I Gotta Write My Way Out…

December 27, 2023
 

“Y'all, I caught my first beatin' from the other kids when I was caught readin'
"Oh, you think you smart?"—Blaow!—start bleedin'
My pops tried in vain to get me to fight back
Sister tapped my brains, said, "Pssh—you'll get 'em right back."
Oversensitive, defenseless, I made sense of it, I pencil in
The lengths to which I'd go to learn my strengths and knock 'em senseless
These sentences are endless, so what if they leave me friendless?
"Damn, you got no chill," f*****' right—I'm relentless
I know Abuela's never really gonna win the lottery
So it's up to me to draw blood with this pen, hit an artery
This Puerto Rican's brains are leakin' through the speakers
And if he can be the shinin' beacon this side of the G.W.B and
Shine a light when it's gray out?”
-Lin Manuel-Miranda from “I Wrote My Way Out”

The original Hamilton musical was something I enjoyed when I experienced it. The follow up to the Broadway smash was the remix album featuring various popular Hip-Hop, R&B, and Pop artists. My favorite song is the 2nd track featuring Nas, Aloe Blacc, Dave East, and Lin-Manuel Miranda. I love everything about this remix song. As a kid who was bullied by bullies and poverty long before my mouth found the volume to be loud enough to express what was in my heart, I found my voice in writing.

For some time now, lots of people have been asking me when I am gonna be done with my dissertation. There are so many responses in my head to these inquiries. And I've come to accept that the best response I can give is by writing it out. My short answer is it will be done when it gets done. The long answer is I'll finish when opportunity, support, and my writing find a compromise. Successful dissertations require having committee members to have your back as a doctoral student. It requires making edits in your writing that the faculty want to fit their definition of doctoral research and analysis. This expectation varies from committee to committee. But, no matter who is part of my committee, I gotta remember, I'm a writer. No dissertation committee can take that away from me.

All my life writing has been my refuge…

• Short stories
• Poems
• Narrative essays
• Analyzing the world we live in and the world that once was…
• Even when I became a parent, my short stories became my bedtime stories for my children…

There was a time before I started this 2nd attempt at a doctoral program, I did not think my writing was good enough. Writing blogs and poetry is one thing, but can my writing get me through a dissertation?! At first, I made the mistake of looking for validation during my academic journey from current my doctoral program…I listened to the hysteria of some classmates and their best practices of those who have finished their dissertation, and tried to become a student I thought I had to be…I was too busy trying to write in a way that put my voice on mute. Class after class, I felt hollow…I was giving a writing version of myself I thought my doctoral program expected. And semester after semester I felt like I was missing the mark on my writing assignments.

It took nearly 3 summers into my program at Dallas Baptist University (DBU) to learn about the value of my style of writing in traditional academia…it will not get me the highest grades; it will get me the highest level of tranquility and peace. I need that! That is more valuable than an A…sometimes being me will give an A, other times it won’t, but no matter what my writing will be my ticket to completing my work at DBU.

I must keep writing…but I cannot make the mistake that makes it OK in my mind to justify my desire to slack off from other obligations to focus on writing.  My world should not revolve around my dissertation. My responsibilities don't stop…

-       My dad duties don’t stop
-       Taking care of my health does not stop
-       Being a husband does not stop
-       Teaching full-time does not stop
-       My faith walk does not stop

Finally, I must remember doctoral writing requires LOTS of practice to be an expert. A work year is 2,080 hours…to be great at something, you need at least 10,000 hours…that's nearly 5 full-time working years…so…I won't be a doctoral writing expert when I finish this dissertation. But I believe my writing will be enough to confer my Ph.D. in Leadership Studies from DBU. Don't let the opinions of others get in the way of what you were called to do. Don’t underestimate the importance of surrounding yourself with people who value your gifts. And don’t let self-doubts consume your dreams. If you have a story to tell, tell your story! And if writing is a medium that has empowered you, write
your way out!

Write away!
- Elgrie J