they were already facing before the boycott). For some, the boycott required sacrificing sleep, food, and/or economic opportunities. Yet, collectively, they kept fighting for the greater good. It required alliances and a willingness to do things outside the box. There are valuable lessons that can still be applied today, if we are willing to do more than talk about change.

Teacher Action Motto: I do, we do, you do

I am a teacher/professor. Many teachers don't see what we do as simply a job…teaching is a profession. It is something we do for the long haul. The invested teachers don't just talk about student success being important, we put in the work to create success. Often, the success we want to see does not come right away. We tend to have to learn how to work around setbacks. Some setbacks are from those in leadership positions within the education systems; some come from a failure between the student-parent/guardian-teacher partnership. Some setbacks come from policy makers. Sadly, some setbacks come from fellow teachers and community members who claim they have students' best interests in mind but do more harm than good. Regardless of the barriers, teachers are expected to make success a reality. It's a tough ask because it's like asking someone to run a race with an anvil chained to their ankle and beat someone who has nothing holding them back. Yet, many of us who have survived various forms of opposition still make it happen.

Despite the current opposition for long-term success of my city's school district, I believe those of us who act for short and long-term best interests of my city's school district will eventually get the students, teachers, and staff what they need. Like the Montgomery bus boycott, we cannot underestimate the opposition. We will often have to work twice as hard to maintain our integrity and be innovative against the opposition. We can't be complacent or only seek action when it is convenient. We can't make the mistake of seeking to appeal to the opposition's logic or humanity, because that's not the root of their resistance. So much of the opposition is full of misinformation, fear, and covert discrimination. We must be willing to expose those who lie, the impact of their lies, and the truth of their opposition. That's not easy…that might get a little messy. But getting the victory for things that matter requires sacrifices that don't always look the way we want them to.

Naysayers to change...We'll keep trying!

So, to those whose words of support do not match their actions, I see you. The deception will end. And until it does, I'm using my actions to relentlessly move the needle in the right direction. My weariness is not a sign of an encroaching defeat…my allies and I are resilient…we are here for the long haul!

Be well!
-Elgrie J., action-oriented educator/community member

And I’m Tired…

January 29, 2023 

I am tired of being tired

New year, new you? Well, I think it is a yes and a no. Yes, because I do want some things to be different this year. The answer is also a no answer because I am still me, and there are things about me that I want to remain, because they are valuable to what makes me--me! So how do I find peace with this paradox?! I have an answer! When I was a child, I had a chance to attend the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings with adult family members. For me, it did two things. One: it humanized the struggle of chemical addiction/dependency. Two (which was even more important): it helped me learn the importance of identifying things I can change, and the things I cannot change.


Some things I cannot, nor do I want to change. Even though the world may not appreciate my Blackness, I know the void the world would experience without my Blackness ... without the Blackness of others who identify as Black. I have no desire to change my faith, my marriage, or my occupation. While I might want some different perspectives from my children at times, I DO NOT want to replace the children I have been blessed with. But I do want change.

 I feel like Bill's character in real-life

I’m tired of waiting for certain changes to come. I’m tired of living my own version of the movie Groundhog Day (1993) about my skill set. Over and over, I have to pass a test in academia, religious organizations, Corporate America, and nonprofits. My résumé and documented experiences are often called into question when I have colleagues with less experience who receive far less scrutiny. I am tired of this! I’m tired of the lip service and empty action. Complaining and calling out societal flaws does not make someone an activist or a revolutionary. I am tired of people saying they are down for a cause/to create change, but their actions say otherwise. I’m tired of hate and apathy ruling so much around me. I'm tired…I'm tired…I’m tired.

And if I'm truly tired of these things, I must be willing to be OK to try new approaches in 2023. Just because it worked in the past doesn't mean it will work in the present (or that it will in the future). You and I don't have to keep staying tired. I heard a wise person say it is OK to embrace the ease. She actually said, "lean into ease." You don't have to be a martyr of suffering to be a difference maker. This ain't 1965, 1968, 1969, 1977, or 1979…it's a new century that requires new approaches to finding solutions.

