Use It All

August 31, 2026

“Use it!” Blade

 Dedicated to The Comeback Kid…

 

Sometimes we want very specific motivations and very specific resources to get to the destination that we need to get to…and sometimes it's not what we are going to get. In the movie Blade: Trinity (2004) their job is to take out Dracula (permanently). And for a good chunk of the movie, they struggled to let the uncertainty and worst-case scenario stop them from completing the mission. Eventually when one of the good guys thought they lost all hope. Blade, the vampire killer, tells his teammate to use all the pain, all the doubt, and all the fear as fuel to refocus and re-motivate…even when the odds are against you. This is the backstory of an underdog.

Now Blade: Trinity (2004) is fictional…lemme give you a true story. In the 1990’s there was a movie that came out called Rudy. Rudy was based on the real-life story of Rudy Ruettiger. The movie was an idea that took nearly 20 years to become reality. Why did it take so long?! Maybe because the whole story seemed fake. A 25-year-old Navy veteran with dyslexia got into Notre Dame?! And then he got on the field as a 5’6” defender on the football team?! And he tackled the quarterback in a real game?! Seems unreal, right?!

It might seem unreal, but it's all true! Rudy Ruettiger had a learning difference. He was 5’6” ...He was 165 pounds. (That's tiny for that position!) Parts of the crowd were screaming his name! He did tackle the quarterback at the end of the game, and he was carried off the field. For everything good that we remember about Rudy, there were so many things that were working against him. Rudy was a true underdog. He found a way even when people said he couldn't. He used everything thrown against him as food to fuel his success. For those who are not underdogs, it is easy to not see what Rudy and other underdogs have achieved as not a big deal. Maybe a thought is that the underdogs achievements didn’t change the world. But, if any of the achievements changed the reality for an underdog, those acts are worthy of being celebrated.

Underdog stories are great until we are the Underdog!

I had a chance to witness the underdog first-hand recently. I gave the underdog the nickname of The Comeback Kid. The Comeback Kid had every reason to stop trying. She had every reason not to believe in the possibilities. And somehow, she trusted the process to make changes…she embraced the idea of resilience. She was often told by me, “You know what we can do?! We can do hard things! We can do hard things when we have low energy…we can do hard things when we have an aching heart… we can do hard things, and we feel like no one believes in us.” Over time, The Come Back Kid found a way to use it all. And I'm so grateful I was there when what she thought was impossible became possible.

Underdog stories are great until we are the Underdog!

The great underdogs had to take on all the haters…they had to take on all the setbacks…as underdogs, people have to navigate around every person who failed them…every person who said they couldn't…all the pain that comes with all that negativity needs to be used. Underdogs gotta use it all…every single bit of it! Pain is always going to be there…negativity is always gonna try to drown you. Are you willing to channel it all into something useful or are you going to allow it to chain you down to a life of wish-I-could-have? Don't be that person! Find a way to channel it all…Turn that pain and negativity into power! Use the power into action…use that action to change your world! That's the charge! You ready?! Just know, I believe in you! Lean in!

 

Elgrie J. Hurd
- A Member of the Underdogs

For You...

 July 31, 2026

I have enjoyed the new album by Bruno Mars. I have a feeling my family is probably over having to hear it. It's probably not the album itself, they are over, but my singing! What can't be denied is that the lyrics in the album are built on being a romantic. The 1st song on the album, “Risk It All,” sets the stage and makes me think back to July 31, 2004.

Twenty-two years ago, you, My Sunshine 🌞, risked it all. You left everything you ever knew for hopes and dreams. Some dreams became reality, some remained a fantasy, and a few were deferred. And time and time again you still risk it all. You have perfectly loved my imperfections. For all of this, I’m grateful. I cannot duplicate what you have given me. In this new season of your marriage and parenting, I'm here to risk it all.

It's 2026. Our world is changing. Our values and purpose outside of our home are evolving. This has created new opportunities and new dreams, especially for you. And while you may not have it all figured out, just know that I got your back. You can be successful in these new adventures. Be a light! Take risks! I'll make up the difference!

We are on a new parenting journey. Our nest is getting lighter!  How we were parenting 10 years ago can't always be applied anymore. The need for support from us is changing. It's unpredictable…it's non-stop…it's uncharted territory. But, as long as I have breath, I got you!

I still celebrate the ways I already love you and I'm excited to find new ways to love you. You ready?!To love you is to honor Jesus…we are his bride, and you are my bride. And if it means dying for you to live, I'd risk it all because “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

There are things people may not understand…They may not understand how we parent. They may not understand how we date each other. And that’s OK. Our marriage has NEVER been about them. Our marriage is from The Creator…our marriage is from The Divine…The I Am! Year 22 feels different. I'm still trying to find the words to describe it all. Here's what I do know: We are beginning a new journey. I am with you! I am for you! You are for me! For you, I'll risk it all because you risked it all for me. Let's keep this risky business going and see where it takes us!

 

Your NON-Bruno Mars,
Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Better than I Deserve

June 30, 2026

Father’s Day occurs every June in the United States. I know there are various views about the holiday celebrating fathers. Some love it. Some hate it. Some think it is a leftover holiday that gets the leftover appreciation associated with Mother’s Day. All these views have validity to someone. For me, I’ll take it all. The holiday ain’t perfect, but I know how to make it work. The reality is my fatherhood ain’t limited to one day. What also holds true is that fatherhood is a privilege, not a birth right. The world is full of unfairness and parenting is no different.

