My PSA for DEI

February 28, 2021

For some, Black History Month comes to an end on February 28th (February 29th on leap year). And for some it's the end of the efforts to embrace diversity. Some expect a pat on the back for doing the right thing. Some even expect a free pass for future wrongdoings because they partied on the diversity bandwagon. I have been doing work tied to diversity for nearly 20 years. For the last 3 years I have had the privilege to teach psychology, sociology, counseling, and leadership classes in the capacity of a full-time professor. Every time I teach, I intentionally seek to imbed diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) concepts in my classes because it matters...I'm not here for the applause; I'm here to work because it needs to be done. I'm here to do the work because I can!

I'm here to help make DEI a tangible reality. I'll lead, organize, and educate. When I am hired in the various capacities centered around DEI, there are some important things to keep in mind…

○     #1) Hiring me doesn't should not end an organization's efforts of diversity, equity, and inclusion.

○     #2) I do not know everything regarding DEI, nor am I required to.

○     #3) Diversity and inclusion is NOT about being politically correct. It IS about empathy and recognizing humanity in everyone.

Think bigger when it comes to DEI

The burden of DEI is something for all of us to do. Participation in DEI is not like passing your driver's license test or getting a degree from a college/university...it's not a one-time thing. To do it right requires a lifetime commitment. It requires doing work AND being accountable. Being accountable AND having empathy. It requires you to not accept the mindset of jellyfish syndrome. (Jellyfish syndrome is a mindset of having good intentions but doing more harm than good.) This blog does not serve as your education on DEI issues. This is a public service announcement.

Each of us has to accept we can be part of the problem and part of the solution at the exact same time. Each of us needs to seek to offer more effort to the solution rather than the problem. Accountability matters. And being an ally is a step in the right direction, but it's not the end-all-be-all. It is part of the lifetime journey to empower the voices and stories that have been systemically AND systematically denied.

#AlliesWanted in this fight. Will you join the fight?

In Solidarity,
Professor Elgrie J. Hurd, III

 

Confessions of Being a Dad

 

January 26, 2021

Dedicated to my first-born who started it all, and my sons who have come after...

 

I absolutely love being a dad. It is one of the things I constantly thank God for on a daily basis. I love my kids. I even like my kids. I know those are no small feats. And in this pandemic, I am learning that my dynamic is not universal.

While I love being a dad, becoming one was one of the most frightening things to consider. A constant battle in my mind was... what if I get wrong? Unfortunately, that is still a daily struggle. Thankfully, doubt seems to be losing each round lately. For me, I seek to be a daddy that is different from the negative stereotypes. Not because it is uncommon, but because it is the right thing to do. I often write these blogs with a focus on my daughters. This time I decided to focus on my sons.

There is so much on the line to get it right as a dad of a son. I want my sons to be free of seeing toxic masculinity modeled by the men in their life (including by me). I want them to know when they see me cry, that is OK, and it does not make them less of a cisgender male. I want them to know it is not a form of weakness to be vulnerable and transparent. I try to be intentional in allowing my sons to see me in these moments and offering commentary because it matters.

It is important for my sons to know that I do make mistakes. I seek to model for them that not only do mistakes happen, but we should find ways to be accountable and learn from them. At the same time, I want my sons to know that effort and discipline are not enough to get the results we desire. I want them to know that we live in a very broken world, full of broken people and unjust policies that often reinforce the brokenness. It is not right; it is not fair; it is reality. Hence, part of the journey for success is navigating with the right awareness and the right support systems. Another part of the journey is finding ways to address the brokenness in a way that benefits others who are denied opportunities.

And with all that I want for them, I know I can be a barrier to things I want for them. In my efforts to protect them from pain I experienced, I forget the positive life-altering things that came with the pain of my past. In an effort to encourage safety, I unintentionally suffocate their dreams and imagination. My hope is that my shortcomings do not cause my sons to become their own dream killers. My mistakes do not have to be their mistakes. In fact, I hope they would do like I did…hold onto the things my dad did/does well and improve on the things he did not.

 

All of the things I have shared in this blog post are important for me to share with my sons. But none of it compares to the importance of their souls. I want my sons to have the opportunity to find peace and glory on the other side of eternity. I want them to know who their Heavenly Father is...what He has done and continues to do for our family. I want them to know (as much that is humanly possible) the depth of Jesus’ love and sacrifice for them. I do not want their understanding to be limited to what they read; I want them to see it in me. I want them to see it in my prayers with them and my actions around them. I want their measuring stick of success to not be defined by me, but by the blueprint Jesus laid out for us. As a dad who seeks to serve Christ, following Jesus is the greatest legacy to my sons. If this legacy is embraced at some level by sons, my parenting to them is not a failure. Only time will tell. Until time reveals the final product, I will continue to pray and love on them relentlessly.

 

Let love rule!
- Elgrie J./Daddy (to my kids)

Year 2020 Doesn't get the Victory

 

December 23, 2020

This year has been hard for so many reasons. Some of the reasons include...

●     COVID-19 and the pandemic attached to it. Too many love ones died, and too many survivors of COVID-19 were/are undertreated and underserved

●     Hate crimes against Blacks and in the United States gone viral

●     Hate crimes against ethnic/racial minorities and the Queer community at an all-time high in the United States

●     Thousands people out of jobs

●     Students struggling in an overwhelming digital learning environment

●     Leaders focused on themselves instead of the people they serve

In spite of all of the chaos and heartache, we are still here. We are the heart and backbone of the United States of America; we are the underdogs. The odds are stacked against us, yet we refuse to allow 2020 to get the best of us. We will NOT be the losers of 2020.

For many, our strength is revealed in times of crises. We have learned that there's more to us than meets the eye; there is power that we have yet to harness. This power flows through our ability to endure and invigorates our creativity. The fruits of this power are as follows: We have found new ways to serve others, combat debt, build equity, and fight for all of humanity.

All of those who have come before me are part of my inspiration. My elders, community leaders of the present and past, and my ancestors inspire me. They have given up so much in the hope I would have so much more. What a privilege and honor! And I recognize the source of those who inspire me to be strong and creative comes from my original source, Jesus Christ.

I alone am not enough to take on the toxicity of the world. And every day I am reminded I am not alone. On my wrist is a wristband that reads Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ. I believe this with all my heart. I believe even in failures I am victorious. I am victorious because my setbacks don't mean the end...They are setups for the next chapter. The failures remind me the work is not done, because in the end Jesus WILL get the victory. The victory may not end to my liking, but it WILL end with a victory for the King of Kings!

The toxic economic, social, emotional, and spiritual attacks of 2020 will not get the victory in my life. They will not rule everything around me. I will reflect on my source, because with Him impossible is nothing! Find your victories! Celebrate them! Carry the victories into 2021, leaving 2020 in utter defeat.

 -       Elgrie J. Hurd III, Victor of Year
2020

We Haven't Arrived Yet

November 26, 2020

My Madam Vice President-Elect

In 2008 the United States of America (USA) got its first Black President. In 2020 the USA got its first Black Vice President. A Black woman is next in line to be President! I could see many making the argument that we (the USA) have transcended race and that gender roles are no longer barriers in this country. As much as I yearn for this reality, it is still just a dream.

Former President Barack Obama and Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris are not the norm for the Black experience in the United States, they are the exception. Madam Vice President-elect Kamala Harris is not the norm for the experience of women (especially Black women), she is the exception. I am excited about the possibilities of what these two milestones mean for the United States, People of Color and women. Yet, I struggle to celebrate. In my heart I know we have not arrived.

If we truly have arrived in 2020, things that should be norms would no longer be exceptions. For me, the following are not norms...

●     No longer having trepidations about my eldest son making it home safely

●     Not having others associate my success solely with affirmative action or charity, rather than being tied to hard work

A Chuck-full of peace with my Hurd 3rd Crew

●     My daughter constantly feeling beautiful outside our home and not be dehumanized because of her passion

●     Brothers and Sisters of different pigmentation and cultures to stop denying the intentional 
and systemic oppression of Blacks

●     My wife's passion expressed in her to not be seen as angry when she is not. (What she is often doing is gracefully attacking the false sense of supremacy tied to white fragility.) 

The elections of 2020 have shown us that the USA is still divided. We still have citizens who believe changes in laws mandate changes in the hearts of people. That's not how it works. We can make all the laws and execution orders. This only addresses part of the problem. Heart issues defy logic. Heart issues require an embracing of the truth for lasting change. The humanitarian and attorney Bryan Stevenson spoke about the United States having a racial bias legacy. He said, “We haven't really talked much about the legacy of racial bias...I don’t think we can be free...until we address this problem. But to get there, we’re going to have to be willing to tell the truth.” We cannot arrive as a country until we deal with the truth. Ignoring the truth keeps exceptions as exceptions, and stops the expansion of norms we all deserve to experience.

2021 is coming soon. We can hit the reset button, or make 2021 a new version of 2020. I say, "Do better!" Deal with the truths of our country...the good, the bad, and the ugly. That is how we do better! Are you ready?!

-       Elgrie J./Prof. H.

There's More Than Enough

September 12, 2020

I love the film Pay It Forward (2000). I used to show it in my psychology and sociology classes to illustrate how the power of one individual can change the world. I believe it is not just an idea limited to being done in the movies.

In hindsight, I have observed the concept of paying it forward since early childhood. However, it wasn’t until middle childhood and adolescence I appreciated it for what it was. The first person I appreciated paying it forward was my mother. The experience came in an unexpected way. When I was growing up there was a time my mother spent incarcerated. While serving her time she used to help others. She poured into teens who were also behind bars. She shared her mistakes (often holding back nothing), so they did not have to experience some of the more extreme situations through the school of hard knocks. She didn't have to, but she did.

My mother’s road to a different life outside of prison blossomed out of others paying it forward to her. Those people understood the phrase "you don't know what you don't know." They wanted my mom to know; they did not want their pain to be in vain. A great poet once said, “don’t be selfish with your pain.” Our pain is not just for us. When we pay it forward, we model this motto.

I am a husband, father, college graduate, a mentor, a coach, and a professor because people have paid it forward for me. They used their blessings to bless me (in the hope I would be a blessing to others). Every day I seek to use what I have been blessed with to bless others. I do this because I believe in the definition of blessing. The definition of bless is to bestow good of any kind.

For some, the concept of blessing may seem too touchy-feely. So, let me offer another perspective: You should feel obligated to help others for at-least three reasons: 

1. It makes you better. Helping others learn something you have mastered or experienced makes you more knowledgeable on that topic/situation. As you continue to develop your own understanding, you could become a local expert on that topic/situation. This could allow you to parlay it to endless opportunities that could benefit you in the short and long-term.
2. Economically speaking (on a national level), it helps government funding be used in an empowering way. I often hear of complaints of government money being used to help the less fortunate as if it is a burden. (I think that is an oversimplification of efforts to address inequity. This is not the focus on this particular analysis). You want the government’s burden to be lightened?! Step up!!! “Lift while you climb.” When we help empower others, we help the entire nation.
3. If none of these things move you, it may be worthwhile to acknowledge you might have a self-imposed denial of how you arrived. Your success was not derived solely from you. Someone or some people helped you along the way. So why deny it? Why not do what was done for you and be a conduit for others?!

There's this capitalistic myth that there's not enough blessings for everyone to have one. Too many of us get our piece of the pie and act like we can’t share. Why is it OK for others to help you, but beneath you to do the same? In the end, we reap what we sow. So, if paying it forward is not an option for you, what are you sowing?

- Elgrie J./Prof. H.

Living Like You Dying

Dedicated to the Memory of Chadwick Boseman, a King

August 28, 2020

I didn’t know Chadwick Boseman...I don't know his family or a whole lot of details of his back story. I know I love him as an actor. Like watching Jamie Foxx in Ray (2004), I always forget he's not the person he is portraying. Chadwick brought out the empathy in you to feel the emotions of any character he embodied. That is no easy feat...and as a movie goer it seemed so effortlessly...Part of his purpose.

When Chadwick Boseman entered a scene, he
 embodied his character...he made us believe

I don't know Chadwick Boseman. I do know that he battled cancer in the midst of making a bunch of movies. I get it. I get being diagnosed with cancer tends to change everything. It did for me...it tends to push people to live each day like it is your last day (because it just might be). You live like you are dying. So, you give the world every bit of you...leaving nothing in the tank.

IF you survive cancer on this side of eternity, there are no off days. Giving every ounce of energy you have is a requirement...you do it because it is a slap in the face to anyone who didn't physically survive their cancer…I find myself pushing to my limits in all that I do...parenting, marriage, work, fitness, learning...in your mind you tell yourself there's no letting up. You honor those who fought cancer in how you live.

Chadwick Boseman was not just an actor,
he was a King to so many

For those who wanna honor Chadwick, be the best version of yourself. Be the best contributor to humanity that you can be. Stop waiting for a comic book beginning that gives you superpowers. Be great now!

And if being the best version of yourself is not you right now, ask yourself, "why?" Ask yourself, “what are you willing to do to be the best version of you?" For the United States of America, we are NOT the best version of ourselves...and if we are being honest, we have never been. Fortunately, our past doesn't have to be our future. It can be better.

A wise king once shared something that too many people ignored: "In times of crisis, the wise build bridges while the foolish build barriers." What will you build for the future?

-  Elgrie J

#ChadwickBoseman
#ChadwickBosemanForever
#WakandaForever  

Find a Dream Partner

Dedicated to my Dream Partner

August 3, 2020

My Dream Partner, my Sunshine

What does it mean to have a dream partner? It is a person who shares the dream/dreams you have and works with you to make them a reality. Dream partners can be business partners, or family members. For me, it is my wife, my Sunshine. If you know our story, you know that we have been dream partners ever since we met. I met my dream partner at California State Polytechnic University, Pomona. We dreamed there...we built there...I proposed to her there. The best decision I ever made in college was marrying my Sunshine. Yet, it almost did not happen.

My proposal to get married was almost the proposal that never happened. Even though I had the support from members of her family and my family, I was scared to dream with her beyond college life. I was a first-generation college student, I had no wealth, and my car was barely holding on. All I had was “a couple of college credits and my top-notch brain.” I had a dream to change the world. In my mind I thought who would give up a world of comfort for that? Would my Sunshine want to build that dream into a reality with me? This concern hindered my efforts to blow her away with a romantic proposal...I feared she would say no. In my most vulnerable state, she said yes. She said she would marry me and began to dream.

Our marriage has been full of dreams and nightmares. I am thankful the dreams outweigh the nightmares by a long shot. This year, my Sunshine and I dreamed of having our own forever home. In January 2020, we began looking at homes. We were not ready to have our own home, but we wanted to get ideas. We came upon this home not far from us. The moment we walked in, my Sunshine was in love with the house. She saw things I could not see. She was dreaming of possibilities, and I was stuck in reality. Unfortunately, when we began to seriously look at homes, only one of us was dreaming. I was thinking in the now, my Sunshine was dreaming about the future. And then in May 2020, we saw a house. It was nice. It had potential, but there was a problem. My Sunshine pointed out that this home was good for the family right now, but what about the future? We could not grow in this house. At that moment, I realized that I had stopped being her dream partner. My Sunshine was dreaming alone. I was seeing convenience while she was seeing more. My shortcoming rocked me, and I told her, "I want to dream with you." From the moment forward, we dreamed of not settling...we dreamed of a home that would allow our family to grow and bless others.

My dream partner put my commitment to the test. The house we saw in January that she loved, was the first house we saw once we found a realtor to help us. In June, it was still the only house that was aligned with our forever home dream wish list. We drove by it (together and separately). When we drove by it, we prayed about it. If this was not going to be our home, we wanted something just like it. And then one day, we walked by it. We saw a potential neighbor. We introduced ourselves and asked him to pray that we get this house and become his neighbors. Then, we shared our vision with some of our closest loved ones. They encouraged us to go for it. We wrote the seller a letter. In the letter we said…

Our desire is to grow our family. We know to do this, the space needs to be bigger than where we currently reside; welcoming for growth...Over the last few years we have become part of the city. Our children attend the local public schools and we are actively serving the community because we want to contribute to its legacy.

Since we moved to Texas, it has been our dream to have a forever home. We have worked tirelessly to get to this point. Making this home our home will have made the journey worth it. If you accept our offer, you are helping two educators achieve their dreams, so we can focus on helping others achieve theirs. Our desire is to close on July 31^st. This is our wedding anniversary. We feel that closing on this date would be an indelible reminder of the blessings the Year 2020 has brought to our family.

Sold to the Hurd 3rd Crew

The seller did not accept our initial offer; we accepted the counter. We did not close on the house on our wedding anniversary, but pretty close to it. From a sentimental perspective, it was not what we wanted. We also recognized the closing date was not deal breaker either. We had several hiccups along the way. Yet, because we were dreaming together, setbacks were just setups for success to get this home. When one of us was losing confidence on the journey, the other partner reminded us that our journey was bigger than us; our potential impact was bigger than us. Our faith in our dreams were bigger than our doubts. We focused on what was to come, rather than what was.

16 years later, I love how we are still finding new ways to dream. My Sunshine continuously shows me that if we dare to dream, there is no limit to what we can do. Even in the midst of economic uncertainty and a global pandemic, we dreamed beyond what we could see. For years, my wife and I were members of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, led by Dr. Tony Evans. One of the sermons that stuck with me was his sermon of faith. He defined faith as “acting like it is so, even when it’s not so, in order than it might be so, simply because God said so.” For us, faith requires us to do our part, and letting God do the rest. The challenge is being patient for God’s timing. Thankfully, our faith in God is mutual. We believe we are each other’s dream partner. And that cohesive faith goes a long way. My challenge to others is to find a dream partner. Find someone who dreams with you based on faith, not by sight. For dreams to be what they need to be you have to have faith. Faith that believes impossible is nothing. Dream together! A dream partner must be faithful. You must be faithful with your dream partner. So, dream on!

- Elgrie J., The Dream Partner of Althea C. (my Sunshine)