The danger of people believing when others say things will get better as an absolute truth is problematic, because sometimes things don't get better. Sometimes things stay the same; sometimes, it gets worse. I gotta be willing to acknowledge that I don't want prosperity theology or the flawed Protestant work ethic to blind me from recognizing how to make the meaningful change I desire. Working hard or being deserving by society is NOT necessarily enough to make lasting change. Sometimes before anything can be changed, we have to change. Maya Angelou said, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Is your attitude toward change truly open to change?!

Make 2023 something to celebrate

Sometimes you gotta look back at what was and know it offers nothing more than what was. Look forward more than you look back! Look for new ways! On this journey, find new ways to rest…find new ways to refill your cup! We can't stay tired because there is a lot more work to do! Let's go!!!

 Happy New Year!

- Elgrie J.

Embrace Your Story

 December 23, 2022

Don't be discouraged by detours in your story

Don't compare your story…don't belittle the impact of your story…an informal mentor once asked me to ask people I knew how I had affected their lives. A few people never responded…but there were a lot who did. O.M.G! The responses were not what I expected. I didn't know my story was worthy of celebration.

For me, how I felt about my cancer story was about how I felt my entire life story thus far. I did not think that my cancer story was worthy of celebration. To me, it wasn't a real cancer story because my cancer treatment was not intense or as long as others. But that's not how cancer works. If you have/had cancer, you have a cancer story. The same is true about the success you experience in life. Just because you don't win an Oscar, the World Cup, a Grammy, MVP, the Nobel Peace Prize, or the Pulitzer Prize doesn't mean the value of your success is limited to you.

Your story might be full of detours. That does not stop your story from being worthy of telling…worthy of embracing. Social media is a thorn in our self-worth…we see people portray their best selves, but not their struggles…not their flaws or moments of no self-esteem…Social media promotes instant responses…We often process that as instant results, or that our results should be identical to others…but you ain't them…you don't live their story and you don't need to. Acknowledge the fact that your story will have the ability to connect to others, even if you are not sure how it will happen.

Make time to record your story!

Don't walk into 2023 trying to create a story that you think people are expecting of you! You need to treat yourself better! The world needs you…and all that you perceive as baggage! Use it! Use it all to remind yourself of where you came from. Use it to remind yourself your story is not done yet. And when you all do all these things to embrace your story, you will be surprised by how many others you have inspired along the way. So, keep trucking and keep a written record of your journey because your story is worth more than you think!

 Be well!
-Elgrie J. Hurd III

My Belief is Greater than Your Doubt

November 26, 2022

I am not afraid of a good challenge

In February 2018, the Marvel Studios’ film Black Panther came to the big screen. Before the movie came out, I knew I needed to make this an experience for my whole family. So, I requested the latter half of the day off from work. I told my supervisor I would inform my students why I was leaving early. My supervisor and others thought this might give the students a bad impression; to miss class to see a movie. I told them, Black Panther was going to be more than a movie; it was going to be a cultural game changer. When February 2018 arrived, my belief became reality. Black Panther broke box office records and even made its presence at the Oscars. This fictional world of Wakanda gave hope and inspiration to Blacks and non-white people around the world.

Other movies have come out since then that were game changers…Jingle Jangle (2020), Crazy Rich Asians (2018), Encanto (2021), The Woman King (2022), and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022). For all of these films, each had to overcome the barriers of doubters. Doubters who did not want to fund the projects. Doubters who did not see the relevance and potential impact of the films. Some rationales of the doubters were rooted in the lack of Eurocentric faces portrayed in these films, the intentional inclusion of women as protagonists, and/or wanting to strip away the stories the filmmakers wanted to tell because they didn’t agree with the success they could bring. In each of these situations, many of the doubters probably did not even realize how their biases really spoke to their lack of vision more than the possibility of what could be. Thankfully the belief of the film makers was greater than the doubts of others.

Doubters underestimated us...our kids believed!!!