On the parenting tip…I am fortunate. There are many people who want to be parents that are biologically theirs. Yet, there are barriers that impede this reality that don't get enough attention. Some parents have children that are before they're born. The official name for these children are stillborns. The CDC stated that 1 in 175 births are stillborn births. Sadly, Harvard University learned that is not accurate. Harvard University found that the national average is more like 1 in 150 births. And in some communities, it is as high as 1 in 95 births! That’s high! It also means that just because someone gets to be pregnant doesn't mean they get to enjoy parenting. I have four children. I have not had the heartbreak of having a stillborn child directly, but I have walked in pain with people who have. To make a positive use of their pian, I use my job to do all that I can to raise awareness about stillborns, the privilege of parenting, and hopefully create space for more empathy on the topic.

Miscarriages serve as another challenge for those who want to be parents. There are many types of miscarriages. Shockingly, some pregnant people may not even know that they were pregnant, or that that they lost their baby. So, why do I give you all this information? It's a reminder that the opportunity to become a parent is a privilege. We do not earn the right to become parents. My other hope is that you don't put your foot in your mouth and make an awkward scenario for someone by asking them where they're going to have a kid…when we do this, we are demonstrating a lack of understanding of the biological barriers to be able to birth a baby successfully. So, even if you only got one kid, it is better than you deserve.

Nearly 20 years in, I still do not have this parenting down. I don’t think I am a great parent. I believe I am a good parent with the potential to be great. What’s the difference between good and great? Being proactive. Repeating less of the same mistakes. And while I have my moments of greatness, there are still more opportunities for improvements. I can #DoBetter. I must #DoBetter.

If you are a parent, I am not here to dismiss your pain or the challenges you have to take on. I am not here to suggest all the problems you have you will overcome in this lifetime. I am suggesting that you have the privilege to raise fighters. And they can learn how best to fight by seeing their parents fight for them. FIGHT to create opportunities for your children to tap into their greatness. FIGHT for the communities that you live in to be cultivating spaces for greatness. FIGHT for yourself right against all the things you wish you would have gotten right as a parent. And FIGHT against whatever is within you to embrace the grace needed to be the parent that your child/children deserve.

 

Train ‘em well! You got this!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

My Favorite Klarc

 May 30, 2026

Dedicated to the Joy in my life!

You, my daughter, have been asking me for years, so here it goes…you are my favorite Klarc! …whether it is spelled Klarc or Clark. You are my favorite Joy on the planet. Most importantly, you are my favorite daughter. Even though I have been privileged to have goddaughters given to me before and after you were born, you are my favorite…But none of that is why you are my favorite…daughter! That is just icing on the cake!

I’m so proud of you! To say I am a proud peacock is an understatement! You have motivated me to be the best version of me since the first time I held you. I never left you out of sight. And in those early days of your life, you never let me out of yours. Please remember, this blog writing started because of you! I wanted you to know that creating an empowering environment around you motivated me. I wanted you to know that your Black Girl Magic can change things on the micro AND macro level. I want
ed to offer a blog that encouraged people to find joy matched with the joy you bring in the world.

Embrace this…You are a bringer of joy! So, what does that even mean?! It means everywhere you go, every person who meets you is better for their experience with you. You constantly seek the good in people, even when they fail to demonstrate it with their behaviors. Don’t lose that…it’s a gift from God! More often than not, you have turned your biggest haters into your biggest fans. Anyone who tries to lower your intensity of your joy should be seen as questionable and probably someone that needs to be blocked (in every way)! Your heart and your acts of service are things that truly make Jesus proud. BRAVO!!!

You are more than a conqueror! Don’t forget this! I don’t know all the challenges you face as Black teenage girl becoming a Black young woman…Even before you have entered the space of adulthood I have seen you deal with racism, sexism, bullying, self-doubt, challenges with new experiences, challenges with mastering new skills, those who misrepresent Christianity, and the ups and downs of friendships. Yet, these attacks on your success have not been able to claim victory against you. You have claimed victory! But you didn’t stop there. You are continuously finding victory when it comes to academics. You have got the victory of finishing high school and community college nearly a year before you were scheduled to…if you didn’t know, that’s special. THAT’S ELITE! Don’t let no one try to tell you any different! There is more to your story to tell. And I am confident you will tell it one day, when you are ready…not to brag…not for fame, but because you understand our stories serve as a vessel of what could be for others to hold onto in times of hopelessness or despair.

You do not have to follow the paths of your mother and me. There is no need! You are a natural trailblazer! Continue to make your own path! The most important lessons I learned was to be me and not to be anyone else but me…As you continue to grow and prosper not everyone's going to celebrate your journey…not everyone's going to want to give you the flowers you have earned. That doesn't mean you slow down…that doesn't mean you wait for the recognition…that means keep on pushing because the marathon continues. This is not a sprint... this is a distance run. And there's going to be people who will give you thoughts and attempt to offer detours because your run doesn't look like theirs. You were never meant to have a journey like anyone else's because you are Klarc Joy Vida! You are a visionary and how you choose to embrace that vision it's between God and you.

Remember the pieces of your story they have gotten you to this point. You didn't get here because you were like everyone else. You are here doing the things you do because when people said you couldn't you said, “Hold on hold my hat and watch me.!” So, while you are on a different part of the journey called life, the strategy is still the same. Tell everyone who's trying to tell you what to do and how to do it, you tell them to hold your hat and watch you work!

You have been blessed with an intuition like no other. Trust it more than the friends you make along the way…trust it more than the professors and mentors who lack the imagination to be able to wonder and create in ways that come to you with ease…unfortunately, sometimes that might even include me. I ask that you be willing to forgive us, offer us grace. My hope is that I am pushing forward more than I am holding you back. Always remember, Hurds don’t quit…and know that you got this!

Your Favorite Dad,
Your Favorite Elgrie…Your Ubér!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Do You

October 31, 2025

Dedicated to Aaniyah Thomas

We ask young people to have their own life figured out at 13! That’s a problematic strategy. Think back when you were 13…do you have the same views on the world as an adult that you had at 13?! Probably not. Some of us hadn’t even hit puberty yet! I think it is easy to lean into a revisionist history of our past and forget what it was really like to be a teenager or a young adult. And we gotta stop that! If we don’t change our behavior, we will create additional barriers to the generations who come after us. We unknowingly also shackle ourselves to mandates that are nothing more than dead ends.

"What’s your passion?!” That is the question I often ask people, especially young people. Passions are important. They can be your driving force even when all the odds are against you. Passions are individualized and they are not limited to a college major or a career. Having a passion is a great precursor to finding one’s purpose. Finding one’s purpose tends to get lost in our journey in this life because some of us are too worried about who will be pleased and who will be pissed off. Remember, they ain't gotta get you for you to be you! Your passion is uniquely designed for you! My goddaughter, I've never been more proud of you. Traditions did not shackle you. With your tiny voice you had the loudest echo on what you were called to be! The world ain’t ready! But, so what?! You ready! Go get it!!!

Don't let anyone hijack your dreams! You get this tiny window in time where no one is looking for you to change the world or be a full-fledged adult. Make the most of it. At some point, adulting comes a knocking. And when it does and you answer, you won’t get this time back. The graveyard of what-if dreams is full. It does not need any more donations. Get all the materials for your dreams! Keep building! And if you need a hand, we got you!

While we all want greatness for you, don’t get bamboozled. Perfection is the trap! Perfection is not a requirement to be the best version of you. Hold on to this truth. Don't let not getting it perfectly hold you hostage. Embrace the imperfections and mistakes because we learn best. There is always a lesson to build on from everything we experience. Your job is to become a master detective, collect the clues, and solve the ministry that is your story. I just want you to be great…I can't tell you what that means…I can tell you what it ain’t…It ain't quitting because it's hard or because it doesn't look how you imagined. It ain't leaning on your talents…You gotta put in work…probably more than you ever have. Mediocrity and complacency can't be in the future…it's gotta stay in your rear-view mirror. Don't look back!

Take your time! Take it all in! You have this moment to make it about you. If you don't own this moment, you are cheating! You are cheating yourself from what could be because you can't see what's meant to be. You are cheating the world because no one but you was designed to do the things you do in the manner you will get it done. In this moment, slow down and experience the journey…don’t get so caught up in reaching the finish line that you can't celebrate every milestone. Let others celebrate you. Most importantly, become your own celebration station.

 

Your Godfather,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

Step Away

 September 30, 2025

Sometimes we look inwardly and focus on getting ourselves together. Some of us are privileged to have self-awareness that the conflicts you experience with others are not because of anyone other than us. Sometimes WE are the problem. And those conflicts cannot go away if we are not making time to improve. If this is you, we gotta identify the barriers we create, examine the impact, and determine possible sources of conflicts. And if you cannot be the source of the resolution you gotta be humble enough to find resources beyond you. You don't have to have all the answers to the problems in your life. You do have to be realistic enough about needing help. If that's the case for you, make the necessary changes to improve your relationships with others.

In other situations, you gotta step away because you need to go deep. There is a book called Deep Work (2016) by Cal Newport. What is deep work? Deep work is when you have the mindset in the effort to just focus on one thing…one big goal, and NOT multitasking to get it done. People talk about being committed to something and getting something done. Sadly, many people aren't really ready to do it because they don't understand or they refuse to accept the work needed to make it happen. Some musical artists have to go away when they're working on their music. They can't be bothered, they gotta be focused. They can't let anything else distract them. Deep work means being really committed to the project and giving it time in concentration.

To me, it means barricading myself in a room, all of my snacks and everything that I need to get to work. This allows me to get into the zone and get the work done. I know if I’m not intentional with the big projects, they will remain just ideas. They will be part of my idea graveyard that is full of goals that will remain indefinitely incomplete…a what-if that will remain a what-if…I don’t like leaving missions incomplete. So, that means there are times I gotta step away, please don't take it personally. It's not you, it's me!

Make a way to do the deep work

Everyone you know may not understand your reasons for stepping away and that's okay. They are not you. They may not know what is required to do what you need to do, so that you can get to a place where you can thrive…to get to a place where simply surviving is not the end goal. The journey might not be easy. It's probably going to be a lot of unexpected roadblocks in your journey to get to the place you need to be, but don't be discouraged, stay focused and get it done. I'll see you on the other side!

 

Your fan,
Elgrie J.

The Hardest Goodbye

August 29, 2025

“...Gotta be all about me before I'm all about you
If I don't take care of me, I'm no good to you…

 …I can't sacrifice my feelings no morе
Gotta be careful who I let through that door
I'm changing things around this timе, ah
I'm doing things that give peace of mind, ah
So if you're not adding to my high, ah
I'm going to have to tell you goodbye…” – P.J. Morton

In the summer of 2025, I found a song that embodies the concept of the foundation of self-care. In 2022, PJ Morton released My Peace. PJ Morton stresses the importance of his peace. He acknowledges that if he is not in a good head space, he is not gonna be useful to anyone. And if there are people who are hindering him from that peace, he’s gotta tell them good-bye. To some this might seem harsh, but it’s not!

When you get on an airplane they advise if the oxygen masks fall to place yours on your face before assisting the person next to you. At first glance that might not make sense. But it absolutely does. Sometimes you gotta be selfish to be helpful to others. For many people, this becomes a reality when they head off to college. That was definitely the story for me. I wanted to help others. I wanted to help those who paved the way for me; I wanted to help those who would come after me. But I needed to figure out some things first. And I could not do that without saying good-bye and doing some soul searching. 

Sometimes, it's hard to say goodbye or farewell. Why? Can I be honest?! Many of us say we want change, but change requires change. And sometimes change ruffles our feathers and our sense of normality more than we expected. If we refuse to become uncomfortable in the change, the result tends to leave us static. For some, that experience can be downright toxic. Many USA subcultures teach us to tolerate abusive relationships. It's important to recognize that abuse takes different forms. Some types of abuse include…physical, verbal, financial, emotional, spiritual, technological, and cognitive abuse (abuse of misinformation to affect how we think about things). Some of us only experience one of these types of abuse. Sadly, many of us experience multiple forms of abuse. (Sometimes at the same time!) Your story doesn't have to stay in that abusive rat race. You have options! When this happens, you gotta be willing to say goodbye to some friends, and even some family.

Unfortunately work and school environments are often not excluded from the necessary relationship space that can be toxic. School/Work goodbyes are tricky, but you may conclude that you gotta utilize them anyway. When you do, you have to keep work/school stuff as the limit of engagement. When you start pretending work people are family, you invite a false reality that does not help you thrive. This leads to you having people in your life who may do more harm than good. If someone says you are family to them, let them earn that title. Giving it away without any evidence is a recipe for drama you don’t need. Let those individuals show they can be reliable. Pretending everything is ok is a covert way to maintain a toxic relationship. We deserve better!

Lastly, remember a goodbye doesn't have to be forever…It does require the other party member in the relationship to switch up how they engage with you if they want a renewed invitation to fellowship…and if no change is offered, you gotta decide what do you value more, your relationship or your peace. I'm hoping you decide on peace. But if you don't, you gotta be at peace with enduring something that may be your demise in unexpected ways.

The bottom line is you deserve more! You deserve your humanity to be seen 24/7…you deserve the right not to expect anything less. Lean into this truth! You got this!

Be Hurd and Be seen!
-Elgrie J

 

Internal Struggle of My Love

July 31, 2025

For my Sunshine…

Nearly 5 years into our marriage and right before our daughter was born, I wrote a poem asking God if I get to keep you, my Sunshine, my wife, for more than 13 years. Does that seem silly? In the moment…maybe. I was a little nervous about all that had transpired in my life. The women that I was close to were out of my life and living their best life on the other side of eternity. My concern for the longevity of our marriage came long before I knew I would have cancer…long before I knew that I'd be laid off and take nearly a year to find work…long before that I knew money would be so tight that I couldn't even negotiate to rob Peter to give to Paul. 

Thankfully my views have changed. Approaching year 21 of marriage, I see things a little differently. I see people older than me and younger than me that look like me that I can no longer see…their bodies are 6 feet deep…Their souls are an eternity away. All of this has me thinking about the end of possibilities for you and for me. When you get married, you say, “till death do us part.” And then you get older, and you realize that you don't want death to come because we hit the end of the road when we part! We don't get to come back again! When you're a hopeless romantic, you say, “Oh I got you forever! I got you in this lifetime; I’ll have you in the next lifetime!” Then as you get older and your theology gets wiser, you realize that's not true…so what do I do?

How do I juggle with trying to be the father I need to be…being the professor that I want to be… all while wanting to end this dissertation journey quickly and swiftly?! How is it possible for everyone to be included and be validated, but for me not to fall short?! How do I get the winning ticket to bring all internal and external conflicts to an end? Somehow and somewhere, there is supposed to be time for my Sunshine and me. Somewhere between wanting to make sure the community is served, being obedient to my God, loving our children there is supposed to be time. I found it! But the amount feels so insignificant! At times I feel so selfish to want to have more time with you than any other person on this planet. Where's the playbook on how to navigate the guilt of not having more time for hurkle-durkling with you in the morning? I need the cheat code! I am sitting here often feeling like a kid at an arcade with no more quarters and the screen says GAME OVER!

What do I do with the conflict of wanting every waking moment to be with you but knowing by doing that you've become my god?! Putting my God second is not an option! It is a troubling mindset for me. How do I make sense of saying parenting is an important component in my life, but between you and parenting, I want to choose you?!  That's not right! But that's so real! What I know is that I need you! What I know is that you are the perfect embodiment of the Method Man and Mary J. Blige's song “All I Need.” At the same time, I recognize that you're not all I need!

Yet, you are an important part of what I need. And I gotta get it right! So, to get it right means to treat you right. And to treat you right means that I need to honor God right. I'm so grateful that you hold me accountable…grateful you find ways to build me up and love me unconditionally. As long as I have breath, my commitment to you is to discover new ways and lean into the restoration of the past ways that made you feel one of a kind. You need to know that you are one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me. Not just on our anniversary… not just on Valentine's Day…but every day we are privileged to wake up in the morning and open our eyes and celebrate the manifestation of the beauty of our marriage. And with this as our foundation of marriage, God will help us reign over my internal struggle, so it doesn’t get the victory.

Happy anniversary!
-Elgrie J. Hurd, III

You're Ready!

June 30, 2025

“I know Althea and you have prepared him. I honestly believe the most important thing that I have found is the spiritual foundation and the ability to seek help when pressure comes." – A Member of the Village

 

To My First Born:

As you begin your journey into adulthood, I want you to know that I am proud of you. I want you to know that you inspire so many. You have blessed your entire (immediate) family academically, economically, and most importantly --- spiritually. I want to be clear: You’re ready! So, here are some things I want you to remember…We have given you three names with purpose. Represent them well! You were given a nickname…it was NOT by accident! It was given because of a belief in what we believe you can be in all the things you do. It is a testament of what you will be when you embrace all that you are. Last, but not least, you got baptized! And while it might feel like a long time ago…don't forget what it means. Your life is just not your own. You are a child of God who believes Jesus died for your eternal salvation. And until your death day, you are to be the light of the world that seeks to make Jesus proud.

As you start your university experience, please remember to enjoy the experience. Enjoy the experience of getting the opportunity to figure out things in an environment that gives you the space to fail without life-altering negative consequences. I want you to take risks. You won't know all the things you're able to do or all the things you're interested in doing, without taking risks. If you aren't willing to try and take risks, you miss the opportunity to open your mind in a way you have never even dreamed of. Take risks that can make your body do things you weren't aware it could do. And while taking risks are part of going to a university, all risks ain’t good risks. If you are not sure about the risk, pray on it!

Also, remember your success is not a solo project. Your village is not here to hinder. Your village is here to empower you. Don't think that your journey does not have fans or team members to be there along the way. Your village isn’t local; your village is international! You get to lead; your village will follow!

Be true to you! Don’t deny who you are! Lean into it! Lean into studying effectively. You know what works for you when it comes to studying. You know what it takes to gain the most out of the experiences in the classroom. Lean into that. You know self-care is important. Make sure your actions align with that fact. Make sure you are taking care of your mind, your body, your soul…and know that if your soul is not where it needs to be, it's hard for your mind and your body to do what they need to do. Be real about unhealthy behaviors you already know about. Don't pretend they don't exist. When you pretend, you can't fix something that you don't acknowledge exists. If you don't acknowledge that it exists, there's no game plan for how to get better. These are the times for you to figure out what kind of person you are. Whether you want to remain satisfied with the status quo of your reality, or whether you want to evolve in your development as a young man. Please remember it’s OK to seek improvements. Give yourself grace to master new healthier habits because they won't come overnight.

My final ask: build your vision! For me, that means making time to see beyond the present. Be open to detours. Don't just put your head down in route to reaching your destinations or goals. There is so much to see! And when you make time, you give yourself the opportunity to see the possibilities that can be. So, look up! When you do, create space to enjoy the journey. And if you need a little bit of guidance, I’m only a phone call away. When you call, I’ll remind you what you already know…you got everything you need! #BeHurd ...
You’re ready!

 

Love,
Daddy

Imprisonment of a Dream

 

May 31, 2025

Some people tell you to do everything you can to achieve your dream, no matter the costs. I can see why people would push that narrative. It’s about showing your commitment…it’s about your will to sacrifice for the prize. But I have a question: What’s the point if you lose the things that made the dream worth achieving, it really a dream worth holding onto?! I get the privilege to wear many titles. I am a husband, a father, an uncle, a brother, a son, a nephew, a cousin, and a devoted friend. I value the relationships that come with these titles. And if I have to lose them for a dream, then that may not be the dream for me.

Don't let your dream trap you!

Some people are so locked in their pursuits their dream, to achieve it the dream turns into a nightmare. It does not take much debating to suggest people who are incarcerated want to be free…what’s surprising is sometimes people who are free allow their dream to isolate them so much they lose their freedom. Don't let your dream become your nightmare. Don't have tunnel vision that blocks you from the improv necessary to keep your dream alive. Don't dismiss the lifelines to your dream that appear in unorthodox ways. To dream big often requires using tools and perspectives you couldn't imagine because you were dreaming too small!

On a 2025 The Pivot podcast episode featuring Anthony Mackie the conversation moved to the topic of individual success. Anthony Mackie talked about people who are successful are often chosen…it’s not just necessarily their skills. Another interview on The Pivot podcast, they interviewed the musician Jelly Roll. The lead host is a former NFL player. He said that he was not the most talented football player and a lot of people who were more talented but succumbed to the temptations of the world. If you do not succumb to the world and the world gets to see your talents, remember you are chosen. That means use your talents, don’t waste them. That also means, don’t be selfish with your talents. You get to unlock more of your dream when you find ways to help others discover and develop theirs.

See your incomplete dream differently!

Some of you all reading this cannot relate to the idea of your dream becoming a reality. All my dreams never came  true. And there’s a good chance some of my dreams will remain an eternal dream status. This does not mean you got it all wrong. Sometimes you choose life over dreams. Sometimes you choose a purpose that outshines your dream idea even on the cloudiest days. You gotta remember that   you don't need to be imprisoned by what your dream did   not become…celebrate aspects of your dream that were not deferred. Build on what has manifested into reality and   reclaim what was deferred on your terms! Relax! Take a deep breath! Don't worry…you got this!!!

Your Dream Fan,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

Present Loss for Future Gains

 A love letter inspired by my children…

April 30, 2025

“My hope is what I can't give you now was to give you what you need in the future.” - Unknown

My kids seem surprised that I work all year. Adulting is hard. It is such an honor to be able to serve my wife and my children with my ability to teach. With that comes the challenge of finding The Sweet Spot in working quality time with family and self-care. It's hard to get it right. It's hard not to let what you want your family to have supersede the need to appreciate what they already have. Some days I get it right. Some days I get it wrong.

My constant ask of my kids is for them to forgive me. If you are a parent reading this, maybe you will get my struggle. I wanna give them more so they can do more with less. I want my children to be able to see the benefits of what we did for their children…and if they're so privileged, their children's children. I want to create a legacy of spiritual, academic, and financial wealth. If that can be created, then then maybe we got it right…and even though there was some discomfort in the process, the hope is that one day my children will see the reason why. The hope is that my impact was lined with my intentions, and a little Grace is given by my children to me.

So if I get it all wrong, I hope that my intentions are close to my impact. I hope that my children can see what I was trying to do. On the other hand, maybe they won’t understand…Maybe this blog is just an excuse to come up short and not be held accountable. Maybe it is it and ask them to move on. I am not really sure how it's all going to play out. What I know is this: I love them! I only want the best for them and that's always been at the center of what I do…At the same time, I only get one shot at this parenting thing…and sometimes I don’t get the luxury to sacrifice the present for the benefit of the future.

Where is the sweet spot? I don't know. My hope is that my delay in learning the perfect mix of preparing for the future versus living in the now does not do more harm than good. And if my children get the privilege to become parents, my constant prayer is that a foundation was built for them to learn from my pain and offer parenting in a way that I dreamed of becoming a reality.

A father who is always learning,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

This Ain't No Solo Project

March 31, 2025

Changing the world ain't no solo project! - Unknown

Ms. Avery is here for the team!

I got the privilege of meeting Ms. Avery. Before she became a teenager, she had already served jail time for the rights so many of us take for granted. And more than 60 years later she's still at it. Why? Because social charge ain't no solo project. She understands fighting for the betterment of humanity does not have a retirement plan. It's a lifetime contract! Many of us are in breach of our contract to better humanity. Because of these acts of insubordination, others can't complete their roles to better humanity. We gotta do better!

The privilege of being a professor who teaches dual credit students is that I get to interact with teenagers and get perspectives that others have been disconnected from for decades. It's important because teenagers are not simply the future, they're the present and the future they are the today and the tomorrow. It's important that we hold on to that perspective. A lot of high school students taking college courses (or just high school students in general) have this misconception that their success is a solo project. They have this belief that they must do everything on their own and they should never have to ask for help. The logic is if they need help, then they're doing it wrong. To anyone reading this: if you've ever felt this way, I am here to tell you that’s a bold-face-lie! It means the collective has failed you! (Sometimes our egos are part of the failure.)

Here’s the truth: success is far from a solo project. When I think about my dissertation process and how overwhelming it has been at times. It is most overwhelming when I forget that my dissertation is not a solo process. My dissertation is a team project. I might be the face of the dissertation; my name might be the author, but there are so many others moving behind the scenes to make sure that I can get to the finish line. There is my dissertation chair…she is as cool as the other side of the pillow AND a rockstar! She helps me see through the fog of this dissertation journey and reminds me I'm not as far off as I thought, no matter how much doubt is trying to control the intricacies of my thought process. When I think about my household…my Hurd 3rd Crew, I find peace. Leading the way, in my beautiful bride, My Sunshine, who sacrifices so much. She creates space so that I can have the quiet time to be able to write and reflect in a manner that allows me to continue along with this process. My kids give me Grace and are extremely patient in their willingness to rearrange dates that are already scheduled with them. There are countless others who are also part of my support system. My support system understands that I can't do it all by myself because this ain't no solo project.

So, what does this mean for you? What does this mean for the individual who is busting their chops and feeling like they're doing it wrong? Well part of the challenge is being willing to say, “Hey! I need help!” Another part of the challenge is recognizing that you are the face of your success, but you alone do not make your success. So, what are you gonna do? How much are you willing to adjust your mindset and recognize that you need people?

When we think about the state of the world…when we think about the state of the United States and we think about all the polarizing things that are dividing us, we gotta find a starting point. If the ultimate goal for this country is to find any type of real healing, we must embrace that making that a reality ain’t no solo project. One person is not going to save the nation…one person is not going to fix it all. It’s gonna take a (national) team effort!

The acronym T.E.A.M. stands for together everyone achieves more. So, if people want to team up with you, let them! If you think you gotta be solo, think again! The small things and the societal-changing things are a team project. Remember, life isn't meant to be done alone!

Your teammate,
Elgrie J. Hurd III

 

Don't Look Back

 

February 28, 2025

There's a historical story of a man named Lot. He and his wife were told not to look back as they were being rescued from violence. Unfortunately, Lot's wife looked back. When she did, she was turned into a pillar of salt. There's a painful lesson there. Sometimes, looking back at where you come from does more harm than good.

Move forward; look forward

Earlier today, I spoke to some colleagues about how to navigate the hidden culture of the higher education industry. I told them, you gotta be willing to make yourself uncomfortable and do things you aren't used to doing. I got a lot of head nods, which is always encouraging. My hope is that all attendees will move to the next step and not be like so many others.

I'm over the people who keep recycling the following idea: I want things to be different [but they don't change anything]. They don't really wanna change. They want better results with old strategies. Too many people refuse to acknowledge an important truth: we like the idea of change but not the process to make it last. We want to remain in a state of comfort even when we need to accept being uncomfortable to get the results we want.

In February 2019 I wrote a blog post ( I’m Not Afraid of the Hustle). Growing up where I did, I had to learn to work smarter. Hard work does not guarantee anything because the rules for success keep changing. There's a podcast called The Pivot. The podcast has had several guests that have been interviewed, so that the audience (and the hosts) get details of the journey that has led to their guest's success. The last question they ask their guest is about a pivot in their life that was a game changer. This thought process has value beyond the podcast.

Pivoting isn't a one-time thing…if you want lasting success, your pivoting effort must be on-going. The change you want ain't for everybody! Some of you reading this need to know your biggest barrier is YOU! Life and/or circumstances have beaten you down to the point you believe your possibilities are indefinite impossibilities. For some of you, you must deal with the haters who don't wanna see you do well. Often those haters are people you admire and are part of your inner circle. Regardless of which one is your biggest barrier, you need to break free. You gotta move that barrier from your presentation to your past. 

There's a time and place to look back. When you have emerged out of the storm and you are thriving, then it's OK to consider looking where you came from. (If you gotta question if you are ready to look back, you ain’t ready!) But, when doubt and fear are leading the charge, put their sounds on mute! Don't look back! Keep your eyes on the prize that's in front of you!

Be well!
- Elgrie J.

Look How Far You've Come

 October 31, 2024

 Sometimes we normalize our reality. Some of us dismiss the fact that we were not always where we (currently) are. We often forget how far we have come. Unfortunately, when we do this, we miss an opportunity to build our confidence and understand our impact on the world. It also stops us from dreaming. When we accomplish a goal or live out a dream, we are giving ourselves permission to dream again. We are giving ourselves permission to create new goals.

There was a time when my 1st-born didn't believe in his running abilities. No one other than his dad was speaking to his ability. Eventually, a few coaches took notice. However, his belief was not aligned with theirs. He was stuck in where he started versus where he actually was. My son ran cross country all four years of high school. When he started 4 years ago, his team was not a team…they were individuals who were wearing the same uniform. This year was different. This year my son and his teammates were reflective. They didn't dwell on what they hadn't done. They celebrated where they come from. They lived in the moment. This approach carried into almost every race they had. And while their season didn't end the way they wanted, their appreciation of where they came and what they accomplished can never be taken from them. They created a new culture that has the potential to be part of the legacy they leave behind.

I am so excited about where I am in my life! I am so excited about what I get to do for my family and my community. My excitement is rooted in refusing to let my “what ifs” steal the excitement and peace of mind of what is going on in the here and now! Every setback and every lesson have built the foundation I need to thrive in the now. I needed doors shut on me…I needed disruptions and interference that were thrown my way…These experiences gave me humility and gratitude that were essential to personal and professional growth.

In the not-too-distant past, I got to take in how far I’ve come in a way I have never done before. I have always been a fan of Dr. Michael Eric Dyson. From the way that he writes, to the way he speaks, I have been inspired. My early research interests were supported by the writings of Dr. Dyson. When I was working on my master’s at San Jose State University, my research was focused on Hip-Hop. I was examining the good, the bad, and the ugly of Hip-Hop culture. Hip-Hop has been part of my cultural experience long before I had words to describe it. And in graduate school, I wanted to do my part to offer deeper insight into the complexities of Hip-Hop. My research led me to analyze the complexities of Tupac Shakur. There was a lot written about Tupac and Hip-Hop that I used for references. Nothing was as influential to me as the works of Dr. Dyson.

As a graduate student, I often could not afford a lot of the books I needed. Thankfully, I went to a university that had an awesome library. One of the books they had was Dyson’s Holler If You Hear Me (2001). I would spend nights reading and re-reading it…I would make notes in my 3” x 5” pocket memo pad that I still had from my undergraduate studies. Because the book was not mine, I wanted to make sure I made exhaustive notes. I wrote down direct quotes, page numbers, and my own commentary. I took so many notes, I almost ran out of space in my memo pad. I remember wishing I owed the book, so I could engage with the text like I had with books I owed. I did not know when, but I knew one day that would change.

That was 2005-2006. Now it is 2024. It is mind-blowing how far I have come! While I do not buy every book that could offer insight, I have more books with my handwritten responses than I did back at San Jose State. I have had the chance to review numerous textbooks and even get recognition by the authors in a few of them. There was a time when I just wanted people to give me a shot in academia. Now, I get the privilege to be requested as a subject matter expert. I have the honor to stay in touch with many of those who have mentored me. They have gotten a chance to see me mature. I have also been able to offer sage to those who are already full of so much wisdom. I thank them constantly for how they have blessed me. I see the value in full-circle moments, and I attempt to identify them as often as I can.

October 25, 2024, gave me another chance to have a full-circle moment. I was invited to attend a dinner where Dr. Michael Eric Dyson was being honored for his literary works. I brought two of my Dyson books and a pen with the hopes I could get an autograph. I arrived when he arrived; I parked as he was parking. We walked into the venue at the same time. He said good evening, and I could not say a word…I was too overwhelmed to say anything. Then, for a brief moment after the ceremony, he was alone. I thanked him for his writings. I told him that I wrote my master’s project on Tupac Shakur. I told him that his writings helped me share my thoughts on Tupac. I told him my occupation and he told me he was proud of the work I was doing. We took pictures. He signed my books, and we took more pictures. If you told me in 2006, I would be taking pictures with Dr. Michael Eric Dyson like we were besties, I would have never believed you. But it happened…it is an experience I’ll never forget.

Today is possible because of yesterday. Tomorrow is possible because of today. We often make the mistake of not remembering our personal and/or professional evolution. We manifest our goals more than we don't. It has been said that you need 5 positive comments to balance out one negative comment. For everything in your life you view as a failure, there are at least 5 things you have accomplished. My 2004 paved the way for my 2024. In those 20 years, there's more to celebrate than to dwell on. My belief is that is also true for you. If you look at how far you have come, I believe you should consider a celebration dance. Until then, I'm doing it for you!

 

Be well!
-Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

Find the Finish Line!

August 30, 2024

To my Sunshine 🌞, Dr. Barker, Dr. Ng, Dr. Danico, and Dr. Humber for believing in me when I did not believe in myself.  

I met my Sunshine 🌞 in 2002. When we first met, we talked about our biggest dreams. One of my biggest dreams was to earn a Ph.D. But, if I was being honest, it was just a dream. I had no idea what it took…my Sunshine 🌞 knew I could get it done. She didn't know when, but she knew it would happen…she knew I would reach the finish line. She believed so much that she changed my name in her cell phone to Dr. Hurd. My Sunshine 🌞 paved the way for others to call me Dr. Hurd. I appreciate all who saw the finish line for my doctoral journey. Unfortunately, I couldn't see it. I wasn't unaware of what I had or how to get across the finish line.

In high school I learned that I found another gear to run when I saw the finish line. Why does that matter? Because no matter the distance of the race…no matter how tired I was, there was ALWAYS something left in my energy tank. Knowing this gave me the confidence at the end of every race to catch whoever was in front of me and get to the finish line with everything I had. For many aspects of my life, this approach has worked. Unfortunately, sometimes effort isn't enough. Recently, my doctoral journey at Dallas Baptist University (DBU) has reminded me of a journey where effort was not enough to get to the finish line. September 2018 was my final attempt to finish what I started. I was enrolled in a Ph.D. program at another university off and on for nearly a decade. I had completed all my course work...I began working on the first two chapters of my dissertation. And then it all came to an end. I did not finish. I may have been close, but I could not see the finish line. No one in the program believed in me; I struggled to get those who were assigned to serve on my dissertation committee to see value in my topic. It led me to think maybe I finally met my academic match. Maybe this Ph.D. thing wasn't in the cards for me.

As a first-generation college student, having people who believe in me has always mattered…when I first came to DBU, I asked the provost and the program director, “Why did you all take me into your program when I didn't finish the last doctoral program I was in?” And they said, “What you submitted combined with your interview gave us the idea that you had a chance to actually finish what you started, given the right resources.” …Now, how the right resources were interpreted was often different between how I saw it versus how the university saw it...And while it was true, I did have some faculty who believed in me. I don't know if their belief in me alone could counteract my self-doubt from past attempts and the faculty who didn't believe in me. (And for those who didn't believe in me, it wasn't the fact that they specifically said they didn't believe in me, it was their unintentional dismissal of things I brought to the table that went against the status quo that already existed in academia.) It was having classmates who were in the trenches with me who not only had a similar goal to complete this journey, but their stories were culturally relevant to me and my stories were culture relevant to them. And so, when I hit my dark spots, they shined light for me. And when they were in their darkest spots, I shined light for them. It was my family making sacrifices and my friends who already had a Ph.D. becoming my hype team when I was deflated. All these resources served as opportunities for iron sharpening iron. These resources helped me in undergrad to fight through challenges that seem insurmountable. In my first master's program, these resources helped me overcome academic rejection from other universities, navigate career choices/research ideas, and overcome systemic discrimination that exists in our criminal Justice system. And so, we fast forward to 2024 and I was reminded how leaning on my village still matters!

I might be accomplished in many things, but when it comes to navigating academics beyond my job duties, it often feels overwhelming. It often feels like I'm not good enough. Earlier this month I had to complete my written and oral comprehensive exams to become a doctoral candidate at DBU. The comprehensive exams have been talked about and presented as the big scary monster in the closet since the first day of the program. Many of my classmates were overwhelmed about these exams before we got through our 1st month of our program! As we approached August 2024, many classmates had different strategies on how they were going to be successful and how they needed to prepare for these comprehensive exams. In a doctoral program, there isn't 1 finish line…There are 2 finish lines. One finish line was passing the comprehensive exams. The other finish line is finishing your dissertation. For me, I always saw the finish line for the comprehensive exams. I believe that my past experiences and my understanding of learning and the application of learning would collide with the comprehensive exams…I believed I would get the victory. At times, the hysteria of classmates, the cryptic tales of graduates sharing their journey sometimes clouded my ability to see the finish line. When I got away from all that chaos and put on my noise-reduction academic headphones, I found clarity, and I went back to what I knew to prepare myself for success.

Just like when I ran 5ks, I had something no one could take away from me. And when it came to the comprehensive exams, I knew I had been preparing for this since the 1st day I started…Every class in every discussion I tied it to a general research idea and preparation for the comprehensive exams. So, when I got the results back that I had passed all parts, to say I was elated is an understatement. It was also vindication that I truly had seen that first finish line.

I can’t lie, this second finish line is unfamiliar. It’s a place I've never experienced before and my previous attempt to complete a Ph.D. finish line did not go as planned. But this experience is different for all the right reasons. I believe in the possibilities…I believe the possibilities can be my reality. I understand everything that did not happen as planned has paved the way for everything that is happening right now. For the first time everything's coming together and something that was once a scattered puzzle, is now lacking one final piece for completion. And as for someone who's not big on puzzles, it's cool that I know where the final piece is and where to put the final piece. I know where the final piece is because I have been given the cheat code by so many people who have walked with me. Every step of this journey, it prepared me…and I see! I'm able to see the glitch in the matrix…Sometimes the glitch was my doubt, which was in hibernation. I now know how to move that doubt out of the way. I know what it takes to get there! I'm here for it! I've trained and prepared for this day. And the finish line is not far.

When you are in unfamiliar territory, some of us need someone/something to assure us we will be fine. Sometimes we need a reminder we are on the right track towards the finish line until we can see/envision the finish line. Sometimes it's the people around us. Sometimes it's a feeling you are on the right track. Sometimes it's the voice of God. Sometimes it's all of those. I can't say what it will be for you to help you get to the finish line that seems impossible or that's part of a whole new journey that you'd never experience before. What I can say is if you want to get there…if you want the victory…if you want the confidence, tap into the things that have given you confidence in the past, and figure out how to parlay those into something new and amazing. I look forward to completing my academic race. My hope is that you get to cross all the finish lines that you never thought were possible because impossible is nothing!

The finish line is closer than you think…that is true for me too. To get to my doctoral journey finish line, I must utilize some of the strategies I mastered as a distance runner: I gotta minimize distractions; I gotta channel my energy on efficiency. That means I may reply to communication slower, and I may have less fellowship with the people who have been part of my village. If you know me, that is a big ask. But it is what I gotta do. It is what I owe to all of those who have paved the way for me. I don't know if that means this blog goes on a hiatus or if this blog continues to be a training ground for my writing…What I do know is, I see the finish line! It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when! Thank you for celebrating my journey to the next finish line. Watch me work!!!

 

Elgrie J
- Doctoral Candidate, Leadership Studies, Gary Cook School of Leadership, Dallas Baptist University