Free to Pushback, Free to Question

Dedicated to those who claim/want to be allies to Blacks

June 19, 2020

In 2020, part of the world decided to give a damn about Black people in the United States. Yet, more people outside the USA care than in the USA. 2020 became a viral reminder to non-Blacks that my body is still a threat; my wife's body is a threat; my children's bodies are threats. We threaten the perception of the inhumanity assigned to our bodies. And while some cringe at the words, it does not make it any less true. The inhumanity assigned to our Black bodies is caused by a white supremacy curtain that is continuously ignored.

What should come next? Everyone has a strategy. Some ideas seem realistic; some are so over the top I see them as purely entertainment for my imagination. Proven allies and potential allies have been asking for the input of Black people in the U.S. For me, I am at a point where to be effective in what I do, I have to pushback. To keep my mental health where it needs to be, I need to be able to question my allies.

Do you have jellyfish syndrome ally traits? I’m numb to self-perceived allies giving historical and contemporary excuses. I'm not looking for justification; I'm looking for you to step up!!! Yes it's that serious! (It’s always been that serious!) Convenient allies are a problem! If this is you, then you're the problem! Long before there was a term to coin your actions and inactions, you were a problem. When the times get tough, historically why have you hidden? To be clear, I don't want your sadness. Nor do I want your oppressor-group tears because comforting your guilt to drown in my sea of trauma is NOT an option. Jellyfish syndrome ally is your name!!! Good intentions from afar, but your ally behavior is deadly up close, and you don't even know it!

So, I am free to say I don't believe you...I don't trust you. It is gonna take more than some protests or social media posts to woo me. I am free to question your commitment and your integrity. An apology on being tone-deaf does not get you instant access to my heart. I still have more questions. I ask this question: Why now? What's so different about the Spring of 2020 that has caused you to act? White supremacy was real in 1985...it was real in 1992...it was real in 2005, 2006, and 2009...It has never stopped! The evidence of white supremacy has never stopped. And my body has never stopped being in danger or being perceived as a danger. How can I accept apologies without individuals owning the contributions to a system that hates my humanity? Your awareness may be new; the threat to my humanity is not!

When it is all said and done, I'm free to change my mind on how I feel about allies and those who want to be allies. Until then, please don't take it personal. For me, my life is more valuable than your feelings. You are free to pushback; you are free to question. And I am free to do the same!

Unapologetically Black and Proud,

Elgrie J. Hurd III

So What Are You Teaching?

May 9, 2020

This wasn't part of the plan. This isn’t what I wanted to write about, but it is necessary. If I am to honor the teachers who I seek to honor I have to write this. For me, teaching is not about teaching new things. Teaching is often about changing mindsets. As teachers, we often seek to give you a new way to look at something that you are already familiar with. Teachers give words and efficient strategies to what we tend to have already been exposed to. I learned that from my first real mentor, Mr. Rhem Bell. Mr. Bell was like a real-life Furious Styles, the character Lawrence Fishburne played in film Boyz n the Hood (1991). Mr. Bell wanted me to understand the power to real change starts in the mind. Maybe that's why I fell in love with psychology and sociology.

Too many of us think we aren't teachers because we don't have children or because our title is not teacher. But, we are all teachers. We teach others with our words; we teach others with our actions. So, what are you teaching with your words? What are you teaching with your actions? In my fight for humanity, I had a teacher who I have never told her how much she changed my views of the world. I've known one of my Frat Brothers since junior high. I remember being at his house and someone used the phrase “I hate him/I hate you!!!” And then with lightning speed his mother showed up. She said, “don't hate people; hate their attitudes.” In that encounter, she planted a seed in me. I am eternally grateful.

Two teachers gave me two lessons. Two lessons that I try to use every day. I'm not perfect; I have plenty of slip ups. The key is to know when you are slipping up. To know when you are slipping up, you have to recognize mindset roadblocks stopping you from being the best teacher you can be. There are usually three possible mindset roadblocks…

○     #1: Cognitive dissonance: We think one way, but behave in contradiction of that thought

○     #2: Silence: When we know we should say or do something, but we don’t 

○     #3: Guilt: You get defensive on what’s on topic because you know you should be doing more

If we want to change future generations, if we want to change work and community environments, we don't get to be selfish. We do not get to pass the buck for someone else to step up to create the change. We do not get to wait until older generations die. That is not how it works. Their lessons live on if we do not step up. To the teachers who teach change...Thanks! Keep it up! To those who don't...your grace period is over! #DoBetter ...The whole world is depending on you!

-       Elgrie J., an official and unofficial teacher in all things I do

Through Her Eyes...

March 31, 2020

March encourages me to focus on the impact of women in my life. To be clear, I do it all year round...March tends to be my hyper focus. And with the United States joining in the quarantine and social distancing due to COVID-19, I have had more time to reflect.

Through their eyes I learn so much!

As a child, I had the honor to meet several survivors of the World War II Axis Powers’ concentration camps. Despite their inhumane treatment they never lost their humanity. Eventually, I heard the story of Anne Frank. The quote from her diary still moves me...

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t
build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the
world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again."

I love Anne Frank's hope in humanity…Her ability to see the strengths despite the falls. To me, that does not mean you do not call out injustice. It simply points not to throw the baby out with the bath water. For me, my hope in humanity has always come from the women in my life.

Sometimes you get the privilege of having people in your family who get you. They give you hope that others will get you, and that not everyone is a jerk. When I was young, the first two who got me were my mother and my eldest sister. But then life gets real...they both died. I started to believe maybe hope is just a childish idea.

Then in college some woman with afro puffs offers me something I had forgotten about...hope...hope in me. Hope that my pain was NOT in vain. She gave me hope in marriage...hope in having a family...She gave me hope that I would beat cancer...Hope that I would find a job after being unemployed for almost a year even as the bills and stress mount. Most importantly, she gave me hope that forgiving those who wronged me would heal me in ways I could not imagine. Through her eyes I believe this country...the whole world can be better. I believe hope can be found in the present and the future.

I see the future of hope in my daughter, Klarc Joy Vida. Like the sister she is named after, she finds the good in people. Whether it is a school bully, or an unethical elected official. She believes there tends to be more good than bad in people. And in the world that has darkness, she has hope. A LOT OF IT! Hope helps you see the light, no matter how small. I need people like her; she helps me believe that hope for future generations is not lost.

Don't lose hope. Don’t stop calling out injustice. Find people in your life that give you hope. Through the eyes of the top two women in my life, I find hope. I look through their eyes. Hope leads to love. And when we have love, "Let Love Rule!"

- Elgrie J.

It Shouldn't Matter

It Shouldn't Matter

February 28, 2020

Let me reintroduce myself...my name is Elgrie Jones Hurd III. I am a professor of psychology and sociology at a community college. This is not how I usually introduce myself. Yet, there are times I do choose to introduce myself this way because it allows me to be recognized...recognized as a human that requires respect.

Just a reminder...
I'm HELLA BLACK in February.
I got a shirt made to help people out!

February is Black History Month. It was designed as a reminder of how Black people in the United States (and the world) have contributed in a meaningful way. Somehow some misconceptions have happened along the way. One misconception is that Black History Month is only for Black people. Another misconception is that February is the only month to celebrate Black people. Black history is American history; Black history is world history. Recognizing Black people should be done every day of every month. And because Black people are often not recognized as humans, hashtags like #BlackLivesMatter are still relevant.

One of the reasons people use #BlackLivesMatter is because throughout the world, especially in the United States, if you identify (or are identified) as Black there is often a second-class/inhuman treatment that comes along with Blackness. The criminal justice system, the educational system, the entertainment system...any system that exists tends to belittle the worth of the Black experience. #BlackLivesMatter is about equity not equality. Equality means everyone has an equal opportunity. Equality assumes everyone starts off with the same resources (or starting point). We do not live in a world of equality. We do not all start off with the same resources. Equity seeks to create resources to close the gaps that prevent equality from becoming a reality. Hashtags like #AllLivesMatter and #BlueLivesMatter misses the point that #BlackLivesMatter seeks to be inclusive. Until #BlackLivesMatter, a concept #AllLivesMatter is a false statement. Our current state of affairs in the USA shows that Blacks do not matter. Therefore, all lives don’t matter!

Kelvin B. Givens IV,
 also known as "K4"

Earlier in February, the world lost Kelvin Givens, IV. He was a mentee of mine. Someone who was a participant in a workforce training program I used to work for. He died unexpectedly. He was barely 22. I went to the visitation service to pay my respect to his family and him. I even spoke to his family about the impact he had on me. So many people, from all walks of life came to speak of his awesomeness. They all spoke about how their lives were better by knowing him. He was not an inventor; he was not a celebrity; he was a Black man who shined in a way that benefited others. That is NOT why he mattered. He was also a son, a brother, a nephew, cousin, a grandson, and a friend. He existed!!! And that’s why he mattered.

Black History is every day!

Do you know Remi Berriola, Rahyem Hood, Laurine Miles, Romeo Young, Larry Mimms, Esau Johnson, Chandra Joy Shirley, Ida Lee Johnson, or Joan Williams???? I do...I bet if you are not Black, you know someone who identifies as Black. They don't have to be famous. Their existence alone is enough to matter. The only thing that should matter is that the individual is a person. But for this to become a reality, all of us must contribute to validating Black people from all walks of life…Black people with various viewpoints. I challenge every person who reads this to help Black lives matter. I challenge every person who reads this to make time to celebrate Black lives near you. Dr. Seuss wrote “[a] person is a person, no matter how small.” I would like to add to this quote. A person should matter no matter their skin tone; no matter how Black they are. #BlackLivesMatter #IAmCauseWeAe

- Professor Elgrie J. Hurd III, M.A., A.B.D.

No Strings Attached

Dedicated to my Hurd 3rd Crew…

February 1, 2020

My eldest's first recital

January 26th is one of my favorite days of the year. It is my firstborn's birthday. 2020, he turned 13. I wanted to make it special. My son is a simple kid. He did not ask for much. So, I gave him what he wanted, plus a road trip with his maternal grandfather and me. For the whole trip it was all about him. He even got some say in our musical choices for the 6-hour road trip.

On the way back home, my wife sent my son a text. My son said, "Mommy said turn the radio onto a sports radio station.” I did not want to decipher through her coded message, so I called her. She told me some sad news had happened; Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash. Later I learned his 13-year-old daughter was on the plane too, as well as 7 other people.

Esau exchanging baking ideas with a professional chef

I thought I would process this as a fan of hoops and a father. Turns out, I processed it only as a father. My appreciation of Kobe Bryant was never about basketball; it was always about his mentality to achieve. It was about his Mamba Mentality; his never quit mentality even when he had nothing left to give. As my kids got older, I read articles and heard interviews with Kobe Bryant. The longer I was parent, the more my appreciation grew regarding his mentality toward wanting to be a better husband; my appreciation grew as it related to his efforts as a father. As I learn more of what did (after his passing), he reminded me of some things…

James Robert tells a story

We don't get to choose how our kids love us. We should not strive to live our dreams through our kids, or think they have to embrace what brought us joy in our lives. As parents, especially as fathers, we need to embrace the moments we get to share with our children.

I have 4 children; 3 boys and 1 girl. I also have 3 goddaughters. Most of them are not into sports like I am. I used to be a little jaded about that. Then I realized what they did for me. They have taught me new things about myself by embracing who they are. Whether it is fashion, acting, singing, martial arts, construction vehicles, poetry, writing, drawing, painting, mythology, comic books, dystopian books, or just being silly. By celebrating who they are I have unlocked a piece of myself I did not know existed (or I had forgotten existed). Daily, they remind me of the privilege of being a parent; of being a dad.

Klarc Joy Vida modeling her fashion design

Fight with all you have to help them see and be the greatness that is within them. Fight for them without a guilt trip. Your children should not feel guilty that you sacrificed for them. They should feel honored and loved by your sacrifice. They should know you do it because you want to; you do it because they are worth it (and then some). Fight because you have been given the opportunity to be a parent. It is a privilege everyone does not get. So, keep fighting.

For those of us that have children, our legacy is in how our children remember us, not how we think we should be remembered. What I want my kids to know is how much I love them; how privileged and blessed I am to be their father...and that I'm here, with no strings attached.

The entire Hurd 3rd Crew children (for now)

Kobe was unapologetically committed to his wife and daughters. He poured all that he had into them everyday like each day was his last. I respect that; I plan to do the same. What type of mentality will you live by?!

  -       Elgrie J.

'Til My Last Breath

Dedicated to my sister, La Leighta S. Harriet

December 24, 2019

My sister and I have been close for most of our lives. Maybe it's because we get each other; maybe it's because we are so close in age. Whatever the reason, we have always felt like fraternal twins. (For all you comic book nerds, we often refer to ourselves as the Wonder Twins.)

 

My sister refers to me as her little big brother. Of all of my three siblings, I am the youngest. Yet, I have never let my sibling ordinal ranking stop me from stepping up for my siblings...especially La Leighta S. Harriet. From an early age, I saw sibling love through my mom's brothers. Through thick and thin, I witnessed my uncles have the back of my mother. I always figure it would be a good idea to do the same.

 

Future Harriets and Hurd 3rd Crew

So, since I was about 13, I have had the privilege of having her back, being her tag team partner, and listener. We sang together, danced together and even got into trouble together (most of the time). Thankfully, our relationship has not been one-sided. And then adulthood hits, but somehow, we don't miss a beat. I've never missed a graduation. In challenging emotional times, I try to always be just a phone call away. And if I can, I'll do what I can to travel the world to be by her side.

 

Wonder Twins before
she says, "I do!"

In the last 7 years we both have experienced a lot...most of the experiences were more good than bad. As much of a social butterfly that she is, she taps my shoulder to help with life-changing events. Whether it is being a shoulder to cry on, helping pick her next automobile, or even walking her down the wedding aisle, she believes in me to not fail her. I do not take that honor lightly.

Most recently the honor to not fail her became a family affair. The Hurd 3rd Crew (my wife, my children, and I) were all-hands-on-deck to help with the final part of her pregnancy. I will not tell her birthing story, because it is NOT mine to tell. I will say I am honored that my family could help her husband and her as they endured the journey.

Just an uncle meeting his
new nephew

And now that she is a mommy my role has gotten an additional title: uncle. I wear it proudly. I do not know what the future holds for us. I do know our bond is stronger than ever; it is evolving. It involves serving my sister, her husband, and her son. And while it is evolving, I know I will be there, to serve, until my last breath!

 

-       Elgrie J.

More Than a Woman...She’s My Sunshine

July 31, 2019

To be clear, I am a hopeless romantic. I went to college with the aspirations of changing the world and meeting the one I would spend the rest of my life with. I met Althea in November 2002. I knew then what I know now…she IS the one for me.  For all of those who are not into the idea that you can have a soul mate; someone made just for you, then this blog post is not for you.

When I started my journey in college, I portrayed something I really did not have; I portrayed confidence. In reality, I did not have confidence I wanted. So, I had to fake till I made it. I did NOT have a lot of value in myself. I did not have value in my physical appearance; I did not have value in identity. It was not self-hate; it was more of a belief that my Blackness (my ethnic/racial identity) was not valued by other Black people. I just wanted to be me. I wanted my version of Blackness that was authored solely by me and valued by others. But, for my first 2 years of college, I did not have the legitimacy I hungered for.

My perceived legitimacy came from my involvement on-campus. In other words, I had value in what I did (the works). I believed my works (to better humanity) earned my value with others. Althea taught me I was wrong. Just being me was enough to be valued. Althea got me. She appreciated my traits (flaws and all). She may not have understood my passion for guys like 2pac or Malcolm X, but she could empathize. She showed me that showing the world who I was and who I knew I was meant to be was just as important as the things I did. She believed in me when I was too stupid to believe in myself.

Althea pushes to embrace the unfamiliar. Sometimes that means trying things I have never tried before, or not letting my family’s past dictate my present or my future. She has told me to be naked in my story.  Be naked in my faith in Jesus…be naked in where I come from does not tell the world where I am going…be naked about my talents and my passion for the betterment of humanity. That nakedness had led me owning my leadership in my own home, embracing my call to teach and empower, and to eventually become Dr. Hurd (officially).

15 years into this journey called marriage, I can say I am more in-love with my Sunshine now than I was 15 years ago. I ache at her absence from my presence more than ever before. I have evolved as her husband, father to our children, and her best friend. At each stage of my evolution, my Althea, my Sunshine was there. She never stopped believing in…never stopped offering feedback…never stopped pushing me. To me that’s being more than a woman. No words I type or orally say will ever equate my appreciation and admiration of my Sunshine. When I call her Sunshine, it is not just a nickname. It is my attempt to put into words the light she has brought into my dark world. Calling her Sunshine is proof that I am deserving of unconditional love from someone who does NOT that have the same earthly bloodline as me.

Althea, my Sunshine, I only have one request… “Always remember us this way!”

Jet Black Shelby Mustangs!

-  Elgrie J.