I am not a filmmaker, but I have had my own share of doubters in my life. People doubted my wife and I’s decision to homeschool our children for elementary school. The haters said our children would be socially awkward and that they would fall behind academically. We knew differently. Our belief in our skillset and commitment was greater than the confidence of others’ doubts. My wife was formally trained to be a teacher, and I had my own successful experiences teaching middle school and high school. Not only did my children strive academically, but they were able to unlock their unique talents that have been part of the foundation of their self-esteem…Some doubted my wife having a home birth. They questioned the medical soundness of the decision. Some even suggested that supporting my wife could lead to the death of my wife and unborn child. The birth of our fourth son was not only one of the smoothest births my wife had, but it also provided us with inspiration to help us support mothers to birth in peace. In 2018, I quit my full-time job to be a full-time adjunct professor. Doubters told me I would have to do it forever and be unable to support my family. I believed more than they doubted. My one year as a full-time adjunct made me the most qualified candidate for a full-time faculty position. Furthermore, as an adjunct, my family was never without…I had more quality time with them than any time period as a parent.

Too often we are waiting for others to be our biggest fans…unfortunately too often they are our biggest doubters. They think they are helping us play it safe. They believe in the long run it will lead to better success for us. The reality is those people who think they are helping often facilitate our lives to an endless series of what-ifs. In turn, it leads us to living a life heavy with shame. The doubters may not know their family lineage, but I know mine! I come from a lineage of courageous people! My maternal grandmother was courageous enough to take on Mississippi that was controlled by Jim Crow. My maternal grandfather was courageous to take on delivering weapons on the front line in WWII with no weapons other than his mind and his body. My father took on a computer industry that often tried to deny him based on his limited formal education, versus his knowledge that was light years ahead of some of his colleagues (and supervisors).

They said I couldn't...this picture says otherwise

I am not afraid to be courageous in the face of doubters. Whether it is my educational pursuits, how I cheer on my wife and my children, or even how I choose to use my skills to build people up (that are frequently left out). I am not afraid to tell my story in its entirety…the good, the bad, the ugly. The entirety of my story can offer people the encouragement to be courageous in their own journey. Find your family’s origin story of being courageous. And if you cannot find one within immediate family lineage, be the genesis of your family’s origins of being courageous! Believe in what you can do, even when others want to be contrary. Your belief can be greater than the doubts of others. Lean on your faith in you and what you were meant to do in society. The doubters are coming. Are you ready to outlast them?

Stay ready! Be well!
- Elgrie J. 

Cause It Needed to Be Done

 
Dedicated to the Inspirational life of Mr. Bill Russell…Thank you!

 

August 31, 2022

On July 31, 2022 around 2:21pm CST, my Sunshine sent me this text message: “Sit down before you open this… Barack Obama’s Instagram page.” I did not need to know what it was about to know it was not good. I was right. Barack Obama’s Instagram was giving a shout out about Bill Russell, stating, “Today, we lost a giant…As tall as Bill Russell stood, his legacy rises far higher - both as a player and as a person.” That is a good segue to describe what Bill Russell meant to me. Some athletes inspire you as an athlete. Bill Russell inspired me as an athlete and as an individual.

Mr. Bill Russell changed basketball is so many ways

When I was a boy, my dad gave me a Starting Lineup figurine of Bill Russell. At the time of receiving it, I had no idea who he was. There was no Internet accessible like it is now. I had to go to local libraries to figure out who he was. I reviewed almanacs, encyclopedias, and many NBA history books. When it was all done, I learned that Bill Russell was the embodiment of success on and off the court, but for many generations that have come after him, it’s almost like there is sports achievement amnesia surrounding Mr. Russell. Some have forgotten he is part of a rare list in basketball. In one year, he won a national college championship, an Olympic gold medal, and NBA championship. He was the first Black head coach in the NBA, only player-coach to win multiple NBA titles, and he won 11 NBA championships in 13 years. Impressive is an understatement! And throughout his professional sports career he was not always the best player on his team. To me, he was the ultimate teammate on the court. He was often the best teammate on the court because he was willing to do what needed to be done to help his teams win. This holistic package is why Bill Russell is still my favorite basketball player of all-time.

Decades later, I still love playing basketball. What was true when I was a child is still true now. I was never the best player on the court. I wasn't the best shooter, or ball handler, or defender. I knew if I wanted a chance to be part of teams, I had to get out of my feelings, and figure out how I was gonna contribute…I did what needed to be done. I have held onto this mentality as a value that is a foundational aspect of what makes me - me.

In my personal and professional worlds, I do a lot of things that if I chose to promote them might bring notoriety in a monetary way. I edit textbooks, consult for municipalities, volunteer with numerous non-profits, and mentor others. Rarely, will you hear me sharing those things in casual conversation. It is not because they are not important. It is because the recognition is not at the center of why I do it. I picked up this approach from Mr. Bill Russell. He was the ultimate teammate in the community, too. Even in the twilight days of his life, you will hear stories of Mr. Russell doing things in the community (inside and outside the NBA). Mr. Russell did not do things for recognition. For him, he often helped simply because it needed to be done.

Russell welcomed recognition but it wasn't the motivation

Most recently I was nominated by one of my peers to be considered for our college’s faculty of the year award. At first, I was not sure why I was nominated. To me, I do not do anything out of the ordinary. I seek to teach in a way that is engaging and provide ways for the course material to be applied outside the classroom. But, to some of my colleagues, I do more than that. While I recognize some see this as a big deal, I do it because it needs to be done. Whether I ever get publicly acknowledged again for my efforts, I am going to keep doing what I do, because that’s what needs to be done. And apparently, having a “cause it needed to be done philosophy” is contagious. I have had the privilege of seeing my children help others in various ways because it needed to be done. You never know who is watching you. You never know how your values might become values someone else embraces. Act wisely!

I hope more of us do things simply because they need to get done. There are cynical people who believe individuals doing good things because it is the right thing to do (and do it without recognition) is rare. I strongly disagree. There are plenty of people behind the scenes doing great things to make the world better with small and large humanitarian acts. Our challenges are to stop waiting to see behaviors in someone else and to stop waiting for someone to broadcast an individual’s acts of service. We should start looking at ourselves and figure out what is holding us from filling a need when no one is watching or cheering us on. You see a need, be a solution to the need. Why? Because it needs to be done!

Be well!
Elgrie J. Hurd III
-2022-2023 Dallas College’s Minnie Stevens Piper Excellence in Teaching Award Nominee

Number One Fan

 

July 31, 2022

For more than two decades my maternal grandmother was my #1 fan. She believed I could do anything or be anything. And she made sure everyone who came in her path knew it too. My first seasonal job while in college was at an affluent shopping mall. When my grandma learned about my interview, she volunteered herself to attend (and I awkwardly and under duress agreed). She got my hourly wages to be higher than what I was willing to accept. She saw my worth even when I didn't. She knew the relationship pitfalls I ended up in before I did. Things changed when she met my Sunshine. The moment she met her she knew what I knew: My Sunshine is the one; my Sunshine is my favorite-favorite. 

For nearly 20 years, my favorite-favorite has been my Sunshine 🌞.  To those unfamiliar with me or this blog, that is the nickname for Althea, my wife. But she's more than any of these titles. For 18+ years my Sunshine has been my #1 fan. It's like the moment she met my grandmother there was a passing of a baton. Like my grandmother, she often sees the Greatness in me that I don't see. She believed in my ability to teach at colleges and complete academic work at the graduate level. I was Dr. Hurd to her when I only saw myself as Elgrie.

And while I am honored to have Sunshine as my #1 fan, I love the privilege to be her biggest fan. I learned early on that as much as she denies it, she's a life-long learner. I love her commitment to continually learn how to love me. She found new interests and figured out what tools she needed to learn and apply what she knew. Whether it is teaching, tutoring, being a doula, birth educator, midwife assistant, or carpenter, she is always learning. I’m here for it! I’m a fan!

I am a fan of the way she loves others…and that starts with our children. She inspired me in how her love translates into her commitment to love each of our children based on their unique ways. She has taught me that all my children can be my favorites. I am a fan of her heart for those in need. While her target audience may be Black people, she is willing to answer the call of someone in need no matter their background. Most surprisingly, I am a fan because you are the model of living in the moment. It's a difficult thing to operate in a world that encourages you to be so focused on what's next you are likely to not focus on the now…18 years into this marriage I don't wanna miss out on the present because I'm dreading the past or hyper focused on the future. Why rush through the present to get to the future. "The future is coming…sooner than you think." Until then, I want to live out every sunrise and sunset with God's gift to me…my Sunshine.


 Everyone deserves to have a #1 fan. We all need reminders of the value we have that we can’t see in ourselves.  To my #1 fan…thank you…I love you. I hope you feel my passion as your #1 fan…EVERYDAY!

 

Happily in love and married,
Elgrie